We have grown apart (as she says). I have chosen to dedicate my life to God and because of this my life has drastically changed for the better. My wife feels that she is not able to do this right now. She wants to spend time with her friends and waste time going to bars and drinking. She has parenting issues also, (we have a 4yr old daughter). I am not going to name everything that i have suggested for us to do in ordeer to fix our marriage. She wants to fix it on her own. I feel that the only way for us to reconcile is to put God to help us become complete people and then repair our marriage. I have every reason to divorce her, but i chose to stay to work on it and all she is concerned about is how she feels about things. A very selfish and mean spirited women. I continue to pray for her and love her unconditionally. Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry for not being original with my question.
2006-07-21 10:14:50 · 22 answers · asked by Esoteric 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i toatally agree in order for a relationship ANY relationship to work you have to put God first and i know how frustrating it is when the other person does not want to go to church like my boyfriend:( but u have a child with this woman and at some point u were crazy about her because u married her, think about that and realize that she needs you now more than ever to be by her side, even if she does not see that i think u should stay and pray for her one day she will realize what she has in you, all u can do is love her unconditionally and pray:)
2006-07-21 10:23:51 · answer #1 · answered by jm 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps you have your god and she has her own... God is not some outside entity, but resides squarely in one's mind. Everyone can chose to resolve this question for themselves - the way *she* feels is important to her, and the way *you* feel is important to you. You *feel* like there is a god... She may *feel* differently... That alone doesn't make her selfish or mean-spirited. She may still be - I don't know. If she has a drinking problem - it's serious, and you might want to assist her in getting some help. But if you're turning into a Bible thumper (forgive my terminology) while she continues to lead the life and hold the views she's accustomed to - you guys very well might not have much of a future together.
2006-07-21 17:32:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From an outsider looking in it is clear the problem you have is not just your wife’s. You are pure black and white with no room for gray's and that is not reality.
The lord can only help if both of you believe in him. So yes you can pray but you need to come to some understanding of where she is before you can say the problem only lies with her.
Regardless of what your belief is now you are still living on this earth with real humans. None of us are perfect and if you truly know the Lord you would know that very well.
What you are telling her is that you have found the only truth and that if she can't see that truth there has to be something wrong with her. You say you have suggested ways to fix your marriage but in the next sentence make it clear that coming to the lord is the only way.
In listening to you it is so clear you are male. We always believe that whatever the problem there is always a solution, black and white. I know I am the very same way. I lost my first wife because I saw the problems we had as her problems. They had to be because I was happy.
You give her no room to make you understand where she is coming from so yes you have grown apart. And unless one or both do not begin to understand each other, you will part.
You have the Lord to pray to but ask him to give you a greater understanding of what she is going through. If you only ask him to change her it will be to no avail.
When we seek the lords help he will give, not what we ask for, but what is best for us.
May the Lord be with your both.
2006-07-21 17:41:58 · answer #3 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest a legal separation, since you still love her. Find out if this is really what you want. You also have to realize that you've have made a choice to dedicate your life to God which is a wonderful thing, but you cannot shove down her throat. God will touch her as He touched you when He is ready. You can continue to be a loving husband and father and still serve God. You say that you love her unconditionally, but you are not loving her unconditionally, you want her to change her ways. WWJD?
2006-07-21 17:48:25 · answer #4 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God and religion is a good thing, but is it worth your marriage? Religion should be incorporated into your life and marriage, it shouldn't overwhelm it. It sounds like you dedicated your life to God after marriage, so you are just as much to blame for it ending as she is. Unconditional love as you call it, is not coming from what you have typed her. Do some self examination. I have no doubt your wife has issues, but it is clear that you do too.
2006-07-21 17:33:22 · answer #5 · answered by Sausage Fingers™ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remember, she is one of God's children as much as you are regardless of her own problems. Counseling is the answer, it sounds like you both don't know how to communicate with eachother. The fact you are calling her selfish and mean spirited to thousands of people on the internet (potentially), shows that you don't have much respect for her or yourself as well. You are using God almighty, to escape into a better life rather than deal with the problems you helped to cause in your marriage. Shame shame my friend. Go to her as a lamb to the lion and seek to first understand HER, then in healing will you come to understand God.
Good Luck, though luck is for the absent hearted. ;)
2006-07-21 17:37:58 · answer #6 · answered by mickeycushman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you are the one that changed for the better. So now u find urself unequally yoked with a life partner. Sounds like you can find nothing pleasant to say about her so i would try changing my thinking and think of things that are positive that she does. Like is she a good mother ? Does she take care of my needs? Is she proud of me? I would also let her see how much God has enpowered you with patience and love? Maybe then she will want the peace and love you have in your life now.
2006-07-21 17:41:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. God helps those who help themselves. Stop looking for someone or something else to magically solve your problems.
2. Just because you have suddenly become "enlightened" doesn't mean she's all wrong. If she took up needlepoint, does that mean you have to as well?
3. Isn't divorce a "no-no" according to your new view on life. Amazing how people who find religion also instantly become hypocrites.
2006-07-21 17:23:22 · answer #8 · answered by mrpeabody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its great that you are concerned, really concerned with your marriage. As long as there is love between two people, there is always hope. Continue to pray for your union (including your daughter). Continue to be kind to your wife. My mother used to say, "You can kill a person with kindness." I think its great that you have given your life to God, and I believe that your wife will soon follow, if you really want her to. Peace to you and your family.
2006-07-21 17:29:32 · answer #9 · answered by Poetess_4U 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being that you are a man of god you do know divorce isnt the way to go maybe you two can separatefor some time to see if that helps if not try a marraige counselor than if that doesnt work ask her again about going to church to get the help and is that isnt working than maybe divorce is the best thing
2006-07-21 17:28:35 · answer #10 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋