if someone (either family, friend, or co-worker) consistently takes criticism badly, denies responsibility, and places blame upon others, what's a reasonable way to cope without rocking the boat? or are rough waters permitted?
2006-07-21 11:54:37 · 11 answers · asked by patzky99 6 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Rough waters are permitted to an extent. You have to set your own boundaries I think. When people whine, cry, and behave badly because they feel they're victimized, I think they're being selfish. I don't mean people who will calmly state they think there is a problem and ask for help. I mean people who will just b*tch or moan or complain without staking a step to help themselves.
You can calmly go about your business after listening to them for a few minutes. When I get the clue that someone does this a lot, I typically go "dark" on them...meaning, I don't deliberately seek them out or empathize with them. I'll listen to them for a minute or so and then say something like "gotta go, running late for something..."
When people take criticism badly, you do have a responsibility I think. I think we need to rethink how we phrased the criticism (was it constructive? was it stated positively?) and what our motive was for it. And if we find we're wrong or were impolite, it's ok to talk to the other person about it and admit our responsibility. But if they're just whining because they don't want to admit their role in the matter, then I think it's fair game to drop the issue and let them stew on it a bit.
2006-07-21 12:01:48 · answer #1 · answered by keyz 4 · 3⤊ 19⤋
Build self-esteem a little at a time. Be honest with consequences. Encourage the person with positive feedback, not the gushy kind but meaningful. Tell them what they did good and point it out with a smile. Chip away at the doubt that they have of doing something by giving them choices or suggestions. Would you like to do this or that? Why do you feel that this idea could be bad? Empower them by involving them in the decision making process. Don't mother them, but give them the ability to grow to make their own decisions. I wish you the best of luck, I'm dealing with a less than humble person and I think I've got him coming around (^.~)
2006-07-21 19:10:00 · answer #2 · answered by sakura4eternity 5 · 3⤊ 17⤋
These people can be sooo annoying. You can't even politely say something to them because they can't handle criticism.
I would say the things not to do are:
try to out-do their terrible tale of woe
be blunt and say something like 'no one cares' or 'shut up'
even though it is hard...being passive aggressive isn't going to help either
I hate to advise people to ignore a problem but it is often the best thing to do with this type of person. Just don't give them a chance to talk.
Another option that you could try (I think this works better for women, I've never tried on a guy) is leaving them little inspirational quotes or e-mails that pertain to what they are doing. Leave one a week or something. Then if they say something annoying just repeat the quote to them and say something like "I thought that might help you" and leave it at that.
Good Luck...these are tough people to deal with.
2006-07-21 19:17:27 · answer #3 · answered by az 5 · 2⤊ 18⤋
Don't push him overboard, but rock the boat a little.
Use a lot of praise and point out his successes. When he does something wrong, remind him of what he does well, and how you know he could improve _____ by using the same pluck in constructing his attitude.
He needs to volunteer a little time with the underpriveledged or something to help him realize what he really has.
2006-07-21 19:05:35 · answer #4 · answered by mickjam 5 · 3⤊ 17⤋
Ok, I see that we are talking about someone who Always plays the victim. We are talking pattern after pattern of basically the same thing repeated, regurgitated. . . Take a good look at this person. It is possible that they are actually Creating problems? Oh, sure, you'll say, they do to an extent. Really think about that one. Someone who goes through life putting off enough negative energy, through focus, thought, attitude, that they actually create their own "bad luck". All of us at one time or another get "wronged, misunderstood, or even persecuted to an extent". But these victims, encounter this constantly. What must be in the maelstrom of energy that surrounds them? Bitterness, hatred, revenge, obsession, self righteousness (misplaced), self pity, the list goes on. These victims do "what" with YOUR energy? They take it, they take your energy and they add it to their rather dark aura. Gosh, what a thing to lend your energy to, to be a part of that sort of "creation".
Lets take a look at you. You go through life looking for the positive, the hidden beauty, the poet in you finds that small spark others miss. You set your sights on love and you found it. (Is it possible you created it?) Is it possible that your positive creative energy is Creating wonderful things? Compare your aura of hope, wisdom, depth, compassion, love, and faith (to name a few) to that tempist I described earlier.
You have a kind heart, I doubt you wish to give up on anyone. You have to be a steward to the gifts inside of you, you may wish to reconsider to what forces you lend your energy to.
This all may sound a bit too new age-ish, or perhaps I am not articulate enough to convey the realm I see from my heart. I believe you are open enough to consider the possiblities that perhaps there are some people one might chose to simply have nothing to do with.
2006-07-22 22:39:29 · answer #5 · answered by Yitka 2 · 1⤊ 21⤋
They want to be a victim so they can agonize and give you all the painful details and how life is so unfair.
Only one way to deal with these self absorbing morons---
Shoot them. You will feel better
and they will then become real and not imaginary victims.
Good luck.
Tell them you understand.
Then shoot them.
2006-07-21 19:02:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 18⤋
totally ignore them. the best way to deal with them is to realize that you know who they are, what they are trying to do, and what game they are playing. feeding into the game is kindling for the fire. rough waters are permitted, but you have to be smart about it. see, rocking the boat never works better than when you keep your cool while pointing out reality. sarcasm works best here.
2006-07-21 19:00:14 · answer #7 · answered by The Wunder 2 · 2⤊ 18⤋
In my experience (and I've known many people like that) rough waters are permitted simply because that is the only way to deal with them. They refuse to take responsibilty for anything and therefore just try to avoid them---none that I've known have ever changed.
2006-07-21 18:58:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 18⤋
I would limit my relationship with this person. Just a 'HI' and a 'Bye' and nothing more unless I absolutely have too, then I will do the minimum.
2006-07-21 19:25:43 · answer #9 · answered by timer 3 · 2⤊ 18⤋
I yawn, and walk.
Sometimes (rarely), an appeal to sanity, adult behavior, and acceptance of responsibility works, but not very often. "Ah, come on now, everybody's got it tough, look at what so-and-so is going through... Be glad you've still got your..."
2006-07-21 19:12:30 · answer #10 · answered by zen 7 · 1⤊ 21⤋