How do i make him stop this behavior?

Question

My husband spends more than what he makes. He spens his money in gadgets and thing that we can live without. Im a stay home mom. I have worked in the past and during those times it has been worst because the more money we get the more he spent. Every time i talk to him about it he just keeps quiet. He hides the credit card bills and whatever he orderswhen it comes in the mail.I have told him several times that he needs to stop but he still does it.I have transfer some of his balances from his credit cards to mine since mine have a lower interes rate. This is really creating a gap between us. I want to go back to school but i cant because of this situation. What do i do?

He wont give up control of the finances. He makes a budget but wont stick to it. He does have a retirement account and an IRA. As far as college money for the kids he says he doesnt owe them that. He put himself trough college(loans that we still paying) and he think my kids can do it as well.

Answer 1

You are living with an emotionally abusive man, and you cannot control anybody but yourself. If you want help, seek counseling for you as a couple; if he won't go, you must go and find out why you allow yourself to be controlled and abused. I would say it won't be long till his problems cause you physical health problems if it hasn't already. Your husband is not a positive role model for you children; it's possible they have already contracted some of his habits. Our children learn from both of us whether it's good or bad. You could go back to school if you really want to. The Stafford Loan would enable you to go back to college and you would then be financially independent of him. There's bound to be other fallout as a result of his irresponsibility.

Answer 2

I know he is your husband and the father of your children, but enough is enough. Now, you have tried talking to him and that has no effect, it time to show him. Start by transferring back any out standing balance of his that you have on your credit cards.(The way things sound your going to need that credit to take care of you and the kids). Make sure that you and the kids needs are met before his gadgets. Explain to him that married you and not those gadgets, but if he doesn't straighten his act up. He will be alone with his gadgets. As for going back to school, don't hinder your higher learning and the chance to better your self because of his dumb acts. Show him how to use your money for the good. Maybe,if you go back to school and he is left at home with the kids, he won't have time to order all of this crap!!!

Answer 3

I'm sure he validates this one pleasure because he is the "working" spouse. You are enabling him by transferring balances, etc. Do these gadgets come in the mail? RETURN TO SENDER. Does he bring them home from the store? Save the boxes, and when you come across the receipts, take the stuff back when he goes to work. Put together a budget that allows him a $$ amount each month to go towards gadgets, plus includes a budge for you to go back to school. Good luck.

Answer 4

You need to sit down with him and the list of credit bill, monthly expenses, etc. Tell him he has to look at this or face the financial ruin of his family.

It may take him actually seeing the numbers and acknowledgeing the situation. My husband doesn't do that but he also doesn't want to hear about money and bills but I do occasionally make him hear because I don't believe in being in the dark about finances.

We have a system any purchase over $50 we discuss it first. I hold the checkbook so any debit receipts he has he gives to me. I tell him about what to deposit in the account to cover our bills and then tell him whats left. I even tell the current balance if it's low so neither one of us goes and spends it.

Also if you can get him to realize the problem seek out a nonprofit credit counseling agency that can help conslidate your payments to something you can afford.

Good luck

Answer 5

At your time in life - you should've all ready had the schooling you need prior to being married and having children. Today it takes two - husband and wife to have jobs to financially survive in this world, it's beyond me that you can be a stay home mom and think financially it's going to work. I suggest you put those children in some day care and get a job to help support your family. Don't let you husband do it alone. You just have to wake up from the dream of being a stay home mom to make it.

Answer 6

Go to counseling...sounds like he has an obsession to me. I saw something like that on Dr. Phil where people have an addiction to shopping because it gives them a "high." Dr. Phil said to make the person without the addiction do all the shopping. Take the money, checks, credit cards, and everything else away from him. It will break his addiction. If not, he may need psychiatric help.

Just some things to think about.

Answer 7

Boy, your question really caught my eye. You cannot make anyone stop anything. He needs to want to stop. You need financial and marriage counseling before this does destroy your family. He has shown that whatever ways you try to help the family (ie. transferring the balances to your accounts), he just finds more devious ways to undermine you (ie. hiding the credit card bills and merchandise). He has a problem. He may also need additional counseling for compulsive behavior. Best wishes for a good outcome.

Answer 8

Well it sounds like your hubby needs to learn how to live with in his means. Cut up the credit cards!! and put the money you don't use to pay bills aside to save up. As far as school goes have you looked into finical aid and scholorships?
You really should sit down and explain to your husband how you feel as well.

Answer 9

I would get a secret account started and save that way. Try to get your hands on his cards and destroy them or act like someone broke in and stole them. Just talking to him is'nt going to work because it's an addiction so rather find him some help or get rid of the burdens.

Answer 10

I would tell him that if he didnt get his act together I would leave him. He is going to put you guys in financial ruin. Will there be funds for your kids to go to college? What about retirement? This is a big problem that needs addressing and action.