husband doesn't pull his share financially.?

Question

I work ungodly numbers of hours because my husband does not earn enough money to support himself, never mind a family. I don't mind working and actually like it, so long as it is a normal work week. I would never expect him to kill himself while I sat at home doing nothing. But I resent that I am forced to pull more than my share financially to make up for him. The result of burning the candle at both ends for so long means I am constantly stressed out, frustrated, and tired. Its hard for me to sleep at night worrying about bills. Meantime, he sleeps soundly without a worry in the world. I wish it weren't like this. But it takes a certain amount of money to support a family in this day and age, make the monthly bills, and plan for college and retirement. To make sure that this happens means that I have to be the one to kill myself, and it has taken a tremendous toll. Any thoughts?

thanks for everyone's response.

some people have asked, if my husband works at all. the answer to this is yes, he works approx. 30-35 hrs. per wk. what he earns is not enough to cover his own bills, let alone the family's. he's great around the house, etc., pays bills, does the taxes. our kids are older and they need some supervision, but it's not like when they were younger. I would like to have the option to give my head and body a rest, and work 30 hours like he does. but if I did, we'll be in debt very fast. for us to make bills requires that I work a lot of overtime, like 60-70 hrs. weekly. he's never worked this type of schedule, and either will not or cannot take the burden off of me, and yes, I resent it.

Answer 1

Of course you resent it because you should not have to work these hours with a man in the home. Is it that he can't work another job or what? First I would have a talk with him and let him know how I honestly was feeling and that your afraid that one day it will become a burden to you to keep him around. Let him know you love him but feel he should carry half of the bills. Now days men think women should do it all, but let me tell you if we do then why do we need a man around. Honey you better slow down before you ruin your health. Get your husband to realize how important it is for both of you to work and just not the 30 something hours a week he is working. He needs to look for a better paying job to help his wife.

Answer 2

I just recently separated from my husband over the same issue. He was sporadic on working and always found a way to lose a good job. There were other issues, but when he did work, I wasn't getting too much help with the finances. He would even stay at home and play X-Box all day long while I worked 2 jobs after having a newborn baby. I got tired of supporting 3 children ( I have 2 little girls) so he ended up giving me the courage to leave him because I realized that I was already doing everything on my own anyway and he was just 'dead' weight. I'm now happier and my girls are able to reap the benefit of it. I don't even have to work as hard because I'm saving alot of money on groceries and utilities that he used like they were free. Best of wishes my sister.

Answer 3

He's sleeping soundly and has no worries about this because he knows you are the one that will make sure the bills are paid. No matter how hard you work, he doesn't have a problem with it because all that matters to him is that you do work and pay the bills. His work habits will not change nor will his care-free attitude. Not only will you feel stressed, tired and frustated, you will also feel resentment toward him. One of you is the responsible one and it isn't him. This was one of the many reasons why my marriage ended in divorce.... No regrets about it either.

Answer 4

Well I think maybe you should talk with him ,,,,,,,,,but you may not like this, in every marriage someone is working harder and making more money, my husband works full Time Army , and a lot of hours , I stay at home with kids and bring in 0 money , but by doing this I save on money and also have more time to clean ,cook,and play and teach kids. OK so why not ask him since he is not working as many hours to pick up on more household chores so it will not fall on you ? It sounds to me like you think the man should be the bread winner always. But in reality that is not the case . I think you should be proud to be making such a good income and being a great provider. Have you ever considered maybe he should work from home? Maybe become a Mr.Mom to save money on sitters etc? It may benefit you more. I know my friend she works full time has 4 kids and her husband stays home and works part time on line and raises the kids cooks and also takes care of the bills and budgeting and house work. Saves her money in long run from childcare to gas and only one car payment. At least your man does try and holds a job , there are men out there who are lazy pigs and care less , and if you have one these then you should leave him , I hope this helps some.

Answer 5

If he is "Sleeping Soundly" as you say then you are giving him nothing to worry about, you need to air your concerns to him NOW not just accept that you are the breadwinner - As awful as it sounds you need to be constantly on his back "What did you do to find work today?" etc. It sounds like you are ALLOWING this to happen, because no self-respecting man would watch his wife work so hard whilst he stays at home watching tv and reaping the benefits of YOUR hard-work, the only way he would is if he thought you were happy in your role as bill payer - Tell him you need him to get a job because you are working yourself silly and it's not fair - Simple as that!

Answer 6

I still feel it's a man's responsibility to support his family...A mom's job is 24-7 as it is just to take care of the children and home in most cases...If he is doing the home work and taking care of the children then he is trying to do his part...If not and your still having to do everything then he has a problem...And with that said i understand how you must feel...So the best thing to do is make him talk to you and express your feelings...Then if no changes may be time to shed him that would be one less to take care of...

Good luck hope you get it worked out...Smile be happy!!

Answer 7

Does your husband work at all? Or are you just not satisfied because he makes less money than you do? You implied that he worked but made crappy pay, then you implied he sits on his @$$ all day.
Either way..Tell him how you feel...That you are pulling all the weight and you are exhausted. Tell him you are beginning to resent him, because it sounds like you really resent the guy.

Answer 8

Well my first question to you is.......has he always been like this? if so you went along willingly so stop whining. If not.have you shared your angst.if you did and he blew you off then you have bigger issues. You can always just pay half the bills from YOUR separate bank account; if he squawks.give him half the bills and tell him to man up and start being a provider.if he still drags his feet then its time to cut your losses..just my opinon

Answer 9

kick him out hes obvously a drain on the money you earn,that alone should save you money then start again and re-evaluate your situation,you may need to make a few adjustments but im sure you will manage.
i bet you thought i was a female answering this to.

Answer 10

why don't you seat down with him and tell him how you feel? Probably communication is the best but it fails well, It doesn't matter whether his there or not because you do all the work anyway.