sex question?

Question

i've never really had an orgasm during sex. i've been with three guys. my ex boyfriend of a year and a half, a one night stand, and my current boyfriend and the only time i've had an orgasm was when i masturbated on my own or with my current boyfriend. i get close sometimes but then it never happens. my ex mentioned that i might have an inverted cervix but my docter didn't say anything about that when i saw her. i just want to know if there is something i can do to change it because after putting up with this for about two years after my boyfriend releases and i dont i get really frustrated and sort of mad. i never really connected the frustration with not getting off but i'm starting to think that's what the problem is. i enjoy sex so it's not as if i'm just going along with it just because, but i'm tired of not thoroughly enjoying sex. i dont know if i'm making much sense or not.

Answer 1

Whether you have an inverted cervix or not has nothing to do with anything. If you can masturbate to orgasm on a regular basis, that proves that nothing is wrong with you physically. The most common reason for lack of orgasm for women during sex is lack of the right stimulation at the right time. Often there is not enough foreplay to get them aroused enough before penetration.

Then during intercourse, the movements may not stimulate you in the right place at the right time. The solution for both issues is usually communication. You need to tell him what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. That may sound less that spontaneous, but you really can't expect him to know your body as well as you do.
After he gets to know your body better you won't have to tell him as much but it's always OK to talk while you are having sex and to ask for what you want. Women are different in what gives them sexual pleasure so that your boyfriends previous experience might not have clued him in as to what is best for you.

You say that sometimes you get close to orgasm but that it never happens. When you masturbate pay attention to that and
notice what happens when you get close and what you do to get an orgasm. You can even have your b/f watch in case that helps him to know what to do.

The other thing that could be happening is that you have wanted
to orgasm for so long that when you get close you may get a little tense and the tension inhibits the orgasm. I don't know if that's the case. I'm just trying to think of all the possibilities. Usually the treatment for performance anxiety is for the couple to have sex but they are to stop before either has an orgasm.

They might do this for a week or 2. That way the couple can focus on shared feelings of pleasure and feelings of togetherness and have no reason to worry about performance.
You and your b/f might want to try that a few times but I wonder if it also might help for your b/f to get you close to orgasm before he enters you. That way, you are pretty much assured of having an orgasm during sex and after several times like this you would be more relaxed about it.

The other issue of course, is that your b/f might not be staying erect long enough for you to have your orgasm. Many men quit after they have an orgasm but if you and he are still fairly young,
(you sound as if you may still be in your 20's) He doesn't really have to stop. When I was in my 20's, I found that if I kept moving
after orgasm, I never got too soft and the stimulation got me hard
enough to go for another round.

When I started having sex I would try to time things so that we had orgasms at the same time. I found that if I could do that it was great but if my timing was off and I orgasmed first it wasn't as good because I didn't have time to enjoy my orgasm. What I did after I learned that, was to focus entirely on what was good for her so that she got her orgasm and then do what was best for her during her orgasm. Then I was free to move in the ways
that were most pleasurable for me and could relax and enjoy my orgasm.

By the way, everything you say in your question is very understandable to me and you make perfect sense to me. I can understand why you feel frustrated and why you would be angry
at your b/f. After all, he is getting off every time and you never do during sex. That doesn't necessarily mean that he is to blame for anything, just that you both need to communicate a little better during sex and try the things I suggested. I worked as a R.N. in a hospital for over 20 years and my specialty was psychiatry. However, several years ago I was taking a college course in Human Sexuality and I chose to write a paper on Sexual dysfunctions and their treatments. I hope you and your b/f can get some benefits from what I learned. Of course, some of what I said came from personal experience. I hope that one of the messages in general you got from what I have said, is that both you and your b/f need to focus on you getting getting off until after you get your orgasm. It might not seem fair to your b/f but that is just the way it is, Men have a much easier time getting orgasms
than women do.

One of the nice things about your homework assignments that I have given you ( smile) is that they should be a lot of fun for both of you and that is the spirit that they should be done in.

Answer 2

My Wife had the same problem before we got married for about a year. When she finally told me, we were constantly trying to find new positions that would work for her. After the 2nd night of trying different positions the one that worked was when she was on top. After that any position seems to work..It was like having that first orgasm made every orgasm after come easily. I think you need to take control and find an angle that works for you when you are on top. If that doesn't work, constantly try new positions and angles until it feels good to you. Once it feels good continue until you have an orgasm. A lot of people are going to tell you it is a physical problem, i can almost guarantee you it is mental.

Answer 3

Females have mainly three ways to achieve orgasm, through vaginal (G-spot) stimulation, or clitorial stimulation, or a combination of both. Roughly 80% of women achieve orgasm through clitorial stimulation.

Perhaps to help with the achieving of your orgasm, you should try a longer foreplay time - studies have shown that women who are at a higher stage of arousal are likely to achieve orgasm more quickly. Setting the mood or mentally preparing yourself can help you get aroused before sex, and this can be achieved by performing certain rituals before sex, e.g. taking a bubble bath, using a certain scent of lotion, wearing sexy lingerie.

Also, try positions that might give you better clitorial stimulation, e.g. woman on top.

However, please keep in mind that only about 17% of women are able to achieve orgasm through sex. Perhaps your partner can help you achieve orgasm before penetration or after he orgasms, through other methods?

Also, don't keep thinking about how you must achieve orgasm. This puts a lot of mental pressure on yourself, and could be a hindrance, and even put you off sex.

The key to this is to experiment to find which way is most pleasurable for you. Remember that sex is supposed to be good for both you and your partner, and that good sex can actually help a relationship.

Good luck, and have fun!

Answer 4

Get your boyfriend to use his fingers and/or mouth until you orgasm, then have penetrative sex with him, relax, don't be waiting for it, just enjoy the sensations, feel everything, even do some kegal exercise movements, and it will happen.
I'm afraid to say this is much more about your various boyfriends than it is about you!
If your present boyfriend isn't into getting you off first or learning how to, he's not into you enough. Get one who is!

Answer 5

You may have to relax,a glass of wine may help.
It may take "both" you and your mate to bring you to climax
Don't allow yourself to be frustrated,relax,feel sexy and enjoy
the intimacy.
You are not alone,I have heard of this more than once before.
Plan a romantic evening with plenty of teasing and foreplay.
This will be just fine,don't worry.

Answer 6

I think nothing is wrong in you. You just need a good partner who can make you orgasm. Changing your bed partner will solve your case.

Answer 7

yup, yer makin sence. You just need more stimulation. More 4play!! And a willing partner with patiance and a lot of control or stamina!

Answer 8

there is nothing physically wrong with you. something like 80% of women have never orgasmed just from intercourse.

Answer 9

i dont advice ya to have sex its a shame without marrage and against religon

Answer 10

sex is about a man's pleasure anyway. as long as he gets off, you should be satisfied.