I'm married for 3 years and i feel lost help me out ?

Question

LIKE I SAID I'V BEEN MARIIED FOR 3 YEARS NOW AND I FEEL LOST. LIKE EVERY COUPLE WE FIGHT BUT LATELY WHEN WE FIGHT I FEEL LESS! OF A PERSON HE CALLS ME NAMES AS WELL AS I DO TO HIM BUT. I NOTICED THAT WE NEVR SAID SERTIAN THINGS . BUT NOW HE IS ? I HAVE A CHILD 2 YEARS OLD AND HE HAS SAID THAT HE WILL TAKE HIM FROM ME AND I GUESS IM SCARED CAUSE I DONT WORK AND DONT HAVE MONEY. HE HAS CONTROL OF THE MONEY AND ONLY GIVES ME WHAT ILL WHOULD NEED FOR THE HOUSE. HOW CAN I GET OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE ? IF THATS WHAT YOU WHOULD CALL IT.

HE PUTS ME DOWN SO MUCH BUT I DONT KNOW IF ITS BECAUSE OF ANGER . WHEN WE FIGHT. HES NOT INTO TALKING.

THSI ISNT THE LIFE I WANTED FOR ME OR MY SON I WANT THE SOME WHAT NORMAL FAMILY.

IS THERE ANY HELP I CAN GET ?
HE HAS FRIENDS IN THE GOV THAT HE SAY WILL HELP HIM WIN !!!!

Answer 1

First of all, half of the people who gave answers don't know what the heck they are talking about. The most outrageous comment was "he has the right to be angry". Don't listen to people who tell you that it's your fault. I'm sure you hear it enough from him. This is a classic case of psychological and emotional abuse. Call a domestic violence shelter and they will be able to guide you through your situation. As someone already mentioned, make sure you document everything he does to you. With that you can get a restraining order. Just because he has friends in the government, it doesn't mean they will be able to help him win this particular case. I don't see how it would help him at all. Men like this will tell you anything to keep you in fear and subordination. You are saying that you want a normal family. Well, you can have it. Just make up your mind and leave this loser. And my advise is to do it either when he is not home or with supervision from police so your separation doesn't turn ugly. And don't feel guilty for calling the cops if you have to. Remember, better safe than sorry. I hope everything turns out well for you.
Oh, and by the way, there was a comment that if you are an illigal immigrant then you just have to suck it up and suffer silently. It's not true. Talk to an immigration attorney or if you can't afford it, just go to immigration website and do some research. I don't know if it applies to you at all. It's just that comment really pissed me off.

Answer 2

Any marriage, no matter how old they are, the very first 3 years are the hardest. It is because of the differences in opinion. And learning each others faults. If a couple makes it to 5 yrs, they have more of a chance of surviving. Marriage is just like having a job. You both need to work at it. Alot of women think they can live a life like Cinderalla. It's not true. You have the right, to stay home and care for your child. But as long as he is keeping a roof over you guys head, making sure there is food, providing for the childs needs, and I mean the basic, not spending lavishly. Then he has the right to be angry. Since you are not able to help out financially. It puts a strain on a man to carry all the financial weight on his own shoulder. Try loosening up on him, show him you appreciate what he is doing, and maybe he'll be less hard on you. Is he a real man? Doing his responsiblity? Are you also doing your part as a wife and doing your responsiblity? You both have duties towards each other. Or his he a dead beat man, not providing for you and your child? Sounds like you want some extra spending money, for yourself. That usually happens when the women goes out for a part time job, which takes the burden off the husband. I think you two ought to sit down and say what you both really want from each other. You might be able to go from there.

Answer 3

Ummm... OK Wow I was just trying to read through your answers, bad idea apparently

ANYWAY. First, what's going on that you fight about? I mean does he just fly off the handle for no reason or do you both battle it out? Do you believe that he loves you and you love him still? And please remember that "LOVE" has to do with more than just a feeling, it has to do with sticking through thick and thin. There is no such thing as 50-50, some days you give 90 and some days he does.

That said I do have to agree this sounds like emotional "abuse" but is he really a bad guy or does he just not know how to express himself in a better way because of frustration or whatever? There must be some reason you married him. If you can, before you give up completely, try talking with him about why you are unhappy and how you both can make some changes to make things better. Does he have legitimate complaints? If so, then work on trying to make things better from your end. Are you both just nitpicking with each other? Just because you are unhappy doesn't mean you have to stay that way. If he is genuinely willing to work on your marriage no matter what it takes (counseling, etc.) then try to stick together.

If he's not and really doesn't care, then please don't take this browbeating for another minute. Like someone else said, usually the mom gets custody. And if you have to go it on your own, it will be hard, horrible in fact at first, but you are stronger and more capable than he has led you to believe and I know you can make it. Get some help from family, friends, counseling, clergy, support groups, whoever you can find, talk about this with someone who cares and then take care of you and take care of your beautiful child. You can do it.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

I don't believe in God any more because of a tragic motor scooter and gun accident that blew off my left foot and three fingers. I often wonder that if I saw Bozo naked would I think that chocolate milk cannot be sold in stores in a plastic container, or could it? That is a very deep and philosophical question that many great people like Coach Ditka and Jesus could not answer when they went before a grand jury for illegal dancing in Utah. Just because Van Halen does not play at your grammar school dance doesn't mean that you have missed out in life or did something wrong. You have to move past those issues and begin to address the fact that Men are from Mars and Women are from Saturn. I once fed a dead rat to a blind man in a tossed salad and he was not happy with the dressing I picked for him. Do you ever reflect on the meaning of extra large shrimp or why plumbers don't lay plumbs when bricklayers lay bricks? Dance freely and don't forget to wear sunscreen when you go to the bowling alley. The government and aliens want you to stop smoking and you are just falling into their plan and trap. Think about all the people in the phone book that cannot play the piano or shoot a cross bow. Why is that? I cannot explain this to anyone unless they open their mind to free thoughts and the acceptance that dogs can teach humans to create a clean burning combustible engine to put in our automobiles. I do generally wear only women's orange panties when I cut the lawn in the morning. I think that is the best answer that I can provide with this limited amount of time and research.

Answer 5

It is not the end of the world. If your man is not treating you as his wife and think that you are a slave, just get out before it is too late. Go to a women's shelter and analyze what best you could do and try and get some job. The key to your success is to be independent and then meet him. You can politely discuss this with him or just inform him before you leave after making all the arrangements. If he is willing to keep your son, it is fine. If you are a illegal immigrant, then only he can help you and suffer silently.

Answer 6

If you are fearing for the safety of your child and yourself, you should seek out a woman's shelter. There, they can direct you, encourage you and educate you to ways you can become self-reliant and self-efficient.

There is counsiling and even day care available for your son while you attend school or a work program. Social services will supplement your income in most state with child care expenses, food stamps and medical coverage.

First thing though, is get to safe place. Call the crisis center in your phone book or search in google for a woman's shelter in your area. Call social services and ask them for an address of one and explain your problem. Your husband is just a bully and anger is no way to control someone. It's abuse!

Answer 7

try notching down the rhetoric.

find some mediation and learn to argue fair (much more different than fighting).

Marriages can be saved if couple learn to air their differences and know how to debate issues without conflict. A good marriage counselor might help. Learn to debate fairly...that's the key.

Divorce should only be the very last resort. You have too much invested in this.

Answer 8

I really feel for you but in most states the mother gets custody of the kids.unless he can prove you an unfit mom. Contact legal aid and talk with an attorney. if he really has money , you can get a better attorney at his expense.With children you get the house. Can't pay the mortgage, guess what , that's his problem too.

Good luck

Answer 9

You'll probably need to go back home and live with mom/dad/family member to get back on your feet to show stability for your child in case he fights for rights in court. You will have to go back to work - most of us women have to do this when this happens to keep your child/children - you'll have to take him to court for child's support to help you outl. It's a tough road but you can make it happen you surely don't want this fool around. There's more to life for you down the line.

Answer 10

Just stop worrying and go and live with some of your relatives ( not his) Get a job. Stay focus.

Remember you cannot do positives things around someone who is always negative. My daughter learned that a long time ago.