Help!! I need advice from mainly men, but women are welcome too?

Question

I need advice...I am 24 yrs old...I have been with my fiance for 7 yrs...we have a two yr old daughter and have been engaged for 2 1/2 years. I love him to death and love the fact that my daughter has a father as I never did....however, lately I have been feeling like I don't want to be with him anymore. He is good to me except for 1 thing...he is obsessed with porn. Don't get me wrong, we always watch it together, but he takes it to the next level. He knows the girls names, he looks them up online, he is constantly looking at women on the computer. I have told him how it makes me feel when he does this but he doesn't care, he just finds better ways to hide it. If he is going to go behind my back and do this, I feel like I want to do some playing of my own, with someone else. Is this stupid of me? Am I being childish?

Answer 1

Sounds like your spouse is a sex addict. Listed below are some websites that might be able to assist you and your husband. I would also seek professional help. If you can't afford it try checking with your EAP (Employees Assistance Program) they usually provide a set number of free sessions.

Here are some websites for you both:

http://www.themarriagebed.com/
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/...
http://www.family.org/married/
http://www.recovering-couples.org/...

Here are some websites for your husband:

http://www.sexhelp.com/
http://www.sexaa.org/
http://www.bebroken.com/
http://sexualrecovery.org/

Here's are some websites for you:

http://www.cosa-recovery.org/home.html... - Codependents of Sexual Addiction (COSA): For friends and family members whose lives have been affected by another person's compulsive sexual behavior.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/new...

Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I wish you the best of luck sexual addition is very hard to deal with.

Answer 2

Very interesting that you have with you man for 7 yrs and engaged 2-1/2 yrs and a daughter of 2 yrs. You did not mention that you are married.
Porn is a sad issue and many people are hook by this. However, it is very nice of you to watch together with him. There are two side to a porn. Bad and Good.
Good first, if making love is always the same position, one will take it as a routine act. With porn, couples can get funny idea, places in the house to create a new love making life.
Bad, it end up that person is making love to porn because his/her partner see it as ugly act.
If you see him next time visiting porn, just tell him if there is a new position that both of you could try (rather for him to seek his thrill outside)
When he feels that you are not bother by this, he will know when to stop because it will get dull in due time.

Answer 3

I think that there are some things people are interested in. Music, Movies, TV Drama, Martial Arts and many more. Your husband just happens to be one of those guys who is interested in porn. What you are describing is a person who is a fanatic about a certain topic. There are all types out there. The term for these types of people is "Mavens". I think you might get a better idea if you looked it up. I know a guy who gets aroused when he sees a high end sports car. Suffice to say when you describe him as knowing the actresses and the info regarding the porn, he is fulfilling a part of himself that has to know. I would just continue loving him and take part in his interest. I think he'll appreciate it. Be open about it and he won't have to hide it from you. You know those phone numbers on soap bars and shampoo asking if you have any questions or comments? If porn stuff had those numbers, he's the type of person who would call those numbers. I know a guy who (as stated above) does the exact same thing with cars. He's currently in the process of building a car from scratch. SCRATCH! But that's how much he loves his passion. I guess your husband is the same way.

Answer 4

No, you are not foolish and no you are not childish.

This is your personal choice if you want to stay with him and no one here can tell you what to choose, and really, don't listen to anyone that tell you to dump him or stay with him. Why: because if you ever have a doubt that you did not do what you wanted to on your own thinking, then you will never forgive yourself if you change your mind down the road that you read something on this panel or asked your best friend, or someone else, and made that sort of life decision.

What I will offer you is that I do not believe this is normal behavior. You didn't say how long he has been doing this which is something I'm curious about -- it could be a passing whim, or it could be signs that he needs some counseling to help him with whatever makes him do this.

Personally, if you are having doubts, sometimes you just have to follow that gut instinct; I always have and have no regrets.

Answer 5

Yes you are being childish, you think your husband is having an affair with porn, he is not he likes watching it and the names if you watch something often enough you will learn the names of anything, you watch soaps and you know the names right.
So if you are willing to cheat on your husband because he watches porn then that would be dumb because he is not cheating on you. What you should is make comments about the male actors in porn when he is watching it will take the fun away or viseversa.

Answer 6

Yes that's childish! that's family ruining shyt right there! you're talking about taking a wrecking ball to a 7-year wall, chica! You gotta THINK. Ok, check this out- I once had a gf who told me that she didn't want me to be obsessed with porn, in fact, she didn't like the fact that I watched the little bit that I did. She told me that SHE wanted to be ALL the entertainment for ME. She said "If you want to see stripping, I will strip for you" and she even went as far as building a pole in the bedroom and making our own movies to watch just for us. She basically told me that she wanted to be my live porn queen, exclusively for me. Now, what intelligent man would not want that? If he's been with you for 7 years, he HAS to find you attractive sexually, all you need to do is release the jenna jameson from within and make him turn that damn PC off! find out what these girls are doing that gets him off, and damn do it! and not that Im saying you have any, but if unsightly stretch marks still exist from prenancy, Cocoa butter creme will become your best friend. If he wants you to, shave yourself (you know where), or even better, have him do it...That's all I have to say...good luck...

Answer 7

Just means you aint putting out the way you used to when yall first met back in the day when yall first sexed each other anywhere and everywhere. Think back and you'll know I'm right. If ya wanna meet other men, then tell him you want an open relationship. Otherwise, stick by the man you love. Ya probably just need a sex therapist to help yalls sex life.

Answer 8

i understand u feel if u play with someone else then it will make things even, but it won't.
if u care and i think u do or u wouldn't be asking.
u will feel guilty because u brought urself down to his level.
2 wrongs don't make a rt, and what would u be teaching ur daughter?
take care of this with dignity, u'll like ur self in the end.
he is mentally cheating, u just want to feel like u matter more then those girls, thats not unfair. no body wants to feel like they come in second place to thier signifigant other.

Answer 9

If this is the worst thinkg you have to contend with, you should consider yourself fortunite.

If you are considering leaving him over an issue you are not sure is a big issue - what are you going to do when you two encounter a real problem (and you will). Running away is not a solution.

ALSO - porn and cheeting are not equivelent. Nor would having an affair solve your problem - but it WOULD provide that real problem I mentioned earlier...

Answer 10

You are childish , this the age people love to perform and one must participate with open mind , there is nothing wrong , if he sees only pictures , I don't think there is any issue between you two , at least concentrate on good food in place of worrying .