My Husband and I....?

Question

we do not make love anymore and fight all the time about bills...i am starting to not like him...he's changed he doesnt care when i am sick or if i am tired...i cant leave its not that easy we have kids...he's a great dad but a terrible husband...for example we went thru a big thing this week lots of stress he heard me tell our kids that i was sorry for not spending time with them and he says what about me you havent paid any attention to me....i thought sheesh now who's the baby....any advice on what i can do to save this marriage

Answer 1

take a deep breath and relax... you have too much stress in your life. bills and money are always going to be a stress, no matter how much money you have. you love your husband, show him. take some time for the two of you, even if it is just taking a shower together in the morning. you two fell in love, remember that. to save your family, you have to remember that your husband needs affection. make him feel special and important. he will do the same thing for you... you just may have to be the one to start it. kindness is repaid with kindness.... start the cycle.

Answer 2

Honeymoons don't last forever and actually they shouldn't. Marriage, to be happy and successful, must be far more than a prolonged honeymoon.
Just because you stood before a minister and said " I do" doesn't mean that you ever really do! Every couple should have a tape recording of their wdding vows and every once in awhile they both should sit down and listen to them. Especially the part that starts, " Do you promise". They should listen to all those things that they said " I do" to, then ask themselves, " Are we doing it" or " Did we do it today?"
Did you ever buy one of those Christmas presents for your kids that comes in about 106 pieces? Then you spent the whole Christmas eve putting it together. You needed a screw driver, pliers, hammer. You scratched it and had to repaint it. You broke a piece off and had to glue it back on. The directions didn't make sense, but you'd have been lost without them.
Well, marriage is a bit like that. We seem to forget that happiness is more than finding the right partner, it's also " Being" the right partner. A happily married, well adjusted couple didn't get that way by accident any more than that toy you bought and assembled did. It took hard work and determination. It required reading and understanding and following directions. AND it took a fixed purpose to complete successfully what had been started, in spite of difficulties.
Marriage does not solve all problems. In fact, it creates quite a few. But having created the problems, you have a companion to help solve them. Before you can solve the problem, you have to know what it is. Usually we blame our partner. When you married you figured that you found the right partner, but a lot of water has passed under the bridge and a lot of childish dreams have gone over the dam. The dreams are broken and your eyes are now opened. The trouble is, your eyes only see the faults, you've forgotten about the virtues.
The problem isn't the fault or that weakness in your partner, it's immaturity. Children are immature, they're self-centered, they want their own way, They cannot accept criticism or contradiction at all.
Marriage is adjustments, its full of them. But thats not adjusting your partner but adjusting to your partner. And this does not come easily.
Couples who have been together for a number of years lack togetherness, why, they don't communicate with each other like they did when they first started out. They've taken each other for granted, then suddenly they wonder " what happened". The thirst for discovery has disappeared and now they think they understand each other, Wrong! This gray area of stupid thinking has to change or this marriage has seen it's day.
A couple needs to have the desire and the will to understand each other. To start they need to encourage each other to really express themselves openly to each other. If we really want to understand each other, Don't answer, just listen. WE must have a loving attitude of concern along with faith in our partner's character and judgement. We must never seem like we know it all or we know better than him. We should have mutual respect for each other, look to each other for advice and protecting each other from criticism and misunderstandings.
But along with these suggestions, you should also show physical expression's of your love daily- a pat, the squeeze, the hug, the kiss. And most importantly take time for each other and show your love openly to each other.

Answer 3

Your Husband is starving for attention and doesn't know how to tell you so hes simply lashing out. A busy house full of kids and over flowing with bills sometimes leaves little time for MOM and DAD. Your Husband doesn't want a divorce he wants the woman he fell in love with for some SERIOUS alone time once inawhile. You don't have to run off on a fancy vacation alone together or anything. Get a babysitter once inawhile and go out to dinner and a movie Gap it off with some Adult time. I just told another person on her LOVE is like a FLAME if you don't attend to that flame every now and then it will die. Please don't let your flame burn out. Make a little time to attend that flame with just you and your hubby. It isn't stealing time from your kids when your preserving the flame that gave them to you. Good Luck I hope your Flame burns bright again soon.

Answer 4

You have to remember what is really important! There will always be bills to pay and stress to deal with. Those things never go away. You have to dig down deep and realize how much worse it would be if he were no longer there. Remember LOVE is not just a feeling but a verb, you have to actively do something loving towards him. Even if you don't think you are getting what you want or need right now, concentrate on loving your husband, and you will see how things will start turning around. Love is a decision.

Answer 5

first of all you need to figure out if you want to save the marriage. If not, yes you can leave, i left with three children, age 13months, and twins that were 6 weeks old. It's hard but better to have two happy loving homes for the kids than one full of hostility. Should you decide to save it...a husband and wife vacation is a way for you to send time getting to know each other again without the bills, kids, and all other life stressors. If you are unable to take a vacation..how about the weekend alone...walk in the park...a picnic. It is important to discuss with him what you need, what he needs (Don't forget to not piont fingers) Tell each other how important you both are and what makes you happy. Also, try spicing up the bed room...making a night that is all about him..will also be returned to you.. One last thing, I have found that men in general are like children...they need to feel needed, appreciated, and wanted. If they don't its a direct hit the their ego. I am not saying to be a servant to your man. NOT at all. But make the first move. Suprise him....he'll love it and want to please you too. (i'm all aspects of your mariage. Good luck!!

Answer 6

Try going to a marriage conference sponsored by familylife.com

Go to marriage conference. click on conference times and dates.

Choose , " A Weekend to Remember!" Great conference.

You don't necessarily have to have marriage problems to go to this conference, but it's ok if you do. A llot of couples go to brush up on love muscles that tend to go flabby on us during the marriage years.

Lots of fun. No personal meetings. All done in a public auditorium. Laugh, no kids, play, and get a date nite out of the deal.

You guys deserve it. Go for it!

Answer 7

both of you need to communicate more... both of you need to be more tolerant of each other.. i think all marriages go through all this stuff.. you guys are married you can't just give up.. need to remember what made u guys fall in love in the first place..don;t let stress and money problems ruin your family.. it's not worth it .. sometimes men need loving just like a child , cause they can be big babies.. and sometimes one has to choose to ignore things that really annoy us and it's best to get annoyed at the big stuff not the little stuff.. talk, and understand each other , think that's all it will take for you guys .. hope it works out for you :)

Answer 8

hey there,, you have reached a time of complacency and being a guy we dont have the same maternal instincts to the kids as a mom does ,,he see and hears you and gets all pissy pants,cause its not about him ,,you need to just get some time away ,even a nite together,make it about him ,,and be open and tell him that he needs to show you the passion and desires to ,lfe is very fast today and to keep up we need to slow down and try to enjoy each other,,i think if he understands your wants ,,needs and desires ,,it just mite work ,,email me if you wanna chat more

Answer 9

I really wish that I could say one thing to help you, but I can't!

He's gotta realize that the kids come first until they're 18/moved out.

My s-- life has almost died from this, but I keep hope that eventually, it'll get back to normal.

Tell your Husband that he's being childish and that he must rearrange his priorities.

I wish you luck and wish me the same, lol. :)

Answer 10

life isn't just concerning paying the bills.
in a way your husband is correct.
heck, you just finished apologising to your kids for that exact thing