why do men always say "i've been at work all day" if you complain that you are tired?

Question

but if they look after the kids they say how hard and tiring it is but when we do it it's easy why are women expected top do a 24 hour job day in day out but men think when they clock off thats their day done how about helping us out for a while so we can both relax
sorry i'm ranting but men so annoy me edpecially mine who just said "i've been at work all day" no you went at 8 am and came back at 2pm now help get the kids ready for bed

no i cant stop whining cos when do i get a paid holiday sick pay and a pension for bringing our kids up who as i remember i didn't make all on my own

Answer 1

Bless ya! You sound right pissed off!! Do you know what - I know exactly what you feel like, its a 24/7 365 a year job with precious little thanks except for the pleasure you get when you actually find out when they hit about 23 or 24, what a damn fine job you did in nurturing and directing them to the best of your ability. I work full time and my 'holiday' is taken mostly to care for kids when they get sick I chucked my old man out in the end. One less stress of my mind!! (for the smart alec that said where are the kids now whilst on here, I have one in a ballet lesson and one at cadets).

Babe, tell your guy, who has already worked for a whole 6 hours (phew ...steady on) that you forgot to get toilet rolls in the shopping and you are going to nip out for some, head off to the nearest pub via the newsagents, get yourself Hello Mag, or Heat or OK or whatever you read, and get yourself a glass of wine [Large] and sit in the pub gardens for an hour chilling out and reading!! Thats what I would do. After all, as your bloke might say - it is the weekend!!

Answer 2

Men and women often agree to disagree because the sexes think differently.

Your husband is not demeaning you and your efforts, He just does not have a better way to say,
" I worked hard today, too, honey. Could you please give me some of your attention." This is really what he means. He is simply mirroring you, not having a pissing contest. That is Manthink for you.

Women like to talk about their day, what they did with the children, looking for a qualifier from their husband as to what a wonderful job they are doing, and want the husband to say, "Way to go, you are such a wonderful Woman. I can't believe how you can pull all this together and still look so HOT!"

But you won't hear that because Menthink does not work that way. Your husband doesn't tell you cause he knows you know.

See Women understand their Man so well. Have him analyzed down to the atom. But Manthink is not so detailed, it really is more emotional than a woman, CAn YOu believe This! Men are more instinctual, and less calculating.

You need to give yourself a break. Just say honey, I am tired can you fix dinner and take care of the kids. Then force yourself to ignore the chaos and go take a nap. You will be amazed how much can get done without your direction or input.

Give it a chance. Test your husband. Maybe this will give you relief, and make you feel good about all your efforts.

Answer 3

Imagine he is no longer there to talk to what would you do?

Have you anybody that you can ask and trust to look after the Children for the weekend, and you and your man get away for some time together? Can't afford a hotel, buy a tent! IT is not where or what or why your doing something or how much it cost, purely that you are doing something together. The challenge could be to go on the cheapest weekend away you can!

Have you agreed to spend some time together doing something which is fun each week (Not the PUB!!) where you can look forward to this even in the afternoon for an hour or two?

It is easy to fall in to a trap where everything just becomes a habit and chore.

(In the past I have had no choice but to sleep rough for a couple of days because of my own stupidity, but through it discovered some home truths, which made me appreciate the things life has given me. I had to think on my feet and met some very kind people along the way. )



Have you tried to find something that you honestly can say to your husband which is a compliment with no expectation of anything in return?

AGAPE is the Greek word for LOVE which means unconditional LOVE.

It is hard to put our feelings aside, when our needs are not met, but the effort made to do something or even say something we would not normally to make our partner feel good pays dividends.

The surprising thing is your not the only one in the world who is going through this or been through it, even though it may feel like it. A change of scene helps, and attitude.

Answer 4

it depends on your man, I work all the time, there is no time off, actually there is, this is it, 1 hour of yahoo on a saturday.

I am tired right now, I just had 8 hours sleep and it has done nothing, so if I hear anybody complain about getting tired then my immediate response is "so what", I don't really say this but it is there in my head.

oh I can't be arsed trying to be nice. Stop making everything a confrontation and try sympathising with your husband before you critisise him, he may have only been at work for 6 hours but if he has just clocked off then he is in no mood to be dictated to about how easy his life is, show a little tact woman. Give him a break and if you think he is not doing enough around the house then talk to him when he is calm and rested.

They say for each critisism you give 5 compliments, try the good before the ugly and you may get a better response.

Answer 5

I know exactly where you are coming from. My husband is the exact same way. Every time i say i am tired he says try going to work , I look at him like an idiot cause i have been at work and my job is never ending 24/7 365 days a week no holidays, vacation time,SICK time. They don't see that. Even if were sick we can't call in and say ah sorry I'm not coming in. They need to learn how to appreciate what we do and all the effort that is put into taking care of a family.

Answer 6

This kind of behavior has always bothered me. It's just a reiteration of the stereotypical slots that our culture puts men and women into.

People need to realize that watching several children, cooking their meals, cleaning the house and running errands is just as much (or more) work as a paying job.

If your husband complains again, tell him you were thinking about getting a job and having him stay at home. Tell him you want to give him the "Easy" job.

Whether it's a man or woman taking care of the kids and house, the other spouse often forgets how hard it is to do so.

Answer 7

I"m lucky I have found the person I just found. Guys need one week of taking care of the kids and the household at least to see what we do for them, and the kids. I also took the time to set down with both of my children and taught them things they would be learning in pre school. Guys don't have the patients for this.
If the kids are young you are going over whatever job they tried to do for you.
I did everything including the mowing the lawn so he could have time for the kids and that wasn't good enough. I decided I wasn't his mother I was his wife. And told him that. So he went out and found someone that was willing to be his mother.
I have a boyfriend right now that went to promise keepers. They are very good at explaining to men how they should be treating women not like slaves the way they do. That was not our purpose. He treats me so good. I feel spoiled when I'm with him. After all these years to find someone that appreciates me for me.

Answer 8

Not all men behave like that.

My bf & I both work 10 hour days. Then we come home. I make dinner & he sets the table. We eat together and have a great conversation. Then he clears the table and loads the dishwasher. I take care of the laundry and vacuum. He dusts and unloads the dishwasher. We both mow the grass & pull the weeds. I pick up after the dogs (4 of them) and water the flowers. He washes the cars.

But men like him are few & far between. It took me 42 years to find him and I thank his mother every chance I get for raising such a great boy who became such a wonderful man.

Answer 9

Its because both of you are tired. And neither one of you have the energy to think rationally. Some men have more sensitivity. My father decided that my mother was just not using her time efficiently. And he was going to school part time, and had just discovered the Time and Motion theory - people take more time than they need to over certain chores.

So he asked my mother what tasks she did, and she told him, and how long did they take - she had two children, a house to keep, and also had to help him with his job as a preacher.

He discovered that, without taking any rest periods at all, my mother worked a 26 hour day.

Maybe you can use this to save your marriage and sanity. Good luck.

Answer 10

yup-good reason NOT to get married huh.
But that aside, I think the groundwork for how things go needs to be set up from the beginning between partners. There is no doubt that a man will TRY to get away with as little as possible. Truth is, most men marry because they are seeking an extension of a mom-someone who cooks, cleans, takes care of his needs and does not ask or expect him to contribute to any of it. So, for starters, if you have sons, train them differently. That's not to say that that too is a challenge, as if they see that dad isn't helping-that certainly won't be a good role model and if they do help you, they still may grow up, get married and say, "I had enough of that when I was a kid" and still not help out his wife. So, in my opinion, men seem to be the ones who get the most benefit out of marriage. My sister chose NOT to marry-she knew she'd be a single parent with or without a man around. Then again, there are some out there who do their share. Be careful-if you hound your man, he will stop coming home at 2 p.m. and go elsewhere so he can rest and zone out. Start by talking to him calmly and sharing how you feel-honestly and without accusations. Good Luck!