I'm gay but I'm not sexually active yet. However, I don't feel attracted to flamboyant gay guys at all only the straight-acting ones and I feel a bit repulsed by the thought of anal sex. Are there any other guys like me? Do you think this is gonna change?
2006-07-21 20:50:01 · 16 answers · asked by ted 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I am not attracted to the femmes either and neither is my boyfriend. He was kind of turned off about the thought of sex until we did it, now it's hard to get him to leave me alone. So this is where that old saying comes in, "Don't knock it before you try it."
2006-07-21 20:57:26 · answer #1 · answered by Gynolotrimena Lubriderma-Smith 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The winners of the Amazing Race I and Survivor 1 were pretty tough gay men. The majority of gay men are not very flamboyant but then they are also harder to pick out.
Thinking anal sex is the only thing guys do together is like thinking that straights only have sex to make babies. Gay or straight, there are a lot of things two people need to get clear before hopping in the sack. The negotiations can make the activities all that much better.
With 6 billion people in the world (about 600 million are gay males!) there are bound to be some that like the same and dislike the same things. Keep looking.
Everything and everyone changes. But the fact that you ask such intelligent questions probably means things will keep changing for the better for you.
2006-07-21 21:09:11 · answer #2 · answered by San Diego Art Nut 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple things: personal attraction is a personal thing. I don't judge anyone based on that. I will however say that the phrase "straight-acting" is counter intuitive. You would probably consider yourself "straight-acting", but you're implying by using that word that "gay" (which you ID as, on account of you like other men) HAS to mean stereotypically gay. On a linguistic level, it would be more productive and make more sense to reclaim the word "gay" to mean what it's supposed to mean in that context, and to be counted among those who don't fit a stereotype.
As for actual activities; there's LOTS of guys who aren't into anal. And anyone who tries to pressure you into anything you don't want to do should be summarily dumped in the most humiliating way imaginable. That having been said, your tastes in men MIGHT change, though it's more likely that you'll start finding exceptions instead of a total 180 being really attracted to the more fabulous among us. And your preferences about activities...you might develop a curiosity about it. And, with the right guy who cares enough about you to take it slow and let you be the boss, you'll find out if it's something you can enjoy, or if you were right and it's really not your thing.
2006-07-25 01:26:49 · answer #3 · answered by Atropis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm an old fart now, but I came out at age 20. It was more than 2 years before I actually became sexually active, even though I was telling my friends I was gay prior to that. It may not be the most common way of coming out, but it's far from rare. It just means that you take sex seriously, and probably intend to use it to express affection and not just for sexual release.
Don't assume that because you hear a lot about anal sex that it is a requirement for earning your gay merit badge. You get to choose what you want to do and with whom you want to do it. Don't assume that pornography shows anything about the kind of gay sex you want to have.
If you can, contact a gay/straight alliance at your school (http://www.gsanetwork.org) or a local gay community group. You may find a coming out group to help you learn a little more about yourself and the decisions you get to make.
2006-07-22 01:35:46 · answer #4 · answered by NHBaritone 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Despite the idiot beliefs of people like Pat Robertson, there is no "Gay Central," "Homintern," or Gay union. In other words, there are no rules (part of the point of being gay/queer as opposed to homosexual.) What you are attracted to and what you like to do are part of who you are, and therefore, nobody's business but yours. Your only "duty" is to be upfront and open with your preferences, so nobody gets the wrong idea and gets hurt unintentionally. When and if you meet someone that you want to be (sexually) close to, the two of you will "negotiate" your relationship (what are you into, what you are looking for, etc.) There are plenty of guys like you, and plenty of guys who are different, and as long as you do not let your preferences become prejudices (i.e. not sexually attracted to "flamboyant" gay guys -o.k.; think there is something "wrong" about being flamboyant = prejudice,) then what does it matter whether this changes or not. So be honest about yourself, and you will do fine. Good luck
2006-07-21 21:03:25 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. Knowitall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel ya, brother. I'm not attracted to those types of guys either. Who you like is determined by nothing other than who your brain is attracted to. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to masculine men.
As for your feelings about anal... I don't know how old you are, but I felt the same way about anal when i was a teenager, right up until I was in my early 20s. Then I began to open up to the idea. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. A lot of homos aren't interested in anal, there's nothing wrong with that.
2006-07-24 06:53:33 · answer #6 · answered by pceej 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might change or it might not. I'd say I started out where I could have written your question. In time, I'm not repulsed by the guys I'm not attracted to, in fact I've learned to love them as brothers in the cause, I just am not attracted to them. Anal is still not my favorite, but I've also learned never to say never.
You might mellow as I have, or you might not. It doesn't make either of us a better gay man than the other.
2006-07-22 11:04:58 · answer #7 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a guy but from what you said I think you're fine. Many bisexual women and lesbians like girls that look like girls too. And feeling attracted to somebody is more then wanting to have sex with them, it's more then that. You will find out that many people you thought were straight are really bi or lesbian/gay, they just don't fit the sterotype. Wait until you find someone you care about and who cares about you to become sexully active, cause there is much more to a real relationship.
2006-07-22 03:53:53 · answer #8 · answered by MindStorm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about all of the stereotypes you have heard regarding gay people. The flamboyant gays you are referring to are just a visible (and fun) minority, but most gay people look and act no different from straight people. You aren't required to act or be any particular way if you are straight or gay. Just try to figure out who you really are and be yourself.
2006-07-24 13:13:10 · answer #9 · answered by Drewe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've met many who are the same as you.
Don't worry! there is no shortage of likeminded guys.
You're okay.
For the record
"Gay" is NOT equal to flamboyance.
"Gay" is NOT equal to anal sex.
"Gay sex" is NOT equal to anal sex.
Just as in the hetero population, some enjoy anal pleasures. some don't.
Try reading through a lot of profiles at the links below. I think you'l see you're not alone.
2006-07-22 03:03:00 · answer #10 · answered by My Big Bear Ron 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋