my guy friend just came outta the closet and told me he was gay....and it took me completely off guard. we were pretty close through high school and even went to the mall together and got phone numbers from random girls. we talked about girls all the time and were like bros. so im sitting here just shocked...and i cant help how i feel. yea...i know im not gonna judge him and i will support him with his decisions...but it just feels weird. it feels like our friendship was a lie or somethin all this time.
im for gay marriage and think ppl have the right to their own lives and always thought id be completely ok if any of my friends came outta the closet...but now that it really happened...its a strange feeling.
any thoughts or advice? please dont say anything if you disagree with homosexuality or w/e. personal experiences with this situation would be great.
thanks.
2006-07-21 20:34:16 · 12 answers · asked by nam 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Why do you suppose you think your friendship with this guy was a lie? You seem to have a pretty enlightened view of homosexuality and homosexuals – so certainly you think that homosexuals can be friends.
If it has to do with the talk about girls – you can certainly imagine that a guy who is gay may not be truly aware of it himself – or may try to repress his “gayness” by doing his best to be strait.
I think your feeling of betrayal is something else. Try to explore that feeling and see if you can get to what is behind it. One trick is to think about when you have felt that way before – what sorts of situations, and with what sorts of people. Be prepared to confront things about yourself you may not be comfortable with, and probably having nothing to do with sexuality.
In answer to your question – “how do I deal with my friend who is gay?”
The answer is your answer to this question: How does your friends sexuality affect you? How do you deal with your friends who are not gay? How does their sexuality affect you?
2006-07-21 20:52:20 · answer #1 · answered by ***** 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all I can say is be a friend, like you always have been. He probably feels weird too, saying something like that is not easy, especially to you who he's gone through a lot of stuff with. But he came clean to you and maybe talking about it and telling him you support him in his decision but you feel weird about a couple things, that happened in the past re: girls, between you both. Maybe he has a couple other things he wants to say and having everything in the open will help with your thoughts and feelings and make both of you as close as you were through out high school.
2006-07-22 03:42:17 · answer #2 · answered by It's Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think that since he was so honest with you, and he obviously trusts you and values your friendship, tell him how you feel. Tell him that you want to support him and still be his friend, but your going to feel weird about it for a while. It'll just take getting used to. Maybe later set a few bounderies... like not to hit on you or be overly descriptive about his sexual relationships.. (whatever makes you uncomfortable, those are just examples)
But I think that you are a great friend and honesty is the best way to go! After all, he was honest with you... and if you can accept his feelings, I'm sure he can accept yours!
2006-07-22 03:44:52 · answer #3 · answered by b4by_1n_4_bl3ndr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
man ive had a few gay friends i mean it shouldnt change anything about your relationship....if anything he could help you pick up girls and such.... just be the same friend to him you were before you knew he was gay.... i know its gotta be weird it was for me the first time i saw my two friends kiss... my mouth hit the floor and i became uncomfortable... but over time that feeling went away... **** talk about and do the same things you did before.... just know he means guys when he says girls... oh and your friendship wasnt a lie... because you werent friends with his sexual preference you were friends w/HIM... just stay true to that and all will be well....
2006-07-22 03:42:13 · answer #4 · answered by jonathan b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your friend for a reason. You shouldn't view it as him lying to you this whole time by checking out girls, etc. Chances are he was trying to figure out his sexuality, and when he did, he felt it important for you to know and accept him for who he is. I'm sure it was a huge shock for you, but continue to support him like you always have. Everyone probably won't take it as well as you and it will be especially important to be there for him to rely on.
2006-07-22 03:40:47 · answer #5 · answered by wldntulike_2know 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the friendship wasn't a lie. he just never felt comfortable enough with himself before to come out. he came out to you because he trusts you and thinks you'll support him. your feeling are not wrong, you feel like your friend is a whole different person now, and you don't know him.
feel free to talk to him about it. reassure him that you are still his friend it's just a little weird for you and you want to talk about it. he'll understand.
2006-07-22 03:42:19 · answer #6 · answered by vampire_kitti 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh you jusst said you have a friend!!!
that should not change anything...he is still the same person he was just different in one way or another...dones not mean you have to ignore him or stop being his friend..he told you this because he is your friend ..he trusts you cause like you said you were both close..dont stop just stand by him...I have nothing against gays...they are human like we are..more power to him..maybe now he will live life much better knowing that his best friend knows...goodluck to you both with your relationship (friends i mean) not being mean
2006-07-22 04:16:48 · answer #7 · answered by liltexas36 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what's the deal with this crazy world, why is it so flipping "cool" or whatever for everybody to be gay? i don't get it, it's freaking groose and disgusting keep it in the flipping closet people! deal with it by telling them how you feel about the situation while trying to not groose out at the same freaking time. good luck
P.s. i didn't think it was fair to not get my opinion just because i don't agree with homos. thanks
2006-07-22 03:40:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only relate to you my experience.My sister came out(only to her family) in the 60's. I was shocked! I tried to understand, I tried to support, I thought I was there to support her...I was so unenlightened! She commited suicide at 42. I wish I had her back even if she had a unicorn horn sticking out of her head! HE NEEDS YOU!!!
2006-07-22 04:08:06 · answer #9 · answered by Pat C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
use your skill and abilities in order to assess a situation and gain understanding about an event. you can also use intuition and thought. that was what i used when my friend came out. i thought and then used skills and abilities, so both can work, too. good luck!
2006-07-22 03:38:47 · answer #10 · answered by fury1162 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋