I am a alcoholic and I have cheated on my husband while out drinking on many occasions. We have two children and tried to work it out cause of that.I recently left him because I think he cant really ever forgive me and he emotionally abuses me alot.He wanted to end the relationship too. Now he says he wants to get back together. He says he can really forgive me.I dont know how though. Do you think it could still be possible.I am going to AA now. I don't know how to beleive he really could love me again after all i've done. What should I do?
2006-07-21 05:42:24 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know what I did to him is terrible and its really messed up our marriage but my children our with me and want to be with me. I am a full time stay at home mom. They are only 2 and 3. I have also never drank around them. Not even in the house when they are asleep. I only drank if I went out on a weekend with a friend. I know I have failed as a wife but I do a very good job as a mother. Except for the problems Ive made with my marriage.
2006-07-21 10:15:26 · update #1
You and your children have a lot invested in the marriage. It is POSSIBLE that it could work, but you must decide that he and the kids are more important to you than booze and cheap sex, and he must decide that your feelings are more important than insults and immature behavior.
It could be that both your drinking and unfaithfulness are a symptom of you reaching out for something that makes you feel loved. It could also be that his emotional abuse is a symptom of his anger and hurt and his inability to understand his own feelings and his inability to express it in words appropriately.
You need AA, both of you need marriage counseling. If you cannot afford counseling, call around to local churches to find a priest or pastor who is qualified and willing to do it free.
If you want your marriage to survive and maybe even to become a wonderful thing it will take WORK. More than that- it will take love, forgiveness, thankfulness, and kindness.
God bless you and your husband, I wish you the best.
2006-07-21 05:59:09 · answer #1 · answered by lampoilman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, I don't believe that AA is the solution to alcoholism. It keeps a person forever bound in that mentality ("I'm an alcoholic and I'll always be one..etc") I believe God can change a person to the point where they are a new person. None of that "I'm always gonna be struggling with this" crap.
I have a friend who was a nasty alcoholic to the point where he nearly destroyed his kidneys and was so sick he couldn't get out of bed for months. He became a christian and God changed him into a person that you would never have a clue that this guy was at some point in his life an alcoholic. I've known the guy for over 4 years and I can tell that he is totally change, to the point that I can drink wine with him right there and he doesn't have the slightest desire for it.
His marriage is better now than before.
I think that with someone like that a marriage can be repaired, because there is real change. I know it's possible for you as well, just don't dwell on the past anymore.
2006-07-21 06:12:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think humans are creatures of habit. If you go back to him, there is a big chance that you two will fall back into the emotional rollercoaster. And you might even start drinking again. If you are going to AA now and have left him, keep it that way.
Not to be cruel but cheating is a big blow to someone's ego. It's hurtful and can NEVER be forgotten no matter how much you or the other person wants to believe. I would imagine it would be hell to even try. It's best to leave him alone, he's probably lonely and misses you. Afterall, you were married and probably shared the happiest moments together. If you still care about him, then I would suggest to let him heal by himself and you do the same. Keep up your AA meetings! Good Luck to you!
2006-07-21 05:59:37 · answer #3 · answered by jade11378 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am not sure if your relationship can be repaired. How much do YOU want that relationship?
It sounds like you have enough to do right now. Try just going on a few dates with him first. Then see if he relaxes and stops the emotional abuse. You do not need that on top of everything else.
2006-07-21 05:58:14 · answer #4 · answered by Kyawoman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You vowed to each other certain things upon wedlock. the glass is 1/2 empty or 1/2 full. a perfect marriage is a damn hard job (FULL TIME) it takes a lot of responsibility add in a scoop of alcohol and infedelity & damn it just seems impossible but if you love each other, both of you absolutely need to have a possitive attitude. have a goal and a plan on how to get there. stay the course it will be unbearable at times. talking one at a time is a must so tension doesnt rise. learn how to forgive each other. work on one thing per day to avoid becoming overwhelmed. PLEASE smile at each other & dont only say i love you......showing it goes MUCH MUCH further. i hope everything works out. Oh!! Be honest with each other but not brutally honest. remember ur not trying to backstep but move foward as quickly as possible because nobody wins or is happy in an unhealthy marriage.
2006-07-21 06:10:52 · answer #5 · answered by Edie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is impossible. But how bad do you want this man back in your life? No quick fix here. He will subcounsciosley be waiting for a relapse and further betrayal for a long time to come no matter what he says cos he is hurting bad.
And what about you? Why are you so unhappy and where does it say in your letter thet you love him, that your sorry or that you WILL NEVER HURT HIM AGAIN. Pick yourself up woman, and show some pride in yourself by becoming a sober wife and mother....Too hard????
Stop trying to solve problems with alcohol it cannot bo reasoned with
2006-07-21 05:56:45 · answer #6 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm no expert but I think there is too much baggage here. While there was no infidelity in my marriage, my ex-husband was emotionally abusive. From my experience I would never go back to him. He might say he could change, but once he gets you back under his roof, the emotional abuse will just escalate. I think you probably need to think about starting over.
2006-07-21 05:48:27 · answer #7 · answered by Sabina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seek marriage therapy, My husband as well has been abusive, and i have been close to doing things i can be ashamed off but i didnt and all this out of hate for what he has done tome, it is not healthy to live like this, it hurts, but if you still love him and he wants to get back with you he oviously loves you, you have two children, get marriage counceling , from a religious center, no strings attached or look up counceling on line, do it so that wether you guys stay together or not, at least it will be healthier for the children and the situation can become peaceful.
2006-07-21 05:50:03 · answer #8 · answered by Jackeline G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that when something is broken, there is no way to fix it. Its better for you both to keep a nice relationship as friends and parents, since you guys have kids, but dont try again.
Think about you getting a new fresh start, after AA, redo your life, meet new people, new friends (the old ones might be the ones who used to drink with you, so, hard to do, but u have to get rid of them forever). You will find someone for you, dont try to fix things with crazy glue...they will break again, get rid of them and get new something new.
And good luck at AA, YOU CAN DO IT!!
2006-07-21 05:59:58 · answer #9 · answered by spoiled_noche 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stranger things have happened. I am sorry for the trials you are dealing with. I am glad to see that you recognise your problem and take accountability for it and are willing to get help.
I say get the help for yourself..if the marriage can be repaired so be it...LATER! Your broken body needs to be repaired first.
Best wishes!
2006-07-21 06:43:24 · answer #10 · answered by AccountableLady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋