I have a special "friend" that visits 3 or 4 times a week. I have no privacy because of my 6 y.o son. .

Question

I have a studio apartment. I wait until he's asleep to play but sometimes he wakes up. He has seen me messing around.
Will this mess him up when he grows up? When he's awake
he hangs around me all the time. If I go into the bathroom with my friend he bangs on the door. We even went out into the stairwell and he found me. Went down to the car in the parking garage and he found me there. My boyfriend works long hours.
I don't sleep around, I just have this one friend. My son caught me, you know, doing something,
and I didn't handle that good. I yelled at him and he ran into the bathroom. I felt really bad but what can I do? I don't want to loose this friend. I really want to keep this friend. What can I do?

Thanks for everyone trying to help but I think I didn't explain it very well. My "friend" is a girlfriend. My boyfriend doesn't know about her. My boyfriend and i snugle under the sheets and when my son is asleep then we're ok. My girlfriend is married and can't visit whenever she wants. I could get a babysitter once in awhile but not 3 or 4 times a week. Can't afford it.

Answer 1

Whoa, seriously, screw that Free-Lance answer, what a bastard! Settle down, dude.
However, it really is best if children aren't subjected to their parents' sex life. They don't want to have to know about it, it's an adult thing that they aren't equipped to handle. You do need to keep your activities private, regardless of the sex of your partner. Your libido is not nearly as important as the emotional and psychological well-being of your child; on a scale, your libidio ranks about a 2 and your child's wellbeing ranks a 10. And don't allow situations where you have to lie about why you're in the bathroom, etc; children sense deception and when they don't know the truth about something, they will make something up in their minds - and it will contain something bad about themselves, guaranteed. That's how their minds work, I'm afraid. Your child comes first, your sex partners a distant second. Remember self-sacrifice for the sake of your child? You're a parent; that's your job.

Answer 2

I don't think occasionaly seeing you making out with your boyfriend is going to mess your son up: for most of their history people lived in small one-room huts, there's no way kids could have _not_ seen their parents at it sometimes, so I don't think humans could be evolved to be that mentally fragile, I think that's a Victorian myth. I think you yelling at him might be a bit more of a problem. You need to explain to him that it's a grown-up thing, sort of like hugging, but that it's private, it's something two grown-ups do together by themselves, and you and your boyfriend need him to not watch, and not to interupt unless it's for something really important, like that he's hurt himself.

It also sounds like your son is clingy and insecure (not entirely surprising under the circumstances), you need to reassure him (that you love him, you will always love him and look after him, but sometimes you need to be by yourself for a little while), not yell at him.

I think you need to find some way to arrange that your son spends some regular times elsewhere, when you and your boyfriend can be together. Does your son have a friend whose parent's house he could visit regularly for a few hours in the evening or at the weekend? You'll need to do the same in return, probably. Or could you afford some form of paid childcare or babysitting?

Failing that, get a curtain or a large screen or something, and use it to divide the apartment so you have some privacy (unless he's asleep, some loud music or a TV turned up high on your son's side will add audio privacy). You need to make a rule that at certain times, your son doesn't get to come past the curtain for anything less than an emergency.

Answer 3

I HAVE A 4 1/2 AND A 7 YEAR OLD. THEY DO THE SAME WITH MY HUSBAND AND I. IF HE REALLY CARES HE WILL DEAL WITH IT AND NOT GIVE UP. TRY TO GET A BABYSITTER.

Answer 4

Maybe you should spring for a babysitter now and then so you can go out and have some real "alone time" with your friend.

Answer 5

YES ,and you should be and your girlfriend should ASHAMED of yourselves!!!

You and your girlfriend are committing an unspeakable abuse on your CHILD!!!

GET YOUR FREAK ON IN A HOTEL, AND STOP YOUR SUBJECTING YOUR CHILD TO YOUR SEXUALITIES!!!

YOU ARE THE TYPE OF PARENT THAT SEES THERE KID COMMIT MURDER AND SAY'S HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPEN!!!

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF and your kid removed from your custody!!!