attempted rape?

Question

ok ..so this guy at work ...sorta tried to rape me..I'm 18 and i have an internship at this business. Well this guy had a creepy obsession w/ me since i started and touched me and stuff. (He is only 27) well he called me into his office the otha day. when i sat down he locked the door. He then grabbed me and pinned my arms down.. and well undid my uh pants...well anyways someone knocked on his door.so that obviously stopped him. Before he opened the door he said if i told anyone that he would have me fired and all of my friends and that he'd ruin my life. I hope u undestand that i havent told ANYONE in my life.. So i'm relying of opinions from strangers. Thank You

Answer 1

I'm not exactly sure what you are asking...I'm assuming you just want advice in general, so I'm going to go with that.

I have been raped numerous times, so know that I do understand your situation at least somewhat. Whether you go to the police is your decision and your decision alone. When I was 13 my teacher raped me and just this past year (I'm 17) I reported him. Since it had been 3 years (at the time I reported) since he had raped me it was very hard for the police to find evidence and it ended up not even going to trial. I do not regret for a moment reporting him; it was probably one of the best choices I have ever made. I was also raped by my best friend's brother on numerous occassions, but I have never and will never report him. That is a perfect example of how it is different in every situation (and for every person). Reporting felt like the right thing to do when it came to my teacher but for reasons I will not go into right now I chose not to report my friend's brother. It's a personal decision whether or not to report and you should not feel bad about it either way. As for him saying he'll fire you and ruin your life, it is most likely more of a threat than anything. Rapists use threats of all calibers to keep their vicitims quiet. These threats can range from threatening to come after you, hurt your family, fire you, blackmail, etc. It is statistically proven that most rapists/abuser will never go through with these threats--it looks too obvious. If you reported him and suddenly you were fired it would look suspicious.

I was terrified to report my teacher but I can honestly say that the night I did was the happiest night of my life. This incredible burden was lifted from my shoulders. Even though nothing ended up coming of it, I do not regret it at all.

Reporting aside, I hope you realize you need to talk with someone about this. I used to be the most private person in the world, so I know full well how hard it can be to confide in someone. If you have a close friend or family member who you can talk to, start there. It will be horribly difficult and awkward, but it is for the best. Whether or not you have someone to talk to in your life, you must seek psychiatric help. Just because he didn't completely, all-the-way rape you doesn't make it any easier on you. Victims of attempted rape are often just as traumatized as victims of full-out rape. You NEED to talk with a counselor/therapist/psychologist, etc.

There are online sources, as well, such as RAINN.

Know that you are NOT alone. Though it may not seem like it at the moment, others DO know what you are going through and DO understand. And know that it was in NO WAY your fault. I promise you that one day things will be better again, it just takes time. In the meantime, talk with a family member or friend, see a therapist, read EVERYTHING you can get your hands on about rape (believe me, it helps), find some sort of outlet (art, writing, martial arts, etc.), and give yourself the time and space to recover and heal.

I wish you all the best, sweetie.

Answer 2

Is it possible to talk with an older female worker there that can be objective? How long do you have to work there. That's a sexual harassment type of situation. I know you are worried about getting fired, but is this worth your piece of mind. Rapists and molestors always use that same old line...but the thing that will ruin your life is if you don't deal with this NOW opposed to later. You have to find some one and talk with them about this situation. Does your job have a EAP line (Employee Assistant Program). You could confidentially call the line and get an appointment with a counselor. You need to talk to an objective person and also...find some type of resolution to this matter. I hope this guy isn't a supervisor...that would make this more sticky.

Sticking up for you from Chicago.

Answer 3

You have a case. You were taken advantage of because you are young and inexperienced. Go immediately to your human resource manager, or the person who hired you, or an older, safe woman, and tell her this.

Trust me -- this guy won't ruin your life or your future prospects. In fact, when you tell, you'll be significantly harming his future prospects -- the prospect of attacking other young women! So do yourself and all those other women out there a favor and SPEAK UP! Don't be afraid. He is counting on your fear and silence and confusion so he can keep getting away with this.

Buy a small notebook and record every instance of Mr. Creep saying or doing anything. What you need is concrete verification that he is obsessive, a stalker, acting inappropriately, acting unprofessionally. Keep that little notebook with you at all times.

I'm 38 and a teacher, but I've been where you are. I didn't have anyone do anything this extreme, but I've been harassed and treated poorly just for being young and naive and new to the work world. Let me give you a few tips.

1) Learn to dress professionally. Clothes make the woman. Don't be a schlub and don't be a glamazon, but do look put together and professional. You will earn respect not only for what you do, but how you look.

2) Learn not to be a victim. Right now this means learning how to walk head up, shoulders back, like you always know where you're going and what you're doing. Act confident and soon you will be confident.

3) Learn zingers and come-backs. It's not easy to be a young woman in a work environment, and people are going to say stupid stuff. Learn to set personal boundaries, deflect rude questions, stand up for yourself, and be just open enough to be friendly, but just private enough to keep your personal business to yourself. It's a fine line to tread, and it takes experience and a few years to perfect.

4) Research and be aware of what constitutes sexual harassment. This includes looks, suggestive remarks, business propositions that include inappropriate payment or settlement, or actual touching. See if your company has a sexual harassment policy. If they don't, maybe this incident will show them a need for it.

5) Never stop speaking up. Be a mouthy broad. You may not be liked at the time, but you will get respect, and in the end, respect is always more important. People will like you afterward because you stood up for yourself, took no bullsh-it, and enforced appropriate boundaries. It is a tough line to walk, but worth it.

6) Make friends with older women and men, and try to learn from them. Ideally someone may offer to be a mentor to you. If you can get a mentor, this person will not only train you to do your job better, but can recommend promotions, help you change laterally to do a different job to gain experience, can help you meet other people, and can stick up for you and tell you how to handle sticky inter-office political occurrences, like the one you reported.

7) Google this guy and see if he's got a record. Take this with you when you go to your human resource person, along with your complaints and a report about what happened. Action should be taken immediately. You should not be harmed in any way. That means you get to keep your job, keep your hours, keep your pay, keep your position, and keep your reputation.

GOOD LUCK. You can do this. You must speak up or this guy will try this again with you (you got LUCKY when someone came in) or he may try this with some other female employee. You have the power to put a stop to this guy NOW. I'm sure you can and you will.

Cheers, K

Answer 4

This is ridiculous. Are you serious? If this is true you tell the boss's boss. They are required by law to investigate your claim to your satisfaction within 48 hrs. They will take testimony from you and the "offending person". You cannot be dismissed. Get a lawyer who specializes in harassment suits. You got yourself a hell of a lawsuit. Be prepared for background questions to discredit you. Don't worry, if what you say is true, they will offer a settlement to dismiss the case. I do have one worry about you as as litigant. Your question shows lack of focus and proper spelling. The examples:"sorta", "otha". You appear as a "youte"

If you want to be taken seriously in a courtroom, you will wear a suit made out of cloth.

Answer 5

OK so I am a guy you have to understand that first. Second understand that I am old enough to be your father. What you need to do is contact the police department first because it is assault and secondly you need to go to the human resources/personnel department and file a sexual harrassment complaint. He was totally inappropriate and had no business or reason to touch your body in the first place. He damned sure had no reason to open your pants. REPORT HIS ***!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Yes, if I were you, I would tell the head of the business.
In the meantime, buy yourself some pepperspray and steer clear of creppy guys like that...
His threat is futile, it will be him getting fired...
If your boss has ANY sense, he will take your story and make a decision... FIRING THE GUY...
Ask your friends and co-workers if he has done this before for more evidence.
If he tries it again, RUN!
Hope this helps...

Answer 7

call the police that guy deserves 2 be arrested 4 what he did really call the police be4 he can do anything else to u and or others

Answer 8

u should talk to someone if he tried once he may try it again and there good of been others that he has hurt or tried to hurt. this man needs to be stopped hes gonna hurt someone if he hasnt already

Answer 9

Let one of your friends, "guy" friends meet up with him in a parking lot and teach this guy some respect.

Answer 10

i would ask my father and my boy friend or any male in my family with a strong fierce look to attempt rape him that would teach him a lesson.