THIS IS AWFUL, MY FRIEND JUST CALLED ME , serious answers only?

Question

I just got off the phone with my friend, omg , how do I start, I am shaking for her and had no idea what to tell her.
She grew up not knowing her dad. She met him recently about a year ago. She was 25 and now 26. She just told me the most awful heartbreaking story. I hate to repeat it but dont know what to tell her at all.
She says she was molested as a young girl by her mom's boyfriends. She says she always wanted to meet her dad.
After meeting him she loved him too much. She got confussed and didnt know how to love a man as a father. She says that three nights ago she was laying in bed with him and he started touching her in her sleep. She said she woke up feeling him and she actually slept with him. This is awful! She was a sweet girl I would have never thought this would happen. She said she loves him and is very confussed. She said she feels sick to her stomach and is ate up with guilt . She really needs help now. I just dont know what to say or do for her. Please help.

I am literally crying, my heart is breaking, I appreciate the answers, I will give it alot of t hought. I do not judge my friend, but this is wayyyyyyyyyy out of my ability to deal with. I so want to be there for here, but also dont want to say anything to harm her more, I had no idea just how messed up she was. I dont mean that badly. I will ask her to seek help. I feel faint literally. OH ITS AWFUL.

Answer 1

That makes me feel sick! ughhhhh! Sorry no advise but just had respond to this. I get cold chills just thinking about it. I guess she needs to get some serious psychological help... if not she is gonna be fu**ed up for life... sorry for you friend, thats the most fu**ed up thing I've ever heard.

Answer 2

Wow I don't mean to say this out load but, it sounds like something out of a Rob Zombie flick.

But as a victim of that particular crime I can understand on at least some level. But since I grew up with so many men in my life that were awesome, I didn't get stuck where this poor soul odviously has....

She needs to seek the guidence of a professional at this point. And not some quack who is going to give her a bunch of pills. She has some serious issues to work out and it is going to take some time.

Good luck. Try not to judge her, if this particularly hideous crime hasn't happened in your life, I am thankful, but you can't understand the changes it puts you through if you haven't been there. Just try to be an ear and a guiding force if you are strong enough.

Peace, Love and , Harmony!

Kali

Answer 3

She, of course, should not have been lying in bed with him and he should not have been in bed with her. Any one could have predicted what would happen and they probably new it ahead of time too. They both need some counseling and should not see each other alone until they have resolved this problem.

If your friend was molested by her moms b/f's as a young girl I can see how she could have developed this problem. Naturally,
she became confused between sexual love and father figures.
Her father must also have some serious boundary issues for him to have wanted to have sex with his daughter.

Tell your friend not to hate herself and not to hate her father but that it is imperative that she not do this again, not be alone with
her father until both have these issues resolved. Also, that both of them need to get professional help for them to work through this problem. The professional help will also help your friend in her romantic life for the rest of her life because this whole area is confused for her.

Feel free to share anything in this answer to them. I used to work as a Registered Nurse on a psychiatric unit in a hospital
for over 20 years.

Do not give up hope for your friend or her father. There is professional help for both of them.

Answer 4

I reccomend the book, the courage to heal. It is a great book that I am reading now about women who have been molested and raped as kids. It will do her some good. As of now she will also need a therapist and u need to tell her this because she loves you and you love her and friends are supposed to be open and honest no matter how bad it may sound... She will thank u for it

Answer 5

I want to stay positve with my answer, and help if I can, but a Daddy that would do something like that is a sick person. Your friend is old enough to know better too, but I hold him more accountable than her. He is the senior member and never should allow this to happen. He needs to get help for his daughter, on his way to jail. She needs help, and fast, from a qualified doctor.

Answer 6

I really feel for your friend, she has had a hard life and obviously needs mental help A.S.A.P. But the FATHER, I have no sympathy for him at all. He is a grown man...He needs to do jail time. Sleeping with his own daughter...GEEZ..talk about whack jobs!!!!!! I am sorry, he wasn't there for her while she was growing up, he should of stayed away. What kind of father would put his own child through this kind of mental and physical abuse????
Using her for his own sick needs! ARGHHHHHH! he should be castrated!
She needs to get help immediately. He will most likley continue to take advantage of her. YOU as her FRIEND need to tell her, you are sorry but he does not love her. She needs to face that and get him out of her life. God forbid if she was to get pregnant!

Answer 7

Your friend grew up without knowing how to relate to men. Because of her mothers boyfriends she thinks that the only way men can appreciate her. She needs support and understanding. She needs help in relating. If you are really her friend, then you can help her by being there for her. what is done is past, what will happen now is whatmakes the difference. The least you can do is help her leave with herself, and teach her how to relate to a man without having to offer sex. Also teach her selfworth, and teach her that she can be appreciated for what she is, not only with sex, and she can say i love you without having to sleep with the person. Most of all, be there for her, she needs you.

Answer 8

at 26 , she has the ability to know right from wrong. she made her own bed and now she has to deal with own actions. Why was she in bed with him too start with?

it's a personal accountability issue both of them ( her & her father) need to accept responsiblilty for their actions and the effect it will have on the rest of the family.

Answer 9

Tell her she needs to talk to a mental health professional about all of it starting from the molestation. I was molested by my own cousin! Such traumas can leave you very confused about how you should feel in other circumstances like you friend and her father. For a while I was confused about how I should feel about my cousin even though he was the one hurting me and I should feel bad (its my fault, I did this, I feel sick, I feel dirty) but I felt bad sometimes and felt like he was my cousin and I have to love him at other time. The only way to sort out these feeling is to talk to a mental health professional about them. When I finally got a clue and went to talk to a therapist (no one was there to guide me to the proper place to go I had to figure it out myself) I started sorting out my feelings and now I am married to my best friend of 15 year and have three cute babies. It helps. Trust me.

Answer 10

She has to know this is wrong on so many levels. She needs to get counseling and stay away from him. If he cared anything for her at all as a father he would never of allowed this to happen. She's plenty old enough to know better and so is he.