She is ten years older than me and cannot have children. She is unsure with even adopting one at this point. She walked out one month before our wedding due to fear of doing the wrong thing. Many people pressured her she was doing the wrong thing marrying some one younger. My mother does not like her and considers her to be immature with emotyional baggage for a woman her age. She is 48. and I am 38. I still loover her and she does with me. We cannot let go but I am afraid to go back 100% due to her leaving again. Also, I think I want to have children and this iis not possible here. However, I cannot imagine myself with anyone else since I have tried to date but have no desire. She is my soulmate even though I have issues with age difference and how we will look together. I consider that shallow on my part and do not like it. I love her but cannot come to terms with her leaving, age difference, bnot having kids, etc. However, I cannot imagine myself with else.
2006-07-21 05:18:46 · 19 answers · asked by CS 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like you guys have to many issues to be in a healthy relationship with one another. I think the best thing you can do if you still wish to be with this women is to go to counsiling(sp?) with her first. You guys have problems you have to work out before you can even consider getting married.
2006-07-21 05:22:01 · answer #1 · answered by Crystal L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first of all you need to severe the ties. I'm sorry probably not what you wanted to hear.
You know darn well you want children...so let's not even say "I think". You mentioned kids 3 times in your story. This woman is not able to give you the gift of life...so move on. I know that's hard...but time will heal your heart. I cannot imagine myself without kids - don't look back 10 years from now, when you're 48 and she's 58 and regret that you didn't have kids.
You already mentioned that you are 100% afraid. Listen to your inner-self. This is causing you pain.
Start dating and start having fun. If you married this woman...you might lose your family...is this what want? Looks like your family cares enough for you to give you advice. The old adage is "Mother's Know Best"...I think in this case...she might have be right...and she loves her son so much to tell him. She only wants you to be happy...and she sees that this is not happening.
However, even though you'll get many answers here - I think you know the answer.
Good Luck & God Bless You.
2006-07-21 05:29:56 · answer #2 · answered by Wanna-be-Dear-Abby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to do is either agree to have or not have children. If you can live with the decision then go from there. Age is not a factor at your ages. Maybe she called it off because she is unsure about committing to a relationship, bad ones in the past etc. I would really sit down with her and have a good heart to heart discussion on you relationship. As far as what your mother thinks that should not play a factor in your relationship - your a grown man and can make your own choices in life. I wish the both of you happiness no matter what decision you make.
2006-07-21 05:24:38 · answer #3 · answered by middle aged and love it 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk with her about what she wants out of this relationship and out of life. You are a good person going back to her after she walked out on your wedding, most wouldn't even give the person another thought. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, but take each thing with a grain of salt. She is older then you, so what, if you truely love her then age does not readily matter. She can not have kids, adoption is a possibility but if she deos not want them that is another question, do you? If you truely do and she truely does not, then the relationship will not work. Also, even though she is older, it does not mean she is mature, in your opinion, would you feel safe havnig her be around your child (if you had one) alone? If not, this is not the path for you.
Worst case scenario, cloning could work wonders!
2006-07-21 05:25:42 · answer #4 · answered by PDK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be best to let this one go. There is a lot of bagage on both of your parts. I dated a woman that was 17 years older than me, it was a lot of fun, but really messed with my head at times for the same reasons that you speak of. We broke up and I found I was happier without the strange feelings that I had about her. Your 38 and wanting kids. I'm 38 and my kids will be out of the house in 4 years, I can't wait until they're gone. You're just starting out. If you mom does not like her it will put a strain on your relationship no matter what. All of your concerns are valid points.
2006-07-21 05:36:57 · answer #5 · answered by Alan J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Dad has said that "marriage breaks up some of the best friendships"
Go with her decision, if she says she wants you to marry someone your own age and have children of your own, she means it. If you keep hanging on you could destroy the friendship too. You need some space and so do she. Have you heard Absense make the heart grow fonder? or If you really love something, let it go? Who knows what time will bring?
She has already been down this road in marriage, she is not a giddy young girl who makes snap decisions in the name of love. You must respect her decision.
2006-07-21 05:33:25 · answer #6 · answered by kayboff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it may seem like there is no hope to find someone else, but there is. There are a lot of women in this world who would love a sincere guy, that will blow away what your are presently clinging on to.
You need to let it go- it will be hard, but it will be one of the greatest gifts you give yourself in your life. Travel, take time, don't look so hard, eventually you will meet that real "gem". She is out there, too. You will have an awesome family, your kids will adore you.
don't beat yourself up over it, just take care of business for your heart of hearts.
2006-07-21 05:27:42 · answer #7 · answered by omnimog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is way too immature for her age, your mother is right. Have you really given dating a chance? She can be your soulmate and not your lover. Maybe she is meant to be a good friend.
2006-07-21 05:23:08 · answer #8 · answered by Mike Hunt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm I basically got here out of comparable concern. woman I enjoyed who's my age (24) yet is engaged to her significant different and has been with him a solid few years. They weren't getting on and we began to get on. to cut back a protracted tale short, we the two fell for the different yet she ended up ditching me to attempt and artwork issues out together with her significant different. Dude enable me inform you some thing precise now... a million. that's morally incorrect to this factor or see women who already have companions. 2. women who're in failing relationships choose somebody to get interest from. you are the large guy precise? basically like me? nicely they're going to use that until eventually issues are going greater effective with their companions and then ditch you. the moral of this tale, it is ok to flirt and mess approximately with women, despite in the event that they're taken yet do no longer take it any further. except she breaks up with him, i does not even circulate close to her cos you will get harm... Sali speaks the certainty... if she did no longer love him then why does not she go away him? women lie to get what they choose... so some distance as you're in contact, she's no longer getting on together with her significant different and it capacity it is okay for her to get interest from you... it is until eventually she runs back to him for intercourse and much greater interest... you are the emotional interest and her hubby is the actual i'm guessing.
2016-10-08 04:08:10 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you mother wants the best for you than you should go for it. By the way who made up that rule that you have to marry sommeone younger or same age? NO ONE. so go for it
2006-07-21 05:24:19 · answer #10 · answered by <3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋