What Do You Think?

Question

Okay so this is the poem... Please tell me what you think...

My heartbeat on the pillow
My sorrow in my eyes
My tears in the tissues
My scars on my thighs
My life now totally wasted
My death to come tonight
I’m sorry for what I’m about to do
But living no longer feels right

Please leave comments... Criticise if you feel it is bad, but please explain why. I really want to learn how to improve my poetry... It has become truly important to me, and I would love to learn from other people...

And yea it's sad... But please don't report it as me threatening to do harm or whatever... It's just a poem that expressed my feelings at that moment in time...

Also I wasn't sure which section to put this in... So sorry if this really wasn't the right one.

I'd love to talk to other poets! As I say I really want to improve on my poetry! Only way to do that... Read other peoples poetry! Okay so not the only way, but yea... :D

Answer 1

its good but you need to continue it. it just doesnt sound complete. I know that in the poem the subject is about to take their own life, but its a poem so you can go on about what happens after that. how free they are, or how sad everyone else is as the subject watches from a higher place, or however else you would feel once your life was taken by yourself.

Answer 2

In my opinion you can only improve your poetry by what you think and not others. Poems are your thoughts and feelings nobody can tell you how to think and feel. but im a poet too. So email me and I will let you read some of my stuff.

Answer 3

This is a very good poem, Thank you for clarifying the fact you were not trying to hurt yourself, that the poem was just expressing your feelings. If you would like to talk to another great poet, I can tell you how. Just add details to you question, and I will edit.
She's my best friend who is also very good at writing poems.

OK, then click on my name and then click on my question of what do you think? or something like that, you can read the one thing I've ever written in my life that was rather poetic, then click on "Soccer Rox!", she is my best friend who is very good at writing poems, contact her.

Answer 4

The poem gets its point across, it's solemn. With experience and going through pain may bring the best out of you. As a poet, when I'm delivered through a situation, I write my best work. Keep writing.

Answer 5

Oh my you like the word My
In my eye you are compromised
Pieces and disaster
You can't make life go faster
Slow down some perceptions
Life has many misleading deceptions
Walk, run, finish with pride
Fall then crawl and never abide

Answer 6

hi. ima poet myself and this is pretty good. as to where to put that line: you could add one more line to explain the one you are trying to fit in. You also might want to make another stanza where you start "I'm sorry for what ..."; it'll make the poem "flow" better. keep up the writing...practice makes pefect!

Answer 7

It is suicidal, and that in and of its self is to be discouraged. I'm older than you. I have been through more. More wars, more street violence, more failures, more broken relationships, more everything...but guess what? Look at pictures of the Rockies. Of India. Of China. Of Vermont. Of Peru. Of Tanzania. Of beautiful men and women and children and animals and flowerrs. Look at the sky. Listen to music. Life is always to beautiful to end.

Answer 8

I like it.... It's good to let your feelings out in a poem and on paper....

Answer 9

It's really good and so sad, it makes me sad too.

Answer 10

about to commit suicide cuz you were either raped or molested as a child.