This is my second marriage. First marriage ended up in divorce after 19 yrs. Found out the last 2 yrs wife was having an affair ith her boss. Been married this time 3.5 yrs. My wife is 32 yrs old and I am 45. We have a 2 yr old son. I am average looking she is very pretty. Both have friends of opposite sex. She goes away for horse events about 4 or 5 wekends a summer, There are a lot of men, I can't go cause of work. When comes back she is bubbly and happy about the fun she has had. She e-mails, phones and text messages these guys that she has been with, Says it all in fun. They all live a few hours from us, but my brain keeps thinking she is having more fun than she leads on. My mind just races. She finally has had enough ofthe accusations and has threatened to leave.
2006-07-22 00:50:11 · 8 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is doing your wife a lot of good to get away...and it restores her spirits. You are raining on her parade when you question her. You have been very hurt...and your trust was broken...but your wife isn't your ex-wife...don't confuse the two. If your wife is understanding; then she needs to reassure you that nothing inappropriate is taking place...but don't push it too far. We often bring about the very thing we fear. Your worry and fear will drive her away...and it isn't what you want.
If you love her...and you are good to her...then she won't go anywhere. Make sure she understands that it is very hard for you after your previous experience...and ask her to keep her communication to a minimum...but don't ask her to give it up, either....as it isn't fair to her. Sometimes, all you can do is keep your faith that all is well.
If someone is predisposed to this type thing...they will find a way...and you won't know about it until after the fact. Your wife is to be commended for keeping it in the open...and as long as it is in the open...you have nothing to worry about. You will drive her "underground"...and then you have problems. I hope this helps you...trust is a difficult thing when broken....so I do understand...just keep it in check.
2006-07-22 01:07:06 · answer #1 · answered by riverhawthorne 5 · 13⤊ 6⤋
trust . the only word u neva said that in a relationship that is essential. u have none. This woman appears to be trying to be open about her friends. God 50% of people u meet out there r the opp sex so 1 will find themselves chattn to a person that gasp.....u could be screwn. I was married for 10 years and was not unfaithful had heaps of lady friends. same wiv my partner. Really why be wiv sum1 and screw others. Jealousy and insecurity are pretty bad. u said i keep thinking she is having more fun... then mention accusations. Whoah u already gone way to far . Obviously all the respectful conversation on this subject is ova between u . She loves u i rekon @done nothn wrong except be open. Ur bad exp is poisoning u r new love how much right now i dont know . sit down apologise go out enjoy her horses and meet these guys to allay ur fears. Sumfing positive i hope 4 u
2006-07-22 01:16:00 · answer #2 · answered by howie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After your past experience with marriage, it must be very hard for you to trust again. I'm sure i would feel exactly the same way as you. Your wife seems to have a lot of freedom which is a good thing for her but a worrying time for you. Unfortunately for your wife she does not understand what you have already been through as i feel she is being a bit inconsiderate by corresponding with other men. You may need to sit down and communicate with her and let her know how you feel and then you will no where you stand. Good Luck!
P.S intuition is not always wrong
2006-07-22 02:10:13 · answer #3 · answered by mermaiden_4_ever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Humm this is a tough one. I'm an older female and have lots of men acquaintances. I e-mail and IM them a lot. I also work with some of these men. Yes, we flirt and things have gone quiet a distance. They have added a lot of spice, to my very long marriage. My husband is aware of all that is going on...he likes the idea of "having something other men want". When I relay a "flirt" episode, he gets very excited and it leads to great sex. He also trusts me to the letter. I tell him everything. We have no secrets. He is my best friend. BUT, we have a very special relationship, that not everyone would understand...so bottom line, In my opinion, eventually, your wife will gravitate to someone else. It's human nature. I suggest you arrange your work schedule a little different and take in some of the horse shows with her...you might be "cramping her style" but at least you will make your presents known.
2006-07-22 01:09:04 · answer #4 · answered by janice 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she take the 2 year old on these weekends? I WOULD agree that you have reason to worry IF she goes to these events alone. Why not hire a private investigator to check? Doubting your spouse is SAD, but today, not unreasonable. Basically, it's trouble when a married person gets an intrest that doesn't involve the spuose, and requires a lot of time with others. Casual friends don't usually need each others' e mail addy.
2006-07-22 01:03:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not let what happened to your first marriage run into your 2nd marriage. Your current wife is not sneaking around and lying to you about what she is doing when she goes to these horse shows. She's going to meet people with the same interest at these shows, that goes without saying. That does not mean she is having an affair. You need to trust her completely or this marriage will always have problems and you could lose her.
2006-07-22 00:58:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have reason to be suspicious, but maybe not. It could be like the previous writer said -- she is happy because she was around people with common interests. I would try to do whatever it takes to attempt to go with her to one of these events. It may be a sacrifice, but a marriage is worth it.
These horse events are something she loves, and you should want to at least take an interest in what she loves to do. Tell her you would really like to try to come with her because you love her and want to share in something that makes her happy. If she fights your idea of attending, then there is something more going on. If she is thrilled about you going, then you have nothing to worry about. You will be able to tell what is true when you are with her there. If she proudly introduces you to all of her friends -- female and male, then you are safe.
Good luck!
2006-07-22 01:08:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get rid of the pc
2006-07-22 00:55:19 · answer #8 · answered by bobby h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋