Divorce or stay?

Question

After 10 years of marriage, I have tried to be attracted to my wife, but it simply isn't working. I can't seem to be attracted to her. We have two kids (7 and 2), should I get a divorce?

Answer 1

Wow, that is a big, hard, ugly question.

You obviously love her, or you wouldn't be asking. That's a start.

When married couples have children, it is very common for the woman to turn into a mother, and forget how to be a wife for you. This could make her less attractive to you (besides the nagging, baggy clothes, no make up, lack of attention to your physical need, etc.) This can make it very hard to love her!

I'm glad that you are trying!

Besides supporting her and loving her, there isn't much YOU can do to change HER. You might consider taking her shopping for a nice outfit or something sexy or make sure you get your weekly date.

If I can offer one piece of advice for you and your wife, I highly suggest she (and you) read Dr. Laura's "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Yeah, sounds weird, I know. This book WILL change your marriage!! I can't say enough about how great this book is. Please, go buy it (you can get it online for less then $10...a small price to save your marriage) and read it with your wife. (If she'll read it on her own, that's even better.

Your wife and you need to come together to make your marriage work. Marriage is for two people, and both have to work at it!

Good luck, and I hope you get the book. It saved MY marriage.

Answer 2

Wait...you want to divorce your wife of 10 years because you aren't attracted to her???
Did the weight not come off after giving birth to your two children like you wanted? Have you gained weight or changed in any way since you said the "I DO's" If you are considering divorce I sure in the heck hope it is deeper then not being attracted. Divorce is difficult on the adults let alone the children who really don't understand at that age. When two people get married yes the physical thing helps but guess what looks go and you better have married someone that you have something in common with so you can hold a conversation with them or enjoy life. Go seek professional help before divorcing the MOTHER of your CHILDREN!!!

Answer 3

Are you cheating on her? Is she a nag? Is she fat? Is she slovenly? What attracted you to her in the first place, to make a life time commitment? Is she cheating on you? Can't be a sex thing, you have a child that is 2...Does she know how you feel? Do you 2 fight a lot? and back to question #1 are you cheating on her?

If your are unhappy in your marriage, then yes get a divorce, there just isn't any point in trying to work something out, unless you want to work it out... By the way you constructed your question, it sounds to me, like your wife doesn't have a clue whats going through your mind...

The children will be just fine, I think you know what your decision is going to be, why wait till the children are older? you know you will be leaving your wife anyway... leave now this gives your wife a chance to start a new life at a young age...Save everyone a lot of misery..

I feel very sorry for your wife, I hope she is strong...

Answer 4

How sad for your wife and children that the only thing you find important is the "attraction"...which of course is all physical. That is very shallow. I suggest you take a good hard look in the mirror. Do you see some GQ guy? I doubt it. So, what have you got to offer her? Have you told her how much you appreciate what she does? Have you kept the romance alive? Have you made her the number one priority in your life? If all of these questions drew a "no", I suggest you work on yourself. How dare you think that just because you aren't "attracted" to your wife any longer that you have the right to destroy her and your children. How selfish. I suggest you seek out counseling and begin to turn your life around. There are thousands of guys just like you out there who took their wife and marriage for granted...now they're divorced and really sorry for it. Think twice before you lose everything.

Answer 5

After 10 years of marriage you've both probably changed,
which I think is normal, but you say you can't seem to be attracted to her, were you from the start? Did something
happen? Have you been looking elsewhere? Look you
have 2 children together, before you think about jumping out of a marriage of 10 years, talk to your wife about what you are feeling, she might feel the same way you do, did you think of that?

Answer 6

I haven't been married that long but I will say if there is anyway to keep that spark alive DO IT!!
There are councelors out there that can help you both fix this problem Don't forget about the Man Above---He can do wonderful things for you! You can also start over Remember what attracted you to your wife and hold on to that. I am seeing first hand how divorce can affect lives and it's a horrible thing---Avoidable if you want it to be. I wish you the best of luck and I will keep your family in my prayers!!!

Answer 7

There was something that attracted you to her 10 years ago, what has changed? Has she gained weight? Has she quit taking care of herself physically (cleanliness etc)? Has her attitude changed?

Why not sit back and look at the woman you married not what you are more than likely fantasizing about having for a wife. take stock in what you have and if your decade long search to find her attractive has failed perhaps it is within you not her.

You were attracted to her enough to make two babies with her and so there is something there. What do YOU think would make her more attractive? What can YOU do to help her in that department?

Chances are you are bored. There isnt the spark that was there before the tatertots came along. There seldom is. It isnt a one way street though. You have to help her feel attractive and you yourself have to be attractive for her. Light a spark in her furnace. Do something special. You can find something that can change your heart towards this woman who more than likely thinks her husband loves her intensely and dang near worships the ground she walks on....if she only knew the truth!

Dont give up on her and the kids. Kids need a mom and a dad. You made a promise to your wife to love honor cherish etc until death do you part. I have yet to hear a vow that says "until Im not attracted to her anymore".... You have to solve this problem on your own. If you really look at your concern from the outside looking in you will more than likely find you are being kinda silly. So love your wife, love your babies momma, look to her heart for attractivness if her physical features dont flip your switch. Look at the fact she gave you two babies and has put up with you for 10 years and maybe just maybe she thinks you just dont "do" for her what you once did. Is this feeling you have really worth tearing apart a family for?

Answer 8

I always say try to make it work.Marriage,especially when young kids are involved,is worth saving.Your youngest is only two yrs old,so you must have just started thinking this way.TRY to rekindle the fire.Start by getting a babysitter and going out alone for some quality time alone together.Get out,dress up,and have some adult fun!Then,in the privacy of your bedroom,spice things up.Maybe role play,add some toys,etc.Marriage and life are what you make it and from the way you asked,I think you still have a shot at a happy,long marriage together.Good luck and think positive!!!

Answer 9

You married someone you were not attracted to....after 10 yrs with someone that doesn't find her attractive.....you may not be very attractive to her either. No you shouldn't divorce her, but she may need to divorce you for marrying her under false pretense. Shame on you, and may she return the same kindness to you that you have shown to her. I guess she had the kids all by herself, shame on you. You probably don't deserve her or the children.

Answer 10

All I can say is make sure you have really thought it out before you make a move because if you change your mind later you might not be able to get her back.

Do you still love her? What's different now? Why aren't you attracted to her? Are you interested in someone else? Are you cheating?

Seek professional help!