I have jealousy issues.?

Question

I have jealousy issues with my b/f. We have lived together for 2 years.

We don't socialize much with other people becuz he was in w/a bad crowd right before we met. And my friends all went off to universities where we are at a Community College.

I am a jealous g/f bcuz I have been cheated on in the past w/almost every possible scenario. My current bf has not cheated but his character is charming. When we do bump into someone he used to know he puts his 'charm' on. He acts like we did when we first met. But its not who he is at all. He no longer acts charming to me :(

He wants to socialize more but I dont becuz the ppl we always socialize with are losers pretty much. But it is really starting to bother him so we resort to hanging out with losers.(kids in their mid20s living w/parents that will amount to nothing)

Now we have started arguing over hypothetical situations and dwelling on them. He blames me for us having no friends,he wont say it but he does.

What do I do?

We can't meet that "couple"... the ones you can dothingswith.

Answer 1

Well the reason you guys have no friends probably is you...and that's just based off of what you just described. Here is the thing. I totally understand your jealousy issues because I have been there. I have had the same experiences in past relationships and I have not conquered my jealous side, but I give good advice on it.

He has not cheated on you. So you have to realize that he is not those other guys and he is with you for a reason. Also, if he wants to cheat on you, he is going to do it if he wants to and no matter how jealous you are, that is not going to stop him from doing it. If anything, you are going to end up pushing him away. Sometimes you can't control your jealous side and you might not be able to get rid of it. It's all about being insecure. But if you can't get rid of it, that doesn't mean you have to speak on it when it arises. So just keep quiet and smile and work on it yourself because only you can solve it.

Answer 2

Yeah, meeting that couple that you can do things with is tricky because it requires finding two people that you both really like to hang out with (sheesh it's hard enough to find one person that's like that). And that's going to be even trickier for you two because your still technically in the "singles" arena...I don't know why, but hanging out with couples just gets easier after you're married.

I can see why you'd be nervous since you've been cheated on in the past, but the best way for you to get your sweet revenge, is to not let that ruin a good relationship. Chances are you do a little "charmer" thing too when you meet someone new, we all do, it's totally normal. Look for it in yourself.

Maybe you two need to join a club or something - you're both in college, there's got to be something that you can both get involved in, and enjoy other peoples company.

Answer 3

You probably know what you need to do but don't want to face the prospect. I'd be willing to bet my next pile of fingernail clippings that way, deep down inside yourself there is a little girl who doesn't feel too good about herself. She may have been taught she wasn't worthwhile, wasn't a good person, wasn't pretty, wasn't valuable, always screwed up, etc. etc. etc. YOU know that you two aren't functioning as a true couple who make decisions together, enjoy the company of other people including couples, have give and take on problems that come up.
If I could talk to that little girl inside you, I'd tell her that all those things she learned are baloney, that she was a pretty girl who was smart, and tried to be good, that she IS worthwhile and valuable and she can feel good about the woman she has become. Does that make sense?

Answer 4

mmm...it seems to me like you have moved on in your life and to other situations and left your b/f behind. i know about jelousy i find it more of an illness than a feeling. and the reason why you feel jelouse is not because of the way he acts in general with other people but because he is not moving as fast as you would like him to. up to your standards. maybe you want him to be something he is not. maybe you are trying to rule the roost. to change him. (big mistake). it wont work. it never does. he has the right to be nice to other people hed be ignorant if he wasnt nice. and for his friends being no good and still living with parents so you think they wont get any where in life..they are only 20 for god sake..and living at home they aint got no responsibilities. sure every one lives at home. i mean you did once.didnt you? aint that how every one starts out. you have to comprimise to save this relation. let him have friends and go out even for 1 day in the week. then socialise with your own friends to. but dont push him or try to change him cause youll lose him.

Answer 5

Stop being so uptight. Who cares if these people will never amount to anything??? You will, right??? You're never gonna have a good relationship if you are expecting to be cheated on. You need to stay positive and focus on what's good with your boyfriend. Stop dwelling on things that don't matter. As long as the two of you are doing what you should do, you don't need to worry about everyone else's issues.

Answer 6

You have to choose men who make you feel more secure. He was "charming" when you first met him, but it is an act, and a put on, yet you fall for it, you want that kind of man, but then when he is yours, you are surprised that he puts on the act for others. Time to look in the mirror.

You have to make your own friends that are not losers and hang out with them.

Answer 7

Well you admit you have jealousy problems...but then you go right into him, and blame him and these friends...and you assume to know what he's thinking.

Classic jealous person. It is NOT healthy to be so possessive, and limit his behavior. It's not his problem what happened to you and your exes

Go to a therapist who can help you, because I doubt you have the power to help yourself. Research jealousy on the net, and read about it...there are a lot of good articles out there, but you have to want to learn and change.

It's going to take work, so don't expect to fix your problem overnight...

Answer 8

Men do not feel committed as they would if he had that ring on his finger. Women that feel just to have the man to live with him shows no self respect which leads to jealousy because you don't trust him enough to say marry me or move along, it's been 2 years, but it's your life.

Answer 9

Hey your name say's it all