What should I do?My dad cheated on my mom.?

Question

Ok this is coming from the daughter of my lying, cheating, unloyal , irresponsible(others) father. Ok my mom an dad were married an still are. I'm there thirteen year old daughter. ok the story begins , they were married. An my mom didn't know until just recently that my father has been cheating on her from the moment the moment they met . She went an followed him one day when she said she was supposed to be working, but really she's was following him. She followed him an called him on his cell phone an asked him when he was getting home from work an where he was. He lied an said I'm still at work gettin ready to leave, but really my mom was watching him through a window scruing this other girl, she gets pictures recordings, an even got this pizza guy to ask to look around in the house prenting he liked it, he stuck a camera in there an now she has a video tape but only from the PI's so now I absolutely don't consider him a dad he nots even my real dad he adopted me by mom is biologica

Answer 1

Do nothing that is your mothers bussiness and all you can do is be there for her and let her know that you are, She is a grown woman and will handle this how she see's fit to. I know it hurts you knowing that it is hurting your mom but she will deal with it, just be 13 and worry about school and stuff and dont give her a hard time. Yes I do agree he is sh*t and in time he will pay for it. Good luck.

Answer 2

Whether to tell children when an affair rocks a marriage is a subject of fierce debate.

Marital therapist Michele Weiner-Davis is "adamantly opposed to adults talking to their children about adult matters such as infidelity. . . . A parent's relationship with a child should be separate from the relationship the parents have with each other. Just because a parent has been a philanderer does not necessarily mean he or she is a bad parent."

Children often get used as pawns in a fight between parents, Weiner-Davis says. "It is selfish wanting to tell your child, 'I am the good parent, and your dad (or mom) is a bad guy.' That is not in the child's best interest."

Other professionals disagree. Children should be told by parents before they find out from someone else, says Peggy Vaughan, who has studied extramarital affairs for 25 years. "It is almost impossible to keep this a secret" from a child, she says. "Someone, somewhere will know and tell," she says, whether the secret-bearer is a relative, a friend or another child the youngster might barely know.

Children who do not understand what happened or why it happened could end up "repeating the pattern," having an affair themselves when they are grown up, says Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of Adultery, the Forgivable Sin.

"Let children know in a caring way," Weil says. The approach should be age-appropriate. And children should be told that their parents "love them very much, and no matter what has happened, it is not their fault." If possible, the child should be told his or her parents want to work things out, she says.

An affair "can happen to any good person and in any good marriage," Vaughan says.

"I believe keeping kids in the dark is the greatest disservice you can do them," she says. "People are so concerned that the child will fall apart if you tell him. Your child will only fall apart if you" fall apart.

Answer 3

Let ur mom handle this. It's natural for u to feel the betrayal that ur Dad has committed. At some point u may be able to convey ur feelings to him, but ultimately, ur mom has the say so as to what's going to happen.Whether she takes him back or not will probably be solely up to her. You don't want to live in a home with a father where there is so much animosity between the two of u. This can lead up to u resenting ur mom for taking him back. I definitely think counseling could be of some use, even if u and ur mom want nothing more to do with him.

Answer 4

I know it hurts to think about your father doing something so horrible, but those are different relationships, first and foremost, he is your father, adopted or blood, if he honestly has been a good father to you, appreciate that in him, because many people arent even given that chance.

Now with your parents relationship, there is nothing you can do, because it isnt between you and it isnt your problem either. It's something that you parents are gonna have to deal with. You can always talk to your father and let him know how hurt you are, and how this might affect you in the future, and be helpful to your mom since shes probably dealing with alot. Good Luck :o)

Answer 5

Life is complicated enough as it is. Let your Mom and Dad work out their own relationship problems and otherwise. No matter how bad it looks, you may not always have the full story. I am telling you the same things I tell my own daughter who is 14. It's tough enough to be a teen without trying to carry adult concerns too early. If your Dad is good to YOU and gives you guidance, time, etc. worry about that and that only. Do not worry about what kind of husband he is, he is married to your mom and not you. Just try to relax and remember to let them work out their own problems whether it be divorce or therapy and you worry about these issues from your perspective only, not your mom's or dad's perspective. I know it's hard to ignore what your Mom is going through but it's okay to gently remind her that you're only 13 and not ready to carry marital burdens yet.

Answer 6

It's a matter for your mom to settle with your foster father in the best manner she thinks is best. You're not his daughter so you don't have to worry about a thing, just take good care of your mom if divorce takes place because she'll be needing you during the hard post-divorce period. Good Luck to you and your mom.

Answer 7

Meantime don't take side, stay neutral in this case. Maybe you are too young to know this whole story.Console your mom where necessary and try and focus on your studies. Don't let this affect your studies, should a divorcee happen then you have to decide who to follow. Reference to your info, I think you should follow your mom. Bear in mind, do not interfer in this case.

Answer 8

irresponsible father, that is not a reason to hate your father, that ordeal is what your mother and father is going through not you, you are the daughter only keep your relationship separate with both of them,tell them both that you love both of them and you are not part of there problem of immaturity and games, sit down with both of them and tell them how you feel about the whole situation, you have you own life to develop and you are not going to change your life for them

Answer 9

Keep out of it. Its between your mother and step-father. The only thing that you have aright to is your feelings. Other than that keep to your own business. If this in fact then your mother will make her own decision on this without your input.

Answer 10

You do nothing. Your mom has accepted a cheating husband for 13 years.