Will you please give me something to do?

Question

Tell me the name of a song you like, a book to buy, a funny joke to make me laugh...something! I'm sooooo bored!

Answer 1

Here is some jokes for you to tell....
This girl was walking on the sidewalk, and she was homeless. This policeman comes up and asks her where she lives. She says nowhere. The policeman say " then you are coming home with me." So they go home and when they get there, the policeman say " I am going to take a shower. The girl asks if she can take a shower with him. He says no, she says plese, he says no, she says please and he finally says ok by dont look down. Well they are in the shower and she drops the soap, she goes down to get it, but looks up and asks," What is that" the policeman says, "that is my little man." The get out of the shower and he says he is going to bed. She asks him if she can come to bed with him, he says no, she says please, he says no, shes says please, and he finally says ok. Well they are in bed and she asks him if she can play with his little man. He says no, she says please, he says no, she says please, and he finally says ok. The next morning he wakes up and he is in the hospital, and the girl is there by his side. The guy asks her what happened, and she says," While I was playing with you little man, he pissed on me, so I bit him off. Now that is funny ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! or
what do you think of this joke.

A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers.

The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid.", answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

"What do I have to do?"

"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"

"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What?! There's no pool here?" Long pause.

"Uh.. is this 832-4821?"

"No this is 832-4823?"

"oooppps! Sorry I dialed the wrong number!"

That is so funny!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!

yo mama is so ugly she put the boogy man out of business. Yo mama is so ugly she makes Michael Jackson look like brad pitt. yo mama is so ugly she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure. Yo mama is so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes. yo mama is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window. Yo mama is so fat when she bends over we eneter daylight savings time. Yo mama is so fat she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck. Yo mama is so fat shes once, twice, three times the lady. Yo mama is so fat she uses a matress for a maxipad. Yo mama is so poor burgulars break into her house and leave money. Yo mama is so poor the building society repossed her cardboard box. Yo mama is so poor she watches t.v. on an Etch-A-Sketch.Yo mama is so poor she goes to KFC to lick other peoples fingers. Yo mama is so poor she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box. Yo mama has got a major weight problem, she cant wait to eat. Yo mama is a carpenters dream flat as a board and easy to nail. Yo mamas feet are so skanky that when your family wants jam pieces, she gets yo brother to run a loaf of bread between her toes. Yo mama is like a televison, even a 2 year old can turn her on. Yo mama is so clumsy she got tangled up in a moblie phone. Yo mama is so nice, she offered me the hair off her back. Yo mama is like a golf course, everyone gets a hole in one. Yo mama is so ugly, she is so good at her job, being a scarecrow. Yo mama is like a 747, 3 man **** pit. Yo mama is like a hardware store. 10 cents per screw. Yo mama is like a a shotgun, first she cocks then she blows. Yo mama is like a door knob cause everybody gets a turn. Yo mama is like a stamp, youlick her, you stick her and then you send her away. Yo mama is like McDonalds, Billions and Billions served. Yo mama is like a railroad track, she gets laidall over the country. Yo mama is like the Pillsbury Dough boy, everyone likes to poke her. Yo mama is like Peanut Butter so creamy and smooth and easy to spread. Yo mama is so smelly, when she spread her legs, I got seasick. Yo mama is so smelly that farmers use her bath water as liquid fertilizer. Yo mama is so dirty that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to make chemical weapons. Yo mama is so greasy Texaco buys oil from her. Yo mama is so greasy she uses bacon as a band aid. Yo mama is like a pirate, there she blows. Yo mama is so stupid she took aruler to bed to see how long she slept. Yo mama is so stupid, on a job appliction is said sex and she put monday, wednesday and sometimes frida. Yo mama is so old that instead of saying are we there yet from the back seat, you say is she dead yet. Yo mama is so hairy that when you were born you almost died from rugburn. Yo mama is so stupid she got locked in a bathroom and almosted peed her pants. Yo mama is so big, she trips over walmart and lands on target and every time she passes by the T.V. I miss a season of friends. Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on a airplane it became a submarine. Yo mamas teeth are so yellow that cars slow down when she smiles. Yo mama is like a fast food restaurant, Quick and easy. Yo mama is like a shot gun 5 cocks and she is loaded. Yo mama is like nascar two rubbers and she is ready to ride. Yo mama is so dumb, she brought a spoon to the super bowl. Yo mama is so bald, Mr. Clean got jealous. Yo mama is so fat the last time she saw 90210 it was on the scale. Yo mama is so fat that she shoved a battery up her *** and said, I've got the power. Yo mama is like a screen door, a couple of bangs and she loosens up. Yo mama is like a snickers bar, packed full of nuts. Yo mama is like a race car driver, she burns up a lot of rubbers. Yo mama is so fat and stupid, her waste is bigger than her IQ. Yo mama is such a *****, she interned for Clinton.

There are some jokes for you, hope you enjoy them!!! Please pick me!!!!!!

Answer 2

You may have lost something in the couch. Go try to dig it out. What else do you find? Is it edible? If it is, try to find the box that it was in originally. While you are in your pantry, check to see if you have both pasta and sauce. If you have, say, 8 bags of pasta but only one jar of sauce, you need more sauce. Go to the store. See something else that you want for dinner. Get that thing. Talk up the cashier, especially if it will freak them out. On your way home, decide to go somewhere you wondered about, such as finding out where the street ends, or how your old house is doing.

Then ask some more questions. :)

Answer 3

This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen is really good. Also, Peaches by Jodi Lynn Anderson. Download songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. They're great!

Answer 4

A book you can buy or go to the library and read is "The Da Vinci Code" or "Angels and Demons." Both of these novels are written by Dan Brown. If you want to read something funny, check out "Miss America" by Howard Stern. He is quite nasty, but funny, too. Take care.

Answer 5

You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one...


A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned on the answering machine, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.

They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long", he says as they drive away. "Stupid b*tch was hiding under the Bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat a$$ downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car...

Answer 6

If you like Historical fiction novels that are sort of romantic... Sharon Kay Penman is a fantastic Author to check out. They are quick and easy reads too... In other words, she uses more modern dialog rather than the Shakespearean or Victorian style and the quick-ness comes from how interesting the books are.

Answer 7

Got to the Mall, Watch people!

People are funny!

Answer 8

here's a joke for you...sorry if it offends you, but I think it's hilarious

Two kids are in Sunday School. A girl who keeps falling asleep sits next to a boy with his pen out.
The teacher asks, "Who created heaven and earth?" The boy pokes the girl in the side with his pen.
"God almighty!" yells the girl.
"Very good!" says the teacher. The girl starts to snooze off again.
The teacher asks, "Who died for our sins?" The boy pokes her with his pen again.
"Jesus Christ!" yelled the girl.
"Very good." The girl goes off to sleep again.
The teacher asks, "What did Eve say to Adam after having their 26th kid?" The boy pokes her with the pen again.
The girl yells, "If you put that thing into me one more time, I swear I'll break it in half!"
The teacher fainted.

Answer 9

Read about Bridge..it's a very complex card game...and then try to find people who actually play it...and finally join them. Believe me...it's gonna take a looong looong time!
Good luck!:)

Answer 10

ya
go to google click images type in the box nootles its so funny u got to see this!for more fun stuff IM me at blusandals92 or email e at skinnyshortsl2b

Answer 11

here are some books to try
Gap creek
Da vincie code
house of sand and fog
harry potter books
the stand