I've had a wonderful friendship with a straight guy for 10 years. He's my best friend, but in fact, I fell in love with him a few times in the past, and I've always felt some attraction towards him. He didn't know I was gay until I told him recently. We're very close emotionally and I feel how much he likes me as a friend, the way he looks and smiles at me, talks to me, hugs me etc. For me it's OK if it stays like this between us, as I wouldn't like to have sex with him (even though I have sexual phantasies about him) and I'm not bothered at all by his girlfriends: I feel in a purely Platonic way about him. He's the only one I've told that I'm gay, not because I hoped he was as well but just to be sincere with him, and he was very positive about it and said it didn't change anything between us, which made me feel happy. I haven't had a gay relationship yet, and I'm afraid that I might like him less if I have a lover, and that would hurt him deeply.Do you think this friendship can work?
2006-07-21 07:27:05 · 10 answers · asked by ted 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You have a best friend that has accepted you because you are gay...why woul;d you let a jilted lover get in the way of that...he accepted you the way you are and now accept him the way he is, and don't let anyone get in the way of your friendship...he cared enough to stay with you, NOW care enough to stay with him!!!
2006-07-21 07:33:09 · answer #1 · answered by joy ride 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your words:
"For me it's OK if it stays like this between us"
Then so it should but
"I'm afraid that I might like him less if I have a lover"
For all tht we say, how much do you love me, there is no upper limit to the amount of love we can distribute to our family, our friends and, of course, our lovers.
When you take a lover you might have less time to spend with your best friend - but there should be no reason why the two of you can't share that same bond you've always had when you do meet up.
All I'm trying to say is don't be celibate, just to ensure the celebration of a platonic love, only be celibate if that is what you want for your life.
2006-07-21 07:40:57 · answer #2 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it can work! You are very lucky to have such a wonderful friendship, and in my opinion, it is not the kind that will die just because you want to have an intimate relationship with someone else.
People often say that their best friend is their spouse or significant other, but I know people who in fact have close friendships with other people.
Don't be afraid for your friend, I am sure he would support you and your boyfriend. (And I don't think you will like him less either.)
2006-07-21 07:39:11 · answer #3 · answered by Red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know the correct therapeutic approach would be to spend 20 years beating around the bush with you about this for $120 an hour, but who has the time.
Since you are not actively expressing your sexual/romantic identity, you are projecting your needs for male intimacy onto your friend. He is a surrogate for the boyfriend you desire but don't have. Go out there, start living your life fully as a romantic and sexual being. Once this happens, your relationship with your friend will change. Hopefully it will become more mature, balanced, and healthy, and less co-dependent. There. Once you come to terms with this you will realize I saved you about $48,000 in therapy bills.
2006-07-21 07:38:47 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think you're very fortunate to have such a friend. I don't think you'll like him less if you're in a gay relationship...you've already said that you're not bothered by his girlfriends..I think the reverse will hold( he won't be bothered by your boyfriends). In our lives we constantly have different relationships with different people at different levels, all happening at the same time.
2006-07-21 07:37:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's your friend. have your lovers and keep him as a friend. why spoil it? my best friend is gay too. she was afraid to tell me but i knew. i'm straight and we're still best friends, infact i'll be her maid of honor next year. just think of it as if you were straight, and he was a girl. you would still have girlfriends and still want her to be your friend, right? so what makes this any different? if he's your friend he will always be your friend, no matter if you're dating someone or not.
2006-07-21 08:47:55 · answer #6 · answered by mickey g 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he's being a true friend to you. Now, you need to keep that friendship healthy and ongoing. You are fortunate.
2006-07-25 04:02:08 · answer #7 · answered by E Y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to 'Scott' and get out there! Your friend will be fine and so should you! You'll kick yourself when you realize what you've been missing.
2006-07-21 08:03:01 · answer #8 · answered by twisted_goddess_x 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i envy you for having such a close friendship. i did, but unfortunately i lost it...
2006-07-22 00:59:03 · answer #9 · answered by i_am_nathan_2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK! I can accept your orientation! Sorry!
2006-07-21 07:40:42 · answer #10 · answered by Arh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋