first of all i didn't physically cheat on my wife. we haven't had sex in about 4 months so i turned to phone sex. well i've actually always had phone sex with strangers and i've never met any of them. is this cheating?
secondly, my wife is very depressed and she has this friend at work that she confides in. he got divorced about 6 months ago and they have become good friends. she has to work this weekend far from home and offered to split a hotel with him. also they went to san francisco with two of my kids to take her mind off of things. do you think they are romantically involved? she swears that he's like family, (shes only known him 6months). they are both professionals in the computer field, and work long hours together. won't two people with so much in common eventually become attracted to each other even though she says that he is interested in a different woman. i don't want a divorce, she is puching the issue though.
2006-07-21 13:03:13 · 16 answers · asked by sotomann 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Nowadays many people seem to think that " phone sex, internet sex and so forth" are acceptable but it's not. You still are cheating on your wife. It's incomprehensable how you seem to think that this behaviour is ok., that your not in any way hurting your wife. Baloney! I don't believe that and neither do you!
When you got married, you were bound together, not by law, but by love. You both openly and totally committed yourselves to each other for the rest of your lives. You honestly did this in faith, to trust each other sincerely to never hurt each other. To look to each other for fulfillment and happiness. You also promised to " let no man put asunder" what God has joined together.
So when you pick up that phone to have sex with a different partner other than your wife, what do you think you are doing? Don't get caught in a double bind.
What has happened in your marriage? When you first met your wife, you must have flooded her with attention, now you hardly notice her. You never give her the time of day, buy her flowers, take her out to dinner. It's a well known fact that a woman can take a lot from the man she loves but no woman can tolerate complete indifference.
You have to be aware of your wife every day to keep the excitement there. Try it and see how your wife responds. Make your woman happy that she chose you to love and to cherish. Also, if you don't change your ways, you may very well lose your wife. But please think of your children and try showing your wife that you do really love her and that she means everything to you.
2006-07-21 13:37:27 · answer #1 · answered by trieghtonhere 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a phonesex operator, and I deal with alot of different men, I know that some of the calls don't involve just sex. I get guys who call about alot of different things. There is nothing harmful exploring fantasies and when you can't get it, at least it is safe sex. I am a phonesex operator, a friend and a counselor when I am working phones.
There is nothing wrong with your wife confiding in the opposite sex. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a guy than a woman, men listen, women rant. But when they are going away together, thats a different story.
Maybe you should take your wife away for the weekend and hope to find each other again. If you can't, then you will know that it just isn't going to work. Most people don't want a divorce, but sometimes it just can't be helped or saved.
If she is going through a depression time is just what she may need. Trail seperation does work for the good sometimes. But right now I would take her away from the kids and have you two spend time together alone, away from all the pressures of home.
Talk if you can, give her space if you can. If she thinks you aren't really trying to keep her there, she may have different thoughts.
But no matter what happens keep it together and be strong for your children. We as adults know how to handle emotions, kids do not yet understand them, you should never talk bad about your wife in front of them, or her you. You should both respect their feelings, you are and will always be their parents no matter what goes on between you two. And divorced or not your first job is parents!
2006-07-21 13:39:21 · answer #2 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, phone sex and cyber sex, if you are married, that is cheating. Your wife might be depressed because of your phone calls. Maybe you have not had sex in 4 months because you are spent from the phone. Is it possible that you are leaving a few details out of your question? I know the internet dating and phone thing are in right now, but... I don't know anybody who met their love of their life on the internet, but I do know 2 that have been divorced becuase of it. Divorce is not always a bad thing. Things that bring people to the divorce stage goes deeper than phone sex or cyber sex. There are issues though. And if there are problems at home? yes.. they will become attracted to each other. Because they will be fulfilling something that has been missing. And if she is pushing the issue, give her what she wants. There is life after divorce. Especially when kids are involved, no need to drag things out for 5 years. Deal with it now. Kids know. Kids are no reason to stay together. They adapt to change better than adults do. Divorce is very painful. It is the hardest thing I have gone through. The most important thing is to make it easy as possible for the kids, which means less arguing. The divorce is coming, so my advise is to try to end things with as little bitterness as possible... for the kids.
2006-07-21 13:22:28 · answer #3 · answered by tootsie45414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a mess. No offense, but sounds like you got some serious sorting out to do. With the kids and all, this is going to be a rough road, but if she does want a divorce, then you can't make her stay in a shell of a marriage. It wouldn't be good for anyone, including the kids.
As far as this thing with this other guy...I won't speculate, but realize that temptation falls upon all of us at various points in our lives. If she does already have an emotional connection to this guy, then you know what is next.
It really doesn't matter about this other guy. If the marriage is already over, then the both of you need to move on. Don't let the kids grow up thinking that yours and your wife's behavior is the way two people in a loving marriage act.
Good luck!
2006-07-21 13:09:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, first stop your wild imagination, as at this point it will only drive you crazy. Not to say anything is not impossible, but dont let your mind rule you. You can try marriage counseling but if her mind is set on the divorce for whatever reason, you may not have a choice except to cut your losses and move on. The phone sex thing is of no matter right now,whether its cheating or not. If she is concrete set on divorce, make this as easy on yourself and the boys because nothing good will come out of a hostile/contested divorce besides they are expensive and you wont win in court. The biggest thing is the boys. Now unless you have documented proof (police reports, medical records, etc) of child or drug abuse on her, chances are the judge will award her custody as primary parent, along with the house unless she doesnt want it, and you as the non custodial parent. You will still have alot of sayso in things pertaining to the boys and will be awarded the standard state visitation rights, and will probably pay her child support. Your best bet is to sit down discuss and work things outwith the help of a Paralegal as this will save you time and money and the judges love it. Sorry about the divorce and this info but it is basic divorce law, and good luck. If I can be of further help email me
2006-07-21 13:19:16 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
friggin hell, what a bloody mess
Phone sex is cheating, lets get that straight, u say u have always had phone sex with strangers, no wonder your wife is depressed, hard to say about your wife? your kids must b confused though, dads always 'getting off' on the phone.
mums always depressed, and taking us 2 S.F. with this other man.
I thought i had problems. Nope i dont now
Divorce sounds like a good option
y did u bother continuing with your marriage if u were into phone sex.
Really, cant u see the problem in that?
If not there is no hope 4 u
Stay single
2006-07-21 13:42:16 · answer #6 · answered by jordancassandra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello McFLy....are you really that stupid? This woman is most likely making the beast with two backs with this guy. She meets this guy 6 months ago...stops banging you 4 months ago, splits rooms and takes the kids out on holiday together. DO you really need to go to the internet to get your answer?
Get a good lawyer and a good therapist...you're gonna need both. Get your head out of fantasy land and take action...unless you opt for ""mushroom status" (laying in the dark in a pile of schit).
Check out the following website. It can answer your questions better than I can.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good luck
By the way phone sex is cheating...if she knows about it then she has probably lost all respect for you. You need to take inventory of your life, make a plan and move on down the road...she obviously has! Sorry I'm rough, but someone has to tell the emperor he has no clothes!
2006-07-21 13:31:09 · answer #7 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as though she might be . You said she wants a divorce...Suggest a separation and see how things go for say 6 months..........What I think may have happened is this other guy is like a good thing to her as opposed to you having phone sex and she thinks that she wants a divorce but actually she doesn'..Makes no sense unless you have been their....She is seeing as everything he does as good and everything you do wrong....let her find out that he isn't all he is cracked up to be after all he got divorced so give her time
2006-07-21 13:11:14 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if she's pushing it, find out why she wants to end what you guys have(a family). Suggest sincerely trying to work thing out. Phone sex with others is cheating. I would be hurt to know that my husband is connecting with someone other then me on an intimate level. Respecting your relationship is just as important as trusting the one you are with. She needs to know that she can turn to you and not the guy at work, cause then it's like he's taking your place. Try not to worry about what the two of them may have going, and work on healing your family, healing your wife. A man should love his wife the way Christ love the church and like wise for a woman. He gave his life for us. Give your all to restore your family. Turn your heart to God and to your family.
2006-07-21 13:24:15 · answer #9 · answered by Lovely Darky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if my hubby had phone sex I would consider it cheating. If she has known for a long time it may have caused her to seek friends she could trust. I know women and men should be able to be friends, but in her state of mind she may not be able to establish that dividing line. I see lots of trouble for both of you. Those poor kids are stuck in the middle of it all. Counseling before divorce - always best idea.
2006-07-21 13:42:29 · answer #10 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋