My husband and I seem to be having problams we cant talk to each other with out him screaming at me .. he says he aint happy ive bent over backwords trying to make him happy but i feel im not good enough for him i dont think im what he wants anymore ..how do i know if its really over when he wont talk to me .. I just want him to be happy and i told him if im not making him happy he can leave our marriage i mean i am strong beleive in marriage and vows for beter for worse but that only works if we both beleive in it right? sense we cant seem to talk and he cant seem to open up to me what can i do to finally put an end to all this .. i mean i love him and want to make it work but im just not sure what he wants anymore .. he has always been the partying type and im more about family ? am i the reason he is not happy in life?
2006-07-21 17:20:35 · 25 answers · asked by tainted.luv 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry to hear that he is treating you this way. If your husband is showing you disrespect in this marriage it isn't about you, its about him. When someone respects themselves, they respect others as well. Especially their wives. If he is screaming at you and isn't happy, then its up to him to communicate things to you that would make him happy. But first and foremost, he has to be happy with himself. If he isn't, then no one or nothing will make him happy. This is not your fault, it is his responsibility to figure out how to communicate with love and respect. Another reason he may do this is because you are letting him. That is your responsibility. It is up to you to tell him that screaming at you at no time is acceptable. I would suggest you both work on your self esteem issues and communication. It will only work together if both parties work on their issues. The most important thing that you do have control over is your own self esteem.
I would suggest this website to get you started:
http://www.coping.org/growth/esteem.htm It is an excellent resource. Best of Luck!
2006-07-21 17:29:32 · answer #1 · answered by ididntdoitthedogdid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first answer. Try marriage counseling so you can be able to honestly say that you have tried everything in your power to save the marriage. If that dosent work or he just continues to keep his feelings in, then maybe a divorce would be the best decision. If he is not happy and you feel that you are failing to make him happy, then how are YOU going to be happy? So if you both end up unhappy then what is there to save? And as far as you guys' personalities go, that matters but it dosent. For example, I'm a ''family like'' girl and not so into partying and living on the wild side but I can still get along with people who are the opposite. So my point is that, you guys' differences as far as that goes probably does have alot to do with some issues that you guys face but it's probably not the main thing.
I think you should try counseling and if that fails take the next step :(
best wishes!
2006-07-21 17:27:43 · answer #2 · answered by Fearfully & wonderfully made 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a reputable marriage counselor and talk him into going. If he is unwilling to go then he must think that it's a) not a problem worth fixing b) there is no problem or c)he just doesn't care.
It sounds like you are very different. Unfortunately, these issues didn't come up in pre-marriage counseling so they could be worked out prior to your wedding.
If he's always been the partying type, then he isn't really ready for a committed relationship. Don't blame yourself. If you can't work it out, then move on with your life. There is no reason to be miserable. You didn't mention kids, so I'm hoping that a family isn't breaking up over this.
Take him out to a nice dinner someplace where you can talk calmly and explain how you feel. Be rational and let him know that you are willing to work things out, go to counseling, etc. but that he needs to meet you halfway. If he is unwilling to compromise, then you need to move out. Don't issue ultimatums, just leave.
2006-07-21 17:29:49 · answer #3 · answered by TMH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is he? Men go through mid life crisis instead of menopause. Maybe you guys could once a week have a date night. You can alternate weeks on who gets to pick. How long have you been married. You aren't the reason he's not happy, he is. You have to be happy with yourself then the rest will follow.
Do you have kids? My husband was into partying and we ended that part of our life because as a parent you need to lead by example. Have you tried maybe he has boys night out and you have girls night out, and maybe you can have a family night too. When my marriage hits rough patches, I watch a lot of CSI and Law and Order's and fantasize about his perfect murder. LOL
Good luck
2006-07-21 17:32:23 · answer #4 · answered by Diane L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It s time you both sat down for a really good talk..
I personally believe you can make any marriage work,if you still have some love for the other person...
just sit down..both of you take a paper and write down what you like and what you hate most in the other person...
what change you would want the other person to make upon themselves to be more lovable....
This may sound kiddish or stupid...
but just try this out...
this can save you from unnecessary arguments and u can understand each other better...
Good luck..
2006-07-21 17:27:54 · answer #5 · answered by fresh n honest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, stop bending over backwards. No one likes a doormat, or respects one. Let your husband know that you want this marriage to work, but, if he cant talk to you about the problems he is having in a civilized way, he may as well leave now. Opposites can work together, but only if both are equals. If your husband has lost respect for you, and you cant get it back, it is over no matter what you do. The question for you, do you really want him, or are you afraid of bieng alone?
2006-07-21 17:26:01 · answer #6 · answered by psycmikev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the best thing that you can do is. If he is not happy, then go some where and stay for awhile. Or have him go. Sometimes having time apart from each other works, and everything can be better. But you do not know until you try!
I would not keep living with someone that did not want to talk to me.
2006-07-21 17:24:59 · answer #7 · answered by freebirdat2002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make him happy. He has to do that for himself. You might need some time apart from each other. Nothing permanent. Just some space where you both can evaluate the situation. If you feel happier coming home without him there, then you've got your answer. There comes a time in life when we women need to stop trying to fix everything, and live for ourselves! Hell, be selfish for one time in your life if that is what will make you happy. Yeah, counseling might help for a while, but what about long term, honey? You gotta live life for yourself. Life is too short.
2006-07-21 17:30:03 · answer #8 · answered by danielle26 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think all marriages go through some tough spots. This could be one of yours. Sounds like you and your husband need to find a way to communicate. Could it be he is having some other issues at work or in other areas of his life. Sometimes when we are hurting we hurt the ones we love the most. Try seeking professional help. Even if you don't do it as a couple you can do it by yourself. They might be able to give you some incite on what's going on.
Good luck to you and your hubby.
2006-07-21 17:29:46 · answer #9 · answered by qti36 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In another circunstance, I would tell get a counceling, but try to investigate your husband social cycle, to me it seen that he lost interest in the relashionship and he might been interested in someone else. At this point, think about your own happyness, if he does not decide what he want it because he might want to show his or your family that everything is ending because of you and he will be the victim. Do not fall in this game, find out what is going on with him, then the decision is only your.
2006-07-21 17:32:40 · answer #10 · answered by flowermieses@verizon.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋