I have been married for 11 years to a wonderful woman. Recently I got in contact with a girl I casually dated my senior year in HS about 18 years ago. We've had lunch a couple of times and I have found out that I have really strong feelings for her. I don't want to cheat on my wife, nor do I want to lose touch with this woman. She and I have a lot in common and a lot to talk about. I'm just confused. Any ideas?
2006-07-21 18:05:46 · 15 answers · asked by TTnut 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In your situation, T-Nut, you need to end your rekindled friendship NOW, or plan on your divorce.
There is nothing good that can happen here. Does your wife know about these meetings and/or your feelings? If she doesn't, you are ALREADY CHEATING, my friend.
You and I both know you are juggling a bunch of lies right now. Knock it off and straighten up.
2006-07-21 18:16:36 · answer #1 · answered by PI Joe 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of your marriage you should honor the commitment you made to the wonderful woman who gave you the last 11 years of her life and sever all ties with your old high school girlfriend. When you say you "have really strong feelings for her" that's a HUGE red flag and only spells trouble for your marriage. Take it from someone who's been there, if you try to hang on to your old flame/new friend you will only cause extreme heartache for your wife and serious problems in your marriage. I've been there and NEVER want to experience something like that again, my husband and I BOTH learned the hard way what a huge mistake that was. Please honor your wife and establish boundaries for yourself REAL fast - the old gf needs to go.
2006-07-21 18:16:17 · answer #2 · answered by Damaila 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask you're already in trouble. Why did you contact her in the first place? If you ran into each other on the street and had a cup of coffee to catch up on old times that would be a coincidental happening. Buddy, you went looking for trouble and found it. Stay away. Far away. Remember your wedding vows and run quickly in the opposit direction. BE A MAN.
2006-07-21 18:22:06 · answer #3 · answered by valducci53 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your only playing with your own decisions.
Your now saying Im undecided about the choice I made about my wife and I don't really know who I am.
Stop the fantasies and the dating! Your cheating on her officially , If you truly are married.
You may be a high school kids pretending to be an adult.
Be stable and be firm about your choices and respect yourself.
2006-07-21 18:15:00 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Strong feelings because you are going back to what you had 18 years ago (rekindling that ol' flame) I wouldn't chance it, unless your wife knows about her and you guys have gone out together with her..but keep in touch with her as minimal as you can. 11 years of marriage just isnt worth it.
2006-07-21 18:20:21 · answer #5 · answered by JC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my hubby is still friends with a lot of exes. some are married and some are still single. likewise, i have lots of male friends. however, my husband and i decided that if we are going to go to lunch or hang out with an ex/friend of the opposite sex, we will only go together not alone. so, if you want to go to lunch with this friend, invite your wife as well. and if your friend has a boyfriend/husband, make it a double date. it helps ensure there is no temptation to cheat for either party and will make your wife feel more secure as well. hope this helps!
2006-07-21 18:11:54 · answer #6 · answered by MnKLmT 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO. You cannot be friends or anything. Period.
You are having an emotional affair and you are cheating on your wife.
Don't even kid yourself. Read about emotional affairs and then try to rationalize this. You can't.
You are cheating now.
You need to stop.
And why in the world did you meet her for lunch and just what did you think you were doing?
2006-07-21 18:17:43 · answer #7 · answered by DD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since you are arracted to this other woman i wouldn't think a friendship would be wise.... Just remember the grass always looks greener on the otehrside... If you really just want to maintain a friendship with this other lady only be around here when you take your wife with you... Good Luck
2006-07-21 18:11:52 · answer #8 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you cut all ties with this woman, "from your past" unless you want to end your 11 marriage up in divorce court. I hope, you have told your wife about your "luncheons"
2006-07-22 10:11:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love your wife then stay with her, do know make things bad for you to( wife & you ) if it is hard for you to go out so friend with your HS sweet heart then don't go!!! a 11 years means alot to people, i allways say most people don't make it 2 years so 11 years said alot.
2006-07-21 18:20:20 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋