I've lived with my boyfriend for two years now and for whatever reason things are changing. We most likely will get engaged next year and married the year after. It's about that time.
Heres the thing(s)... most relationships go from dating to marriage to kids.. and have a timeline. Sense we are living together we don't really know what to do with ourselves for the next 4 years. We are a unsocial couple.
My boyfriend all of a sudden wants friends and what feels to me like a looser leash. Not to go out alone, but just to socialize more. I dont' agree because we dont have that much time we are so busy, and I enjoy spending our time together.
Then we started fighting over hypothetical situations and it turned into a big mess. I think he resents me, but to me it feels like he wants bachelorhood again but it's not that case. It's confusing... and we don't have money to socialize.
Im not sure... did your relationship go through this kind of period?
2006-07-21 07:50:26 · 11 answers · asked by Poestalker 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All men want to feel like they have freedom even if it is jsut pretend freedom. Let him go off and do his own thing. And spend time doing stuff that you like that he doesn't. He needs to sociallize with ihs friends, and so do you. A helathy relationship is about trusting the other person, and allowing them some sapce to do stuff for themselves. Besdies if he has some away and doesn't feel like you are forcing him to spend time with you it is likely that he will want to start spending more time together. Whenever I let my husband go otu with his friends he calls constantly to check in and always comes home before his friend's go hoome. Just give him some space so that he doesn't feel suffocated.
2006-07-21 07:54:52 · answer #1 · answered by heatherdrake2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's bored, and you're a little clingy with him. You both need to become more social and active together outside the home. There are things you can do that don't require money, or very little money. Picinic in the park, check out what's going on in the city, have friends over for dinner and everyone brings a dish, etc. Do you want this relationship to work? Then do what is needed for its survival. He is basically telling you what he needs, so listen and do.
2006-07-21 08:21:15 · answer #2 · answered by julesl68 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
*and what feels to me like a looser leash*
Now, I find that an interesting comment. Um, that could be why he wants friends and to socialise now, because he feels like you have him on a leash. Why do you have a problem with him wanting to spend time on his own thing? A healthy relationship calls for the people in it to have their own interests and social life. If it doesn't, one person will start to resent the other because they will feel that they are no longer their own person. And hypothetical situations are always calling for trouble. What are you afraid of if he does go out and socialise?
2006-07-21 08:02:48 · answer #3 · answered by littlevivi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with being an "unsocial" couple... But sometimes even unsocial people have the urge to expand their horizons and to try something new. There should be room in a healthy relationship for time together alone, time together with friends, and even time apart with friends. It would probably be beneficial for you, yourself, to develop some independent friendships, as well as to try getting to know your b/f's friends better. Who knows, you might actually like them. Also, it may help to get involved in something together - some activity where you might meet people; this way you can develop common friendships, instead of you feeling "left out" when he goes out and socializes with people you might not necessarily like.
2006-07-21 08:31:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what happens when you shack up before marraige.
You live the routine life like a married couple without really being married. He is tired of that, and wants some freedom - who can blame him?
You "say" you're getting married, but you honestly don't know that. You're not even engaged, and he's not even really happy...so to just assume you're going to be his wife is absurd.
If you want to make this work, you need to be flexible, and stop consuming all his free time. It is HEALTHY to have some alone time and time with friends.
Sounds to me like you need your own friends and alone time....only you are so dependent on him you can't cope with that.
Learn to cope or lose him.
2006-07-21 07:58:55 · answer #5 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, i think all people men and women who are in relationships adventually want "me time" or time to get out and mingle. It doesnt mean they don't want to spend time with you it just means that everyone no matter who it is needs someone out side of their respective mates to talk to and hang out with. But when doing so they need to be very respectful of their mates in the process. Perhaps your boyfriend is getting tired of being anti social or perhaps he is getting tired of the relationship all to gether and wants a break. The best thing to do is to confront him about it and see where he stands now opposed to then. If it isnt what you two intitally agreed upon and now his wants and needs have changed. You may need to look into ending the relationship altogether before you two commit to marriage now, only to hurt each other later.
2006-07-21 08:02:50 · answer #6 · answered by Sxyblkdiva 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants to simply expand your current relationship! Great idea too. I would imagine he would like to get out of the house before he goes insane and have fun with life.
My first live in girlfriend was the same way. She never wanted to go anywhere or do anything after we moved in together. I wanted to host dinner parties, go bowling or anything, just so long as I didn't have to sit in that GD apartment another boring night!
If you don't start finding friends with common ideas or desires so you two can go out and enjoy yourselves together, plan on him leaving you someday out of nothing more that sheer boredom.
You will still have your private time together, but he needs to get out and be sociable.
2006-07-21 07:59:32 · answer #7 · answered by BlueFire 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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Hello,
I understand all you are saying, and that is very typical of how females feel.
But men are different creatures "from Mars".
It is your responsibility in this relationship to NOT smother the love he has for you.
He's with you, things are good, and you two are looking forward to a future together.
But it is totally WRONG to NOT have friends too.
Men need this very much.
Women need their gal-friends very much too, but when they get very busy, which you seem to be, they get out of the habit of going out with gal-friends for a girls-day-out. To NOT have your time with gal-friends is not healthy for you, and may make you too focused on your man.
It is reasonable for men want a boys-day-out...and it is needed, for them to feel their life is well rounded.
It really is much more healthy for your relationship, for him to have some outside time with male friends, where he can be a "total-guy" with the guys, with some beer, and free-farts, and baw-haw laughter, like guys do when chicks aren't around. Give him this, and he'll be a happy man.
He wants to be with you mostly, yes, but he still wants to be part of the guy world too...and that is fair, as long as you don't get totally neglected in the process.
So you two need to arrange "quality" time (as a date once a week), and then allow him his time for his hobby time, computer time, guy-time.
Anyone that goes into a relationship to POSSESS another person, will drive that other person away eventually.
As you describe is what is starting to happen.
Losen your leash girl...
if you want to keep him, let him go a little.
He doesn't need to be out on date-night, or late night...just he does need time on Saturday or Sunday, or bowling night with his guy-friends to let off steam.
...and find something to keep you busy while he's with the guys for a "reasonable" amount of time.
Make your time with him QUALITY time, and make sure you flirt with him, and not allow yourself to get boring for him.
It doesn not take money to go over to another guys house to watch a ball game with them, or have them to your house byob.
With other couples, Play card games or board games.
I love Sequence, and Tile Rummy games...
Invite the wives over to your house on the same night, the the guys are over another house.
Lighten up and let him have some fun...
YOU are not his total world, nor should you try to be !!!...
"top of his list" absolutely
but his list should have much more for him to be a whole person.
Point to consider: Men who don't have friends are usually very scary !!! I promise you, that you DO NOT want one of those kind of men.
Handle this wisely, and it will make your life together all the better. Let him win this one, and compliment him on his wisdom. Get rid of (the demon) Pride in the relationship, and find compromises that you both will love...then you both will love each other even more.
stw
:)
2006-07-21 08:15:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk it out before getting engaged or married. Study the Bible and do what Jesus would do.The Bible is God's life manual for us. His plan for us is much better than our plan for us. Talk to your boyfriend, and pray for the wisdom from the Lord. He will answer.
2006-07-21 07:56:29 · answer #9 · answered by SeeTheLight 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read this just the other day, I think it really might help you out. :) I actually asked a question earlier today from this same blog. http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-F8E7diQ1dL_0ein0Xn3V23k-?cq=1&p=19
2006-07-21 08:47:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋