i need advice on a boyfriend not helping me around the house?

Question

i love my boyfriend very much and would not trade him for any thing. but when we moved into our house the agreement was that anything in the house is my responsibility and the outside part is his to deal with, well he works 12 hour days and i spend about 2.5 hours aday on the interstate to and from work and in the office about 9 hours a day. when i get home at night it is always a rush to get dinner done then clean up and do laundry and so on plus go play tennis with him, that is our time together, but like last night it was so late and tring to fold and put laundry away and clean the whole house and change the sheets on the bed so we can go to bed, and he does not offer to help, he just sits in front of the tv. oh and if he watching tv, YOU DON'T TALK OR INTERUPT!!! that is a NO NO!! i will always do anything to treat him like a king and i do and always will wait on him hand and foot, but sometimes i would like allittle help, but sometimes i feel like he gets mad when i ask him to do

Answer 1

It's time to renegotiate that deal. Without getting in to the whole other thing about the TV, which sounds a little anal/control freakish, I'll just say that u need to tell him to pull his weight more around the house or else go 50/50 and get a housekeeper to come by once a week. Do u guys have similar standards for the house? I only ask because maybe u r a clean freak and so he just doesn't really care if the house is as clean as u work to make it, which is why he doesn't jump in. Or does he just expect too much, an u constantly feel behind the mark, and he's not helping, if this is the case, scroll up and re read the first 3 lines. if the other thing about u being a clean freak is true, then maybe it could be because of u that he doesn't help, he's just come to realize that whatever he does wont go real far in your book of endless chores, so he gives up, overwhelmed. Either way u should try to talk with him about how u feel. if he's worth keeping around he will hear u out.
good luck

Answer 2

You need to have a talk with him and if that doesn't work, stop doing things for him. He'll get the point after about 24 hours or less. I have the same arrangement with my fiance'. I do the inside of the house and he does the outside. He also works 11 hours a day 6 days a week. I work 40 hours a day and drive 2 minutes to work. However, he is still responsible for picking up after himself. If he can't put his stuff away, it gets piled up on his side of the bed. I threw his dirty shoes up there the other day, but you can bet he puts them away now. One time we got into an argument and it happened to be laundry day (almost every day is laundry day). Well I had already done some of his laundry so I refused to fold it and piled it on his side of the bed. I did no more of his laundry, I didn't wake him up the next morning and I didn't bring him his coffee. In less then 24 hours he was apologizing and joking about pissing me off on laundry day. Just do enough to make him get the point. He can not and should not treat you like that.

Answer 3

First of all stop treating him like a king. He needs to know from the start that you aren't his mommy and you aren't there to cook and clean up after him. If you keep going the way you are, if you get married, it will only get worse. Sit down with him and explain that if he wants this living situation to work that you need him to at least clean up after himself and if he sees you struggling that he needs to help you out. I hate when I hear most women say they make the agreement that housework and cooking is their responsibility and yard work is a man's job. That's just ridiculous. There is so much more house work than yard work. If after awhile things don't get better tell him you want to switch roles. You take the yard work for a while and make him do all the household chores. I think he will be giving you a hand indoors very quickly after he sees how much more work it is.

Answer 4

It is time to set him straight. He is not the master in the house. It is a 50/50 deal and unless he wants you to stay home and be a maid there are things He needs to do. If He lacks the respect to help out than the marriage is a sham. It does not take too much to realize how tired you are and a little help will not kill him. Make a list with him of things He can do to help.

Answer 5

You placed yourself in this situation and it's up to you to get yourself out of it.
Home and family married or not is supposed to be a 50-50 deal. Either he helps you, or tell him to leave. Both of you work, your work day should end at the same time, after helps you clean up after dinner. Then you should retire and make love and sleep and repeat the cycle again the next day.
To many guys think housework id woman's work. That is total B.S. He either helps you, or tell him you'll find MAN that will. A real man respects and supports the woman he loves in everything, including housework.

Answer 6

Ok, well, I think that if you are in a good relationship you should be able to speak freely with each other... No matter what is going on. You should be able to ask for help, and he should say yes. The outside of a house is way easier to take care of then the inside... You got shafted. A relationship is supposed to be equal, a little give a little take... Good luck.... Get him off the couch and make him help you.

Answer 7

sometimes men can be so clueless, but my suggestion would be to say, "Honey, I'd love to spend some romantic time with you before bed, but I have all these things to do, but if you could help me, we could get it done in no time & we could give each other a back rub, make out, makelove, talk, laugh..." give him an insentive. tell him what a turn on it is to see him doing domestic work, even if you don't feel in the mood that night, you can always do something quick in return for his help, like rubbing his back, just barter with him & get a tivo so he can pause live tv or record whatever show you can't interupt him watching

Answer 8

So only he knows how to get mad? What about you getting a little mad sometimes? Don't be a pushover/doormat. Let him know you need help and tell him what to do. Otherwise he is not worth keeping. He will walk all over you and cheat on you to boot.

Answer 9

you should have made this rule before you moved in together...your gonna have a real hard time changing it now..but your right he should help you...maybe when he's not worshipping the tv you should ask him...but I'm sure he notices you doing all this stuff...he should offer to help

Answer 10

tell him if he wants ne thing then help so quit washin his clothes and stuff. Gys r just LAZY they need to be told what to do