You better not
Blow out my flame
Mines and Yours
Are almost the same
Thankgod this is not
A serious game
If it was
We should be ashame
The girl dancing
On the candle wick
Moves slowly to the wind
As she shines bright
In the night
I thought to myself
What a lovely sight
Over the mountain
I have been
Drinking the fountain
I drink it twice
It seems so nice
2006-07-21 07:51:07 · 5 answers · asked by Chris3zs 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
dont worry, i wont steal THAT garbage.....
2006-07-22 05:12:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A bit sing-songy when it comes to the rhymes. I think the imagery of the girl dancing on the candlewick is the strongest part. Would he like to take that stanza or poem and re-work it? Just leave out "I thought to myself what a lovely sight" - that is just a judgment phrase and doesn't really use any sensory images. The poet should be creating the idea of a "lovely" sight with his words and not by stating it. I think that idea could be developed into a poem of at least 20 lines if he wanted to develop it further.
2006-07-21 08:26:30 · answer #2 · answered by Cookie777 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They're ok. Very spiritual I may add. I definitely wont steal them that would be against the law.
2006-07-21 07:55:00 · answer #3 · answered by supercoolgirlholly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty good. I would change a few of the words, for example, "mines" should just be "mine". But it is still good.
2006-07-21 10:29:54 · answer #4 · answered by startwinkle05 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I must admit I don't know much about poetry but I think these are very nice. I definitely won't steal them. Thanks for sharing them.
2006-07-22 02:34:44 · answer #5 · answered by paulinew 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋