Married for 34 years and there has been violence. There had been none for several years and 4 weeks ago he threw stuff at me and ever since have had flashbacks on things in past and all I want is to leave but would that be wrong after all these years together. Should I be more forgiving? He says will never happen again but I can't bring myself to belief him. HELP
2006-07-21 07:07:19 · 18 answers · asked by nmheart 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to leave, then if after you've been gone for a little bit he's willing to go to counseling to make your marriage and his problem better then you could probably work with him since the feelings that you have for him after 34 years of marriage aren't going to just go away.
2006-07-21 07:11:38 · answer #1 · answered by jessicamarie0572 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it has happened before and now it is happening again, I would say that yet again it will continue to happen. Abuse is not something I would put up with, and I do not think that you should either, but only you can really decide what to do after 34 years of marriage. What about counseling or anger management? He should not be throwing stuff at you, be it things around the house or his fists...Either was violence is a form of abuse that can lead to worse things, so if you are scared, now would be the time to get out of it, if you can...or get some outside help.
2006-07-21 14:12:30 · answer #2 · answered by manderin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck no you should leave. I don't know if you just call violence throwing things or hitting but don't forget there is also emotional and mental abuse as well so if he has been doing this without hitting or throwing things during the years that you say there has been no violence then honey you need to leave 34 yrs of putting up with this kind of mess is not good at all.
2006-07-21 15:20:01 · answer #3 · answered by tinkerbell 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When ever someone is abusive, this is a warning sign, not a suggestion. Nor is absolute forgiveness on your part. Abusive partners will balme you for all their transgressions and always at first ask for forgiveness. Abusive usually starts off mildly and will only esculate. Your mind is already telling you this behavior is wrong. But you have to have the courage for you to decide if you want to leave. You will not leave until YOU have had enough.
2006-07-21 14:31:39 · answer #4 · answered by Angel in Oz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get yourself to a safe place. THEN after you are safe, you need to talk him into getting therapy. But under NO circumstances should you even consider staying in a place where your health and safety are threatened. It doesn't matter how long you've been married - if he's EVER done it in the past and he's started up again, you need to protect yourself NOW before it's too late. Things will only escalate.
2006-07-21 14:13:26 · answer #5 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
34 years... I'm not sure whether to congratulate you on your marriage or your survival. Let me ask you this... could you handle 34 MORE years of the same? As we mature and grow older, hopefully we are becoming wiser. It could be very dangerous for you staying where you are. It could be dangerous for you leaving if he finds out where you are. The professionals in this matter will recommend safety first... you must protect yourself. It's time to be a realist. Your idealism could end up being fatal for you.
2006-07-21 14:19:54 · answer #6 · answered by Mike S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It'd be more wrong to stay and take this crap from him. You know damn well he's lying when he says it will never happen again. You need to be alot more stronger than that and let him know he can kiss your *** and this **** is stopping right now. Then pack your things and leave. As for forgiving him, he's lucky if you do after everything he has done to you.
2006-07-21 14:15:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go by your instinct. It's telling you to get out. Don't give him the opportunity to bring back the violence. If you don't protect yourself then you have no one to blame but yourself. Get out! God bless and good luck!
2006-07-21 14:13:04 · answer #8 · answered by Badkitty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it can happen sometimes, and that if it stops, you should forgive, but if he slips again, then either you leave or he gets psychiatric help.
2006-07-21 14:19:20 · answer #9 · answered by keats27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called post traumatic syndrome. Get help for the both of you ASAP
2006-07-21 14:13:24 · answer #10 · answered by d0ve67 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋