How do you deal with separation?

Question

My husband and I live together but we're separated. We don't speak to each other unless its regarding our son. I miss him and the things we do on the regular basis. I don't want to give in because I have done anything wrong. He accuse me of cheating on him because my stupid ex from many years ago called out now where. He refuses to hear or talk about it. What I do? It tearing me apart.

Yes, I answered the call in front of him and told not to ever again, that wansn't okay because I was married with a child.
Also my husband has cheated on me before, when we were dating and yes his ex-girlfriend has called him before as well. He's mad because I hang up the phone before he took from me. He wanted to talk to him but I didn't think I needed to do all that. Me talking to him and in front of him should have been enough. Yet, when his ex-girlfriend use to call him of course I didn't like it but didn't separate from him.

Answer 1

Well someone has got to give and if you really want him back, you are going to have to be the person who gives in......maybe you didn't do anything, but for some reason he thinks you did. Write him a letter and tell him how much you love him and miss him and reassure him that nothing ever happened and that it hurts you that he has that much mistrust in you. You might also want to consider that there could be other reasons why he jumped so soon to leave......he could have possibly done something himself and felt like this was a good opportunity to make you look guilty instead of himself. Don't be naive.......but do try and talk to him....you could get more answers that way.

Answer 2

It looks like this is a pretty serious situation. You dont sound like you want to give up on your marriage, and he probably doesnt either. Being separated but still living together, is a clear sign that you two cannot hash things out on your own. I would approach him with a letter, asking him to see a marriage couselor of some sort. Sometimes in a situation such as yours, a third party could be helpful, and there are a lot of great counselors out there that have handled this case before, successfully. Since you two are still living together, perhaps he does not want it to end, but just doesnt know how to go about trying to fix this. If he see's you making the effort for a marriage counselor, he might be more accepting of the situation as a whole, and go for it. Good Luck!

Answer 3

From one Irene to another, if you honeslty want the marriage to last, go see a therapist. also if the ex is still around, have them confornt each other. like you says, if you have not done anything wrong, then maybe your husband seeing him eye to eye, maybe then he will believe you. if not, there might be more into him not talking to u than you thinking is your fault.
also little by little ask him if he would like to do things with you. get someone to babysit and tell him, that some friend call make up a name and said for him to make the friend for lunch or dinner somewhere. sit at the restaurant far from the door, so he wont see you right away and as soon as u see him walk in, go up to him and say , are u here waiting for so and so. well i am so and so and i want to have a dinner/lunch date with you. it might work, just little baby steps help more than giant ones.
good luck

Answer 4

I don't know how you deal with separation but still in the same house together. That has to be tuff. Do you still love your husband? Who's idea was it to separate? Surely he's not wanting to throw in the towel just because your ex called. Well, did you talk to your ex or did you tell him to bug off. Maybe your husband didn't like the way you were talking back to your ex. Maybe he feels threatened because of the way you acted over the call. I don't know. All I know is, if you love him, you better fight to keep him. Do whatever you have to to get him to believe that it was not your fault that your ex called. Hopefully, it wasn't your fault. Don't just sit there and let him get out of your grasp. If he don't feel loved by you, he will feel loved by someone else. That's the way men are. I'd talk his ears off and I wouldn't care if he liked it or not. I'd do it anyway. Good luck to you

Answer 5

I am sorry to tell you this but the law says you are NOT seperated as long as you are living TOGETHER you are not seperated. To be seperated you must live apart in different homes.
Communication is so important it helps to fix problems that come up in a marriage, if he does not want to talk then there is nothing you can do.

Give him time. Maybe when he is ready to talk you can explain. Does his ex call the home. If so, show him how you do not suspect him cheating because she called.

Answer 6

nothing you can do there imo. maybe he is also looking for an excuse to leave. Guys (including me) sometimes are like that... we cheated and accused the other cheated... so that we don't feel as guilty.....i will suggest a "talk" between you guys. tell him how you feel and see if he even cares.. if he doesn't care about anything you say, then maybe it's time to think of a real seperation. How's your EX? Is he better?

Answer 7

It sounds like your ex does not trust you. Without trust in a relationship, what do you have? He needs to respect you enough to know that you are being honest with him when you say that nothing is going on with your other ex. Maybe you can try writing him a letter and suggest going to marriage counseling together and giving it one more try. If he can't do it for you or for your relationship, hopefully he will at least be unselfish enough to give it another try for his son.

Answer 8

I know that it might be hurting you know but in time you will heal, even if it's not right away. As long as you know that you did nothing wrong than he will one day realize that he has made a big and it will be his lost. As for your son it must be effecting him a lot to see you guys separated so try to make the best of this situation and never let him forget that you love him

Answer 9

"I don't want to give in because I have done anything wrong."

sounds like a freudian slip to me.

there is no where near enough information for anyone here to legitimately help you. you've left out numerous details (im sure in the intrests of brevity), but surely, this is a very one sided story.

if i had reason to belive my wife was unfaithful, i would probably treat you the same way. however, i dont know you or your husband, so i wont choose a side.

if you want this to end, you must gain his trust back in some way. you may even have to swallow some pride. yours is a delicate situation!

Answer 10

Your hubby needs to grow up and stop acting childish. Someone called you and right away he accuses you of sleeping with the dude. At that rate, you have 2 children on your hands and your oldest one...him...is giving you the most problems. If he can't handle a phone call I'd be questioning if he's the right one for me afterall.