At what point does a male have to play the role of a "father"?

Question

A man is with a woman one time only. The man makes it very clear that he does not want a child because he just came off of a divorce and is wounded. The woman assures the man that she is on the "pill" and is not going to get pregnant. The woman gets pregnant and tells the man. He is livid that he was lied to and demands that she have an abortion. She refuses. He does not/will not be a part of this childs life. She accepts but vaguely threatens to tell his family and other child about the baby. He warns her that he will defend his child and family from her at "all costs". Eight years pass, she contacts him wondering if he has changed his mind. He refuses to acknowledge her e-mails and tells his wife of five years what has happened. She (wife)doesn't know what to do. The woman again threatens to tell his family of the child. What should he do?

The man told his wife only, not the rest of his extended family.

So just that I understand. No one believes in having sex for fun, only to procreate? Does it not matter that he SPECIFICALLY told the woman that he was not interested in having a child at that time?

I'm totally surprised by the amount hatred for the male/father as opposed to the lying decieving woman/mother in this story. Doesn't the actions of the woman/mother outweigh the male/fathers actions?

Answer 1

As long as the judiciary continues to hold the mother to have ALL THE RIGHTS to the child, and not the father... This sort of thing will ALWAYS happen, and unfortunately, happens much too often. The children are emotionally wounded and hurt.

As an adult, however, by having sexual contact... hey, the man and woman need take responsibility regardless. Now that there is a child involved, hey...time to buckle up, bro. But I wish I can also say the same thing for the mother. But as long as she has all "rights" and her "choices"... she can basically do whatever she wants.. which is pretty sad. Once again, the child suffers, or loses his/her life over two adults having a fling. Unless of course, she alleges "rape". Like in the Lacrosse trial.

The way the legal system is set up currently, and for the past 30 years...in addition to the VAWA... The woman can manipulate, extort, and is nearly impossible for the man to prove innocence. Likewise, as the father has absolutely no rights(nor civil rights) as a parent... the father will, at all times, be looked upon as the financial obligar.

Even for a DNA test to be done, the man will have virtually no time to prove his innocence regarding paternity fraud. And in most cases, even with a DNA test showing he is NOT the father...the courts will subject him to be financial responsible anyways.

Not that im going on a tengent, no. Im simply taking advantage of the subject to show the whole picture.

Now as for the man involved in the situation...he has no chance to fight this. If she so chooses to persue him, she WILL win. That is because she has her "rights" and "choices" to give birth or murder the child. However, it will be looked upon as the man to be "responsible" and pay...Seems that its been 8 years pass...The man will not be able to use a DNA test either. Because he has only 30 days or less (which vast majority of time the father is NOT notified whatsoever) to prove he is not the father.

Answer 2

Well, first he needs to realize that if he didn't want a child, he needed to take responsibility for birth control, and not trust the woman. Even if she was on birth control, it's not a guarantee.

Second, he needs to realize that this child did not ask to be born, and deserves a family whether or not he was wanted. Sometimes you end up doing things in life that you didn't want to do. But you know what, tough tootsies. He's the grown-up, the child is a child. Grown-ups need to do what's best for the kids, it's just the way things are once you decide to have sex. You might end up with a kid no matter how hard you tried to prevent it, and if that's unacceptable to a person, then that person needs to not take that risk. All activities, fun or otherwise, come with some risks that you have to accept. That'd be like having great fun at skydiving, but refusing to accept the risk (however small) that you could be injured or killed.

Third, he should do right by this child and recognize the child as his, or talk to a lawyer about giving up his rights and making the child available for another man to do the job instead.

And for the love of pete, he needs to get real, and realize that this world is not all about him. Maybe he wanted his life to be simple and uncomplicated, and didn't want to have a kid by a woman who was a short-term fling. But that didn't happen, and it's time to grow up and live with reality, and do the right things.

Answer 3

Admit it.
Are you really willing to deny a child the knowledge of family?
What is the real reason?
She lied, if that's true, but why punish the child for your old feelings- you have remarried. You don't have to be part in the child's life if you don't want to but, maybe your children would like to know they have another little baby brother or sister out there.
Unless you never really loved the woman? Unless she was only a rebound?
Who were you really mad at? Are you still mad? Even 8 years later? Why?
Talk to your wife some more- obiously you have gotten over the first divorce- or have you? What is worse? That you waited eight years or your child grows up and when they are in their twenties they lok for family and then your family wonders why you waited soooo long?
Don't be afraid. You ex is your ex. You other ex is your other ex. Your wife is your wife. Every one has histories. No one should be judging anyone. Family should know family.

If you think she is such a liar ask for a paternity test first...then take the proper steps.

Good luck....

Answer 4

I must say that this woman has no class.
But on the other hand when you have sex, no matter what, you risk a pregnancy. Many woman "on the pill" do get pregnant. I am not saying that she was, but it was a risk that you took...did you take precautions? Face it...you have a child, maybe on the other hand it would take a test to prove or disprove that the child is yours.
Why can't you tell your family? It would take alot of wind out of her sail. I am surprised that she has not taken any action to persue child support. Kinda makes you wonder if the child would pass a paternity test.
if you are the father you have at least a financial obligation but nothing else.

Answer 5

Well first The man is stupid , to not want anything to do with a child and is very selfish, see why he is divorced, Second it should not always be that woman should use birth control , Becasue some will lie as seen , why did he not i,if so badly not wanting a kid use added protection A condom? Why even have sex then , if he was so not wanting a child , He has a hand, Also , you would think with all the dieases he can catch he woulda wore a condom !(Today there are over 20 recognized SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES) http://www.mjbovo.com/Contracept/STD-What.htm

If I was that Wife I would tell him to own up , it is as much as his fault as this womans and Be a man. This is not the childs fault That both parents are selfish and morons! I think I would really get a divorce over that one.

Answer 6

Men who don't want children have 3 options. (1) Don't have sex. (2) Get a vasectomy. (3) Keep a secure supply of condoms. By secure, I mean locked up someplace a coniving GF can't stick a pin in them. Part of is this using the condom correctly -- stop being a know-it-all and watch the Planned Parenthood video to make sure you're doing EVERYTHING right, including using the right lube in the right amounts.

Guy, sorry to say it but if the only "precaution" you took was to place your trust in a casual sex partner -- well, you were very unwise and must now live with the consequences. You are this child's parent just as much as the mother.

Answer 7

Is this a hypothetical situation?

The man is legally the child's father. I think in most countries, the woman would be able to claim money off the man to help raise the child.

However, it would not be possible to force the man to take an active interest in raising the child. He has every right to ignore the child, however morally wrong that might be. Hey - some fathers take no interest in the children that they live with!

Answer 8

What you probably should have done was sign away all parental rights when the child was born... then you have no tie other than strictly biological to that particular child. Then again, the woman may have been on the pill and still gotten pregnant. Though her behavior is reprehensible, you ARE partly responsible for not taking your own precautions during intercourse. As for the threats, what exactly are you protecting? You didn't cheat. You just happened to get someone pregnant. It happens.

Answer 9

Tell your "friend" to own up to his responsibility and at the very least pay child support. Tell him next time put a sock on it. The pill is not 100% effective. It's 92 - 99%. Have him work out something with mystery woman that works for both of them with the kids (his and ... well, his) well being the main concern.

Answer 10

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