Selfish Guy...?

Question

What would you ladies do? I've been married 8 years. Our child is 5. Since our son was born, I've become the default babysitter while he goes to play ball or golf. If I want to go out, he makes us take our son (which is usually fine). If I ask (heaven forbid) to go out "just the two of us" he either makes his mom babysit for free (my parents are out of town) or refuses - he won't pay a sitter. NOW - when he wants to go and have fun with his friends, it's me that has to watch our little guy for free. Don't get me wrong, I adore my little boy - but a girl just wants to have fun sometimes, right?

When our son was born, I had awful Post Partum. He told me I couldn't see a therapist because the doc might tell me to leave him. So I suffered. One day, I asked him not to play ball because I was so deeply depressed, I was afraid I'd hurt myself when he left. He accused me of trying to "steal his last piece of happiness" (how sappy is that??) and went anyways. I'm better now - but that anger has just lingered, you know?

Answer 1

Sounds like he is insecure in that he doesn't want you to go out without him or talk to anyone that may tell you to leave.

Do you have a problem with his mom babysitting - she is family and it is free so where is the problem with her babysitting? However, the rest is very upsetting. His happiness should be with you and your child. Yes, everyone needs some fun, and he should not completely dismiss your happiness for his own. Don't tell me golf is free. He should not assume you will be happy to stay home alone with a 5 year old and no adult company especially since he is the dad and should be sharing in the raising of your child.

A good therapist does not tell you what to do, but promotes better communication, better understanding of your own family, and coping methods for your feelings and more rational thinking.

Is there a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) or other playgroup in your area that you can exchange babysitting services with so your hubby doesn't have the money argument?

My advice is always to try talking in a non-confrontational manner. When you ____ I feel ______. Tell him how you are feeling and ask for a compromise. Maybe he can go out on Fridays and you on Saturdays or some other type of schedule. Yes, things do come up and schedules cannot always be kept, but a guideline would be helpful if you are both flexible. If he feels he deserves more and you are okay with it maybe he can go out two nights a month by himself, one night a month with you and you can go out one night a month by yourself?

Best wishes.

Answer 2

I know its sooo hard when you have a little guy to think of but do you want this to be the example he sees as to how to treat a woman when he grows up? Dont ask your husband-hes not your dad. Hire a babystitter and go out and have some fun. You will be happier and so will everyone else. hopefully he sees this and decides to let you out of jail. good luck.

Answer 3

ouch how selfish is he. Sounds like hes a bit one sided, is quite happy for himself to go out to have fun but heaven for if you enjoyed yourself hmmm why doesn't that seem fair. He sounds as though he is immature and lacks responsibility. No offense to any guy out there have to know is he a Taurean as I no someone else who would fit that description

Answer 4

Yes, he IS a selfish person! The anger you're building up against him, is only going to get bigger as time goes on. You really need to talk to somebody about it before it consumes you. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Its time to move on , you can do better !

Answer 6

you are entitled to your personal time and space. get it or get out, babe.

Answer 7

And you are still with this jerk why ???