talking to my mom about guys?

Question

i recently came out to my mom, and she said she was very supportive of me, whatever i decide to do in life. but she did say she'd "rather me be straight" and was hoping that i am "just going through a phase." this was about 2 months ago. how do i talk to her about this? i should've done it when we were having the entire "coming out" talk. but i couldn't, cause she has a way with words to make you always sound wrong. help me out, i wanna tell her that this is not a phase. she thinks i might just be confused, cause i act 100% straight, like if you met me, you'd never know. i'm not too open about it, but if someone asks, i'll be completely honest. so, i just need some advice on telling her this isn't just a phase and when to bring it up, cause i dont wanna be just sitting there at dinner and then say, "hey, this is not a phase" etc.. what kind of conversation should i start with?

Answer 1

Hi Dude,

First, I don't have the answer to a whole lot of things about being gay but on this one I think I can help.

You need to show your mom by example. Start bringing your friends around but don't emphasize to her that they are gay. Let her gradually get used to the idea that being gay isn't that much different from being straight in terms of the needs that you have for your parents to love you and to have some good strong supportive friends.

It isn't a nut you can crack overnight. Give it some time and really try to just live a good life and show her that you are the son she loves and you happen to be gay. I think the mistake I made with my parents was expecting them to come to grips with it overnight. It's instead been years. If I were starting it over again, I'd do just what you have done but then just go forward knowing she loves you and continue to show her you know what you are doing.

Best of luck. I'm sure you'll make it work.

Answer 2

Thats a tough subject. My mom has always been super supportive about it, so this isnt from experience personally, but I do have several friends with the same problems. I would say to just give it some time, dont even bring it up. Let her see on her own that you are what you are, and that you love who you love and when its been about a yr she will figure it out. I would introduce her to your boyfriends and if she has a problem with it, then would be a time to say something. Give her a chance, shell come along. All parents want there kids lives to be as easy and stress free as possible, so its not ever easy to accept your child as being gay. Its just not an easy life, no matter what you do. I can tell you right now even as gay as I am, I would never want my child to be. Good luck.

Answer 3

Don't have the conversation. It truly is as simple as that. Although your mother is being as supportive as she is capable of being, it is going to take time for her to get used to. 2 months isn't exactly a long time when you consider that she has been thinking of you as "straight" most of your life. Stand back and let her deal with it in her own time and her own fashion. As time goes by, and you live your life, she will come to accept the fact that this isn't a "phase" or that your confused. I have been going through the same thing with both of my parents. Everyday they get one step closer to realizing how things actually are. Give her time and love and everything will work out. Hang in there!!! Good luck!

Answer 4

The simplest easiest thing is to establish a dialog with Mom. Simply get in the habit of reporting on your life the way it is without building elaborate fortresses, etc. If you start to tell her about regular dates, etc, eventually Mom will be smart enough to figure out that this is your life and not a phase. Above all become friends. Friends talk, be friends with your Mom she could turn out to be the most important friend in your life.

Answer 5

I've been there and done that.

I hope this simple bit of advice will help.

Just be yourself and don't think about it as a struggle.

As your mother sees you living as a gay man no words will be necessary.

She will not have any more questions regarding a 'phase' because she will watch your life and realize herself that it is not a phase.

You cannot convince her. You can let her see it.

Good luck, little brother.

Answer 6

After dinner, or even one afternoon, pull her asideand say to her "do you remember that conversation we had about my being gay?" Let her know. You are gay, and were born that way. It is not a phase that you can grow out of or that family can ignore and hope goes away

Answer 7

i'm mom of three youngsters who left my husband for yet another guy and then got here back abode to him(it became into thier stepdad)becuZ even tho i became into ultimately chuffed they have been unhappy so i cam back abode and that they found out how lonely iwas back and unhappy (and mad) and now thy say sorry to me determining i did the suggestions-blowing factor leaving and being a chuffed mom /(and tell me this) is your mom chuffed? possibly your mom and pa are happier aside and then aside they are able to concentration on u now with anger mistrust etc they cant provide u what u choose...i need to be greater distinctive and supply greater factors of view yet think of approximately it do u have brothers and sisters? do no longer tell ur dad and get caught in center for beneficial

Answer 8

Perhaps if you suggest to her that she attend a PFLAG meeting with you ... it may sink in. And if you joined some sort of community group that works to better the relations in the GLBT & hetero community where you live.

It wouldn't hurt to have open dialogue with your mother. It may take some time though. Good luck!