I am gay and I always feel guilty after I have sex...does anyone else feel this way?

Question

I have only had one partner and I slept with him twice, the second time of making love I felt guilty!

Any help would be great...

Answer 1

Oh how sad, I felt like that, but it was just in my head, I got over my phobia real quick, I know I was gay since i WAS 12YRS OLD, bust of luck friend!!!

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Hi there, Innocent! Possibly your guilt feelings emanate from one of these causes, or a combination of them:

1) If the sex was hidden or secret or somehow stolen
2) If you feel that sex by itself is sinful or "asking for trouble"
3) If you feel bad about your body or about "using" someone else

A more likely cause is that your two homosexual experiences were not the "norm" for you, and somehow you feel your world has been turned upside down. That was how I felt the first time I had sex with my first guy. I was visiting him, a close friend, for the weekend, and somehow it finally just came up (today both he and I are totally gay, even though before we had sex he he had been married--and divorced--twice and I was totally in denial about my sexuality). After two days of the big event, I had an eight-hour drive to think everything over, and while I was sitting in my familiar old car, the radio played (as usual) the same songs I had been hearing for the past who-knows-how-long while I was stuck in my denial groove. Well, the effect all of those familiar, old sensations violently collided with my new self-awareness. And because I could not bear the shock very well, I settled it in my mind (temporarily, thank Earth) that the whole experience was wrong. THEN I felt more guilty than I ever had felt before. I felt I had betrayed myself and everyone who knew me and depended on me to be who I was supposed to be. Yes, my mask slipped, and I did not know how to react creatively, so I went with something familiar and therefore comfortable (but also something completely wrong): I felt guilty. It took some time for all of that to wear off, but for the past seven years such feelings have not entered my head.

I have no idea whether what you are experiencing is anything like what I felt, so perhaps I just told you a funny little story for no purpose. But if your guilty feelings arise from having your senses AND your sense of self overwhelmed, consider that it might actually be joy in disguise. It was hard for me to recognize the joy because I believed I had done something "wrong."

Hope this answer is not too long and intense... Good luck feeling good about something that probably is good for you. Just give it some time...

Answer 4

Funny, I have had this experience myself. I am a married straight woman, but in my 20s i enjoyed experimenting. I only fooled around with a same sex partner one time and as soon as I started to orgasm I felt terribly guilty and ashamed somehow. The same thing happened to me once before that and once after that, both times with men, though.

I think that in me at least, this is a consequence of doing something I know I am not supposed to - being with a guy who I wasn't really into or being with a close friend in that way. It just wasn't right for me, and I knew it, but wanted to try anyway. Once the guilt came I knew there was no turning back (I tried, but still the same reaction).

Now for you, it could be that you are in a difficult mental situation over your sexuality (and public opinion, religion, etc.) and are conflicted now with your first lover. Many of us go through conflict over our first sexual relationship - gay or straight.

You need to take a deep breath and look at the feelings objectively. Do you feel for guilty for being with him (is he attached or a friend) or do you feel guilty for enjoying your lifestyle - or even have doubts about it. You need to be honest with yourself and hopefully you can be honest with him and let him know that you are in your own head a little bit about this new part of your life - having and being a lover.

I wish you well! Peace!

Answer 5

This happens frequently - - especially to Gays but more & more for a majority of Americans. We are in an Era that denounces sex. Every TV show hammers down the point that sex is wrong, it is evil. We live in a society where the majority of victims on an episode of CSI die due to 'sexual misadventure.' Sex drives the plot lines of every major show and always the message is the same; shame, misery, evil. You have been raised to feel guilty. To despise yourself for committing 'evil.' Either you buy into society's BS or make a concious decision that what you are doing is o-k.

Answer 6

if you have qaccepted that you are gay and love your partner, there is no reason to feel guilty. You may be thinking about what other people will think of you for having gay sex. Don't worry about it. As long as you you are together and happy did not use him just for sex, you have nothing to feel guilty about

Answer 7

I was for a while gay myself. It is a dificulty I had to face.

I also fealt guilty, and I always wondered why.

One day I realized what it was. I knew that I was simply using the other person for sex, and they were simply using me for sex when all I wanted was love from a person of the same gender. I became their object, and they mine.

I knew it was warped twisted, and wrong.

I have since then been trying hard to stop being gay... I'm doing well so far... and I know that that is what is best. I haven't had any gay sex in about 3 mnths and hope it continues forever. I will pray for you...

Don't take it too hard on yourself... but challenge yourself to find true love... and sex is not true love.

Answer 8

Don't feel guilty. Life is too short to be punishing yourself.
Maybe it would help to think of your partner. Remember when you two make love, you're making him happy. Perhaps by thinking your partners love and happiness, it will allow you to start taking pleasure in your relationship.

Answer 9

Its just a natural reaction of a gay guy. It is just frustraiotn and depression brought by being homosexual thinking about what your community and/ or religion would say about it. It also a fear that people close to you wont accept you as who you are if they know about you and your character preferences.Anyway in suceeding time you do it, it will diminish and you would feel comfortable if these things would clear out to you and the things would go favorable to you..

Answer 10

Get a new partner, I never feel guilty.

Answer 11

For some people the feeling of being ashmed after sex is internalized homophobia. We don't want to be gay, and after we've done something to prove our gayness, we're ashemd because we think we've let down people in our lives.

If this how you feel, get more comfortable with your sexuality. Don't hide and keep it hidden.