i still love my x but new one is so different just a little rough on the edges im 45 yrs old and really mixed up and how did i get so tangled up in this life . I dont think i will take the x back but i really care for him still, new bf is not quite as romantic or outgoing and now im getting email from guys i havent seen in 20 yrs wanted to get together ive got young guys wanting me what decision will i make to screw up my life this time
2006-07-21 08:35:39 · 18 answers · asked by bakergirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well lets see here, you were with someone for maybe a good 1/3 of your life as you see it, no matter who your with now thats never going to change. Certain Idiosyncrasies that your old partner had grew on you and thats what you were used to and comfortable with. Now that your out again of course its goin to be a little weird; just keep in mind what you want out of life and your ideal partner should be to you. Good luck
2006-07-21 08:43:23 · answer #1 · answered by "the Otter" 4 · 6⤊ 3⤋
Wow! You have a lot going on, don't you? I think maybe your best bet is to take it VERY slow for a little while. Go out for a drink, or a movie, hang out with your friends, and take some time to decide who you are and who you enjoy being with. I assume your ex asked for the separation, based on your comments.
Email your old friends, maybe go out dancing with the younger guys. Just don't jump into a close relationship yet. You haven't been dating in 29 years, so you need to work on your dating skills, and what you need from a mate. There's always the danger that men will ask you out right after a breakup cos they think you will be needy and want reassurance that you are still attractive. They think you'll be easy. That's why I suggest you take it slow. That way, the worst thing you will have done is eat dinner with a jerk. Not a big deal at all. Good luck! I hope it continues to rain men for you.
2006-07-21 08:46:47 · answer #2 · answered by homebuyer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea what they said- don't rush into a new relationship you just got out of a very long death march. Just take time for you! Learn who you are first. You will get lonely sometimes and it is gonna suck but in the end you will be your own woman, you tcb and don't depend on others and when you learn who you are before you get into another relationship you learned from your mistakes and what you can do to make a new relationship 10xs better than the last. I made the mistake of rushing into a relationship right after i got divorced. Man- that was a screwed up situation. But- got out of it learned about me. that is all you can do. 29 years sister you will always have feelings there. You basically grew up together and then grew apart. Learn about you- and get a life with friends n things- I don't suggest a fwb that will blow up in your face real quick.
2006-07-21 08:45:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were with your husband for 29 years, I'd consider this new relationship the "rebound guy".
You've just got too many emotions still attached to the old relationship... how could you not after 29 years with him? It'll take more than a month to detach yourself enough where you can give "all" to a new relationship.
After 29 years with your ex, would counselling help to sort through the situation to see if it's possible to reconcile? After that long with someone, you'd think that you'd exhaust all avenues before moving forward with someone new. Especially if you still really care for him. Why are you rushing into a new relationship so quickly? I don't think that's fair to YOU or to the new guy. And it only clouds the picture when you still aren't sure about whether you're really through with the ex.
2006-07-21 08:41:31 · answer #4 · answered by lily 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a long time to be married and give it all up. I do not know what the situation was between your ex and yourself, but the grass is not always greener on the other side, as my ex found out. I had been married for twenty years and my ex wanted a relationship with her boss. She got what she wanted. I found it difficult to want to get involved with someone else for fear in getting hurt again. Now, I am remarried to a wonderful woman from eHarmony. Do not rush into things. If things are a little rough now, what will it be like down the road. Will you be able to fix the road or will things fix itself? I know it is lonely with someone special in your life, but take your time and choose wisely. Good Luck!
2006-07-21 08:55:21 · answer #5 · answered by icemountian8 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say chill until the divorce is final. Or is this a separation so you and he can sow all the wild oats you didn't get to do when you were younger and you both think you're missing something?
You're 45 - are you going to piss away your retirement money in a long legal battle? Is it that you don't want to spend your "golden years" with your husband?
It doesn't sound like you have young kids hanging around you. That makes you attractive to a lot of men who don't want to be dealing with 'single moms' (BTDT in my 30's. Boy was my dance card full!). Be aware most of them are just looking to get laid and not much more - unless it's to borrow money from you!
I'd say this - you and your x both go and have your fun and your mid-life crisis, and then get back together in a year.
2006-07-21 09:03:29 · answer #6 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well my friend welcome to true life.....we often see the grass as greener on the other side but it really isnt. Sometimes the best things in your life are t hose that you let go of . Trust me 34 years ago I flew to the Caribbean and left the woman of my dreams in California. I have regretted that moment all of my adult life.
There is not a day goes by that I dont wonder were she is or how she is doing. No you left your true Love and you will never stop loving him. You will regret it for life !! Life is too short do not waste it
2006-07-21 08:49:49 · answer #7 · answered by Tuto@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer to this question. I found when I went through my divorce that it really helped me to take some time by myself to figure out who I was and what I wanted in the next relationship before I started dating anyone. I had to get my head screwed on straight before I could be with anyone else. If you feel like you are screwing up your life take the time to figure out why and how to prevent yourself from doing it again.
2006-07-21 08:40:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your key point here is that you still love your ex. If you are looking for someone just like him, you won't find him. Apparently this person you are with is just not what you hoped it would be. You reiterated your ex which gives me cause to believe you will not be happy with anyone else unless they measure up. Either return to your ex or put down your yardstick. You may also feel cheated out of your teen years. You can't get them back they are gone.
2006-07-21 08:53:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about finding a boyfriend, find yourself first. For 29 years your life has been defined by being married, probably at a very young age. You need to get to know yourself, who are you, what do you want from life, besides a man? You might find it very liberating. Don't let your life be defined by who your man is, but who you are.
2006-07-21 08:43:46 · answer #10 · answered by smartypants909 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can find better than both of them there is a guy out there looking what you looing for. and I think you should see that and you don't have to stay with boyfriend because you not married to him and find someone else and keep on dating and it will help you grow and knowing what is like being in love again, sex, trust, honest, etc. and that what you are need to do to learn that and go out and date don't make a serious relastionship with them. smiling.
2006-07-21 09:09:36 · answer #11 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋