I have been married for less than a year. When my wife and i first started talking (we met online) all the way past our first few months together we were a happy couple. Loving, affectionate, playful, almost never argued and respectful of one another.
Months passed and now she acts like I'm someone she can't stand most the time. She says she loves me and wants to be with me but doesn't show it at all. I know that her past boyfriends treated her badly, but i feel like I'm paying for it. She only wants to do what she wants and rarely gives in on my wants/needs.
I refuse to give up on her so please don't say "divorce her"
I just need some advice on how to make this work better. I love her and she says she loves me and i do trust her... she's just not doing a very good job of showing me like she used to.
Advice?
2006-07-21 19:32:25 · 8 answers · asked by Talamascaa 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If two people in a relationship always agree on everything, what do they really need each other for?
Disagreement breeds ingenuity- if you both compromise, you can learn something new!
Marriage is not just a ride at an amusement park--- It takes work. It's give and take. Neither of you will always have it your way.
Here's a suggestion-
Do something nice for her every day- Make her breakfast, buy her flowers- give her a foot rub- whatever she likes. Go out of your way to make her life easier somehow. Don't keep score though- and don't expect anything in return! Just keep doing nice things for her--- considering you guys are in love, I bet that eventually she will warm up to you.
My wife and I have been married for about 7 years- Before we got married, she was always doing things to show her love- For me, it was about 2 years in before I found myself doubting our marriage- It felt very routine and I didn't think she really enjoyed being married to me, even though she said she loved me. It seems to me like marriages go through phases- Sometimes you chase her affection, and I bet that in the future at some point, she will chase your affection!
The first year of marriage is easy- its the second and third that are harder, because the "newness" of it has worn off. Just don't give up on it! I bet it will get better for you.
2006-07-21 19:52:04 · answer #1 · answered by User 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage should be a constantly increasing and deepening exchange of thoughts and feelings. But for many couples, the happiest, most open-hearted times they have had together were during their honeymoon days. They were continually discovering each other. They found tremendous excitement in opening their minds and hearts to each other.
But all that has changed, now they still talk to each other, but not about anything that really matters. They just exchange bits of necessary information. The thirst for discovery has disappeared. They now think they understand each other, they believe that this is their true partner. And unless something happens to shake this belief, they'll never know each other better than they do right now. What you two need right now is a good solid conversation that comes right from the heart. You have to find the courage to open up. Sometimes unconsciously women are afraid of their husbands and men too are afraid of their wives. Men hide their fear behind a gruff domineering manner or cut off a conversation with one harsh word. Or they go off and pick up a newspaper and settle in a corner someplace.
Everybody dreads criticism, especially from those we love. We know each other so well, including our weaknesses and failures. We all have secret faults and past experiences we're ashamed of and we're afraid that old wounds may be opened up.
The second fear that shuts our mouth is the dread of advice. If we really want to understand each other we need to " shut up" and listen sometimes. We don't always know better or know more than our partner, do we?
When we love somebody, we never put ourselves above that person. We don't down-grade someone we love. We're not blind to the faults and weaknesses of our partners. We know them far better than anyone else. But we cover them with love and wrap them warmly with understanding. We protect them. Put yourself above your wife, and lavish her with praise, minimize her faults and magnify her virtues. Always attack the problems and not each other. All in all, create more love, a pat here or a squeeze there, a hug would be nice, or better yet a kiss. Try it!
2006-07-22 03:17:15 · answer #2 · answered by trieghtonhere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
relationships often take the turn for the worse after the bloom is off the rose. The novelty of being with someone new can wear off too quickly for some people. If you have an open relationship ( Good Communication), the best thing to do is talk about whatever she might be having trouble with. It may be you, it may be her, or something else all together. The point is, without knowing what "It" is, you can't start to take the necessary steps to improve your marriage.
2006-07-22 02:40:37 · answer #3 · answered by voyager21_1999 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, in my experience... any spouse whether male or female, when they stop showing affection, and start to initiate fights, for no reason... are suffering from something. Whether you don't make her happy anymore, or she's cheating, or this wasn't what she had expected...etc..
Best think you can do is sit down and try and talk with her about it, and find out what's ailing her. When you love someone, you can't stop touching and holding them. It's just something you do... It never stops not even 40 years after you're married. It's unfortunate that's it's stopped and has been a little over a year.
Talk. Communication is KEY.
2006-07-22 02:37:09 · answer #4 · answered by MissT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest getting the book "the proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura
You read it first and see that Dr. Laura is showing women how they really have the power in the relationship and that if they take care of their husbands, their husbands will do ANYTHING for them. When you ask her to read it she may be offended at first, but tell her it helps to explain what a man feels and how it can help her understand you.
2006-07-22 02:35:06 · answer #5 · answered by keb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a hobby. A woman likes attention to a point.
2006-07-22 02:38:45 · answer #6 · answered by Yahoo answer dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a patience, both will be happy if you really love each other. Marriage is nothing but adjustment.
2006-07-22 02:39:26 · answer #7 · answered by Hem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are talking to the wrong people. You need to sit her down and just tell her how you feel and ask her why?
2006-07-22 02:36:04 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋