My wife thinks that sex 1 time per month (or two) is good enough. It is unbelievably hard not to just leave and find another woman. It seems that every woman that I talk to tells me that their husband does not give them enough. Every time I bring it up that I need more sex she just gets mad so I will shut up about it, I do not know how much longer that I can stand this...(I have been married for thirteen years, she has never been very sexual, just kind-of laying there you know...)
2006-07-21 04:48:29 · 21 answers · asked by 57chevy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She's not a whore, she's your wife. Try treating her like a precious jewel and she will want to do more for you. Maybe you should be doing more for her than asking her to put out more.
2006-07-21 04:52:11 · answer #1 · answered by e_imommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start buying her the things you think she should wear, get her a toy. Maybe while you are at work she'll experiment. She should be at the age where she wants it more. Sometimes there is a past that is not to eagerly to be remembered. Maybe something bad happened that sex reminds her of and thats why she doesn't. Take her away for a weekend let her open a box of goodies (the lingerie and toys). Sometimes people just need to refreshed, and getting away works. The best thing you can do is communicate and if you feel that she gets mad, then maybe you should come out and say exactly how you feel about needing more. She can only get madder and it will pass, but she'll know either she changes.........or you are going elsewhere. Truth hurts, but some people just have to hear it!
2006-07-21 04:55:34 · answer #2 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe that it necessarily means she "does not love you"; you said it yourself that she has never been too interested in that. Some people just have low libido. She may or may not have an underlying medical condition (things like depression can affect sexual desire). Realistically speaking, her desire for sex will probably never match yours. I don't know if "talking" to her will fix that, I'm sure you have talked about it already; perhaps there are other issues in the marriage that are affecting it as well, and you might benefit from marriage counseling - however, counseling does require money and committment. Don't know if there's an easy fix for it, other than perhaps trying to "meet in the middle" (i.e., having sex 3-4 times a month rather than once or twice a month - but accepting that she will probably remain somewhat uninterested). It's a shame you guys are so mismatched in this area; it makes things much easier when partners have about the same need for sex, but it may be a difficult match to make.
2006-07-21 05:22:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to talk to you wife about this. Find out why she doesn't want to have sex with you that much. Tell her that you love her very much but that you are concerned about how your relationship is going. Be honest with her. Tell her that you have had thoughts, stress just thoughts, about finding someone else that is willing to have sex with you. This will make her mad but will show her that there is a chance that she might lose everything she has with you. I have heard that after being married for so long your sex life dies down. She just might not have the energy to do it. Do you have kids? If so, you might want to consider hiring a babysitter every now and then to give her a break. Do you still take her out on dates? Women need to be romanced even after you get married. Most women don't work like men, they don't get excited sexually as quickly. Maybe try giving her a massage. Ah, I wish you luck.
2006-07-21 04:57:02 · answer #4 · answered by LadyD1019 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I admire you that you've hung in there this long.
Yes, for some reason women don't understand the sex thing. I could elaborate here, but I won't.
Your wife needs to see a dr and/or counselor. Lack of desire can be hormonal or mental.. Either way........
Now, what do you do if she doesn't want to go??? Then you have some serious decisions to make. One, you vowed for better or for worse. But sexual intimacy is what sets a marriage apart from all other relationships. That is what marriage is for. When a person (male or female) doesn't want to do this on a regular basis.....something is amiss. And yes, I'm aware of different appitites.
She vowed to loved you & keep you & make you her #1 priority. She has broken those vows she made to you 13 years ago.
2006-07-21 05:03:13 · answer #5 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you stay married to someone who doesn't enjoy sex?
You clearly do enjoy it and she's unwilling to discuss it. I imagine that means she's unwilling to go and get herself checked out to see if she can increase her libido.
If you are talking to women about their sex lives and your own, you are on the brink of cheating danger. Take the high road and stop discussing your lack of sex with women you know. You will find yourself in a mess if you don't.
The honorable thing to do is to tell your wife that you have something very important to discuss and you want to do it at a time that she's not busy or stressed.
Tell her how much you love her and your life with her, then say that you aren't satisfied with sex and wonder if she is truly satisfied or what. Tell her that you really need for her to go in and cget herself checked out. Her hormone levels may be way off.
If she does not want to do that, you should start making plans to seperate. Tell her that you have no plans to immediately start seeing another woman and that you have nobody in mind, but you do want an active sex life so after a month of living apart, if she is still unwilling to work on things, you will seek a woman companion who is more intrested in sex.
That's fair warning enough and it's the honest thing to do. It will give you a good feeling knowing that you didn't cheat. If you have lived without for more than 13 years, you can tough it out for aanother 3 months.
Good luck. I don't envy your situation.
2006-07-21 04:56:26 · answer #6 · answered by ssssss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure that your wife loves you. She probably feels very defensive every time you bring up the fact that you are not getting enough. I would suggest that you stop bringing it up because it's a vicious cycle of her getting defensive and then withdrawing more. Instead, start treating her like you truly are enamored by her. Start doing nice things for her as when you were dating. Bring her home a rose. Tell her she looks hot. Touch her a lot but without going straight to the sex. Sometimes with my husband I get real annoyed when he hasn't touched me all day or said anything sweet or loving, but then wants to go straight to sex. It makes us women feel as if we're just a hole! I hope thiat helps!
2006-07-21 05:21:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not necissarily. Some women just don't like sex because it hurts too much or their mothers raised them to believe they weren't supposed to enjoy sex & that all sex is for is reproduction...not for pleasure. This is way outdated thinking. But it's hard to get something out of your head when you've heard it all your life. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, she may just feel like sex is not that imoportant in a relationship. Some women feel that communication & honesty, & unconditional love are more important.
2006-07-21 05:00:29 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"some women just do not feel the need for sex, they see it as a "favor" for the husband or boyfriend. YOu should talkto her, but be gentle, tell her that you sesire "her" more oftenthan twice a month, or you could touch her gently, rub her and give her signs that you want her. If she doesn't respond, than maybe she is just not into sex anymore. Unfortuntly it does happen
2006-07-21 04:53:43 · answer #9 · answered by Zeni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately, this could mean several things. 1st of all you both think differently when it comes to sex, making love or whatever you want to call it. thats never gonna change. just like if you get into a marriage knowing one wants babys and the other doesnt. 2nd she could be getting it from someone else. 3 maybe you cant please her. 4 maybe shes a cold hearted ***** and you should start looking elsewhere.
2006-07-21 04:56:52 · answer #10 · answered by lizette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm maybe she doesnt love you. there is no law suggesting to stay in a unhappy marriage. only man made laws. *** her and find someone else. here is a secret. when i use to just lay there and hate to have sex with my husband it was because i didn't like him touching me. i went and had an affair like he was doing. a mess but *** it we are both happy now without each other. life goes on. we are not divorced yet but the paper in reality is just a paper dont mean **** without feelings. ego's man made laws all bullshit. i now have unconditional love with my soulmate that i secretly kept in tact with for 12 yrs. he was my best friend and now we are lovers, friends, etc :)
2006-07-21 04:54:04 · answer #11 · answered by spoiled r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋