A couple of yeats ago my husband and I had some issues with money. He never wanted to have joint bank accounts, or even want me knowing anything he did with his money. It's changed a alot between us (or so I think) but I recently quit my job, and the reason I never would stop working before is because I was afraid to depend on my husband, but he encouraged me for good reasons, and now I am going back to school full time, but then he pulls this shopping card s h i t and it pissed me off. When I asked him why he said he didn't think about it and since he was putting gas in both our cars he just put all the money on a walmart gift card.
PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU WOULD HAVE REACTED AND WHAT YOU THINK
2006-07-21 10:32:22 · 22 answers · asked by Val 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It was not his idea for me to quit my job, but he supported it, and if I let him do the shopping he would only get what he wanted and would never think about the things I like
2006-07-21 10:40:48 · update #1
okay some of the responses are shocking I have to admit. Before I quit working to return to school I made more money than my husband, and always have. We don't have bad credit, or problems with spending money on things we shouldn't. We have been married 5 years next month so the reason why he is acting this way I don't know. He has always wanted money kept separately expect when I was making more and my money was ours and his was his. Once I got out of school the first time it was we, but during school he acted the same way being selfish with money. That is the root of the problem nothing more nothing less but it's been 3 years since I got my bachelor's degree
2006-07-21 18:48:50 · update #2
wow, can't believe it at all.... my wife and i are together in the same bank even she quit her job and full time college. yeah it was hard time to for me to work 2 job for 6 years and she finally got job she got her bs and ms and she now audiogist and making 60,000 a year. and guess what. i never do like your husband do.. I did support my wife why she works very hard to go to college...
here what you do and when you finished college and got the best job and making more than your husband... don't have same bank account and then give him shopping card, walmart card and things like that for long time and then he will be pissed off.. you have done what ever you want and buy what ever you want with your money that you work hard for.
My wife want keep same account becasue I support her and she said without you i won't make it this far. and I thank you for that. wow.
Your husband will get karma soon so take my word and do the same thing after you bet best job an dbest pay. then stick with that for a long long long long time.
2006-07-21 12:28:20 · answer #1 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A few years ago my husband became that way also over money. I had a job and I had to quit because I got sick.
I think it is a control issue. We struggle everyday, fight
like crazy. I think he feels it's HIS money and it makes me feel like crap. He was never like this before, it seems
like one day something changed and it has been this way ever since. It is hard to have a relationship this way and
our marriage will not last until and unless this changes. My husband don't even give me a shopping card, he just
goes with me and spends the money. I'm not going to be able to give you much advice, since my situation is much the same. But I do know how you feel and it will probably
not change until you get a job and have money of your own, but then he may expect you to pay the bills with what you make and he can keep his to himself. Marriage
should not be this way. I really wish you alot of luck !!!!
2006-07-21 10:52:21 · answer #2 · answered by frustrated 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, I'm glad my ex husband hadn't heard of that one! He would have tried it. He was also very controlling.
I would be very angry and a little embarrassed. He is completely controlling how much you spend and where you spend it. God forbid you want to go somewhere other than Wal Mart.
Unfortunately, with your not working, he is going to try to control all of the money. That's fine if you need to budget, but not, if he's just wanting to have control.
Suggest he do the shopping one week. He might change his mind after seeing how limited his choices are.
2006-07-21 10:43:29 · answer #3 · answered by long_ebony_locs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I would be real ticked off if my husband did this to me. I think it's a controlling way of treating you and shopping. As long as there is enough money on the card for all you need, it sounds OK. It would tick me off that my husband was that controlling though. OR you could tell him to do all the shopping and put the responsibility to get what is needed for your household.
2006-07-21 10:37:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if my wife had done that, I'd think she was violating our agreement on how we handle the money. We discuss the big things over a hundred or so and the rest is our personal option. The problems here aren't the money, are they? That's what you're fighting about but the REAL problems are deeper. I think you work on the real problems and the other things will settle down.
2006-07-21 10:46:56 · answer #5 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a great idea. My wife and I are beginning to use the envelope system and I think this may be something good to use. The thing is if you go into a store with either cash or in your case a shopping card with a set amount on it. You will not impulse buy. So yeah, I think he has a good idea. Run with it and use it to your advantage.
2006-07-22 02:31:23 · answer #6 · answered by waterfowlwidowmaker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First time around, I would let it slide, just tell him that it is not acceptable treatment and don't repeat it. Repeating it is saying that he wants to be able to control your spending and that you are not an equal in the marraige, and that is not a good sign from him. Trying to control your spending is a sign of him wanting domination of you, which is unhealthy in any marraige. That kind of thing can't happen again if he truely respects you.
2006-07-21 10:51:10 · answer #7 · answered by sweets 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey if he wants you to have a gift card, kick azz have it and buy what you want. whats the problem, i think he is acting like you did something.what did you do? when you have money do you spend like crazy and shop,shop shop? maybe thats the problem and he doesnt want to deal with it.maybe he cant trust you to have money because you spend it on someone else, maybe he knows you can have money because you will buy drug, you arent tell the whole story,he wont just do that to do it, there has to be a reason.i hope you deal with your problem and he continues to do it unti lyou get fixed.
2006-07-21 11:29:05 · answer #8 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been single now for 20 years...one of the reasons we got a divorce was because my husband would give me $30 to shop with to feed 5 of us! and then he had the audacity to tell me to bring the change home...when i was hurt at work, he got me to sign a paper saying i would not sue the company i worked for when it was obvious we could have owned it (when i signed it, i had just came out of surgery)...he also thought that i should put my workman's comp check into a checking account with just HIS name on it...he was so tight he squeaked when he walked...
i think that you should sit down and discuss this...i don't think that he should have full reign of all the money...i would be extremely livid...but, then again, that is me
2006-07-21 11:06:48 · answer #9 · answered by uranus2mars 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him that he's not my Daddy and if he wants to treat me like he is then he'd better not expect any wifely duties to be performed!!! That is complete BS.... give him the card back and tell HIM to do the shopping then.....
(No offence, but I wouldn't be caught dead in Wal*mart anyway...)
2006-07-21 10:39:26 · answer #10 · answered by Sharlala 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋