My ex-grlfriend wants me back..?

Question

My ex-grlfriend wants me back.... but she's married and pregnant... her husband is in iraq...all three of us are in the military..and im leaving again to go to iraq the second time around in mid august...
she's been goin to my place.. and hanging out..and more... She tells me that she loves me and all I can do is look at her innocent eyes... and she's so sorry that she made the mistake of marrying him..when she knows im her soulmate... he got her pregnant before leaving for iraq..and i feel as though he has been abusing her..verbally and threatning her all he time... But her husband now...is the guy that she cheated on me with... and that was made us break up... she says she's wants to move away with me when i come back from iraq in feb.. but he comes back in november..when his baby boy is born... i hate this and it's killing me.. i don'tknow what to do...i mean I love her...and will always will. that's just the kind of person that i am... please help me..

Answer 1

Listen, she is your "ex" for a reason. She cheated on YOU and now she is cheating on HIM. What does this tell you about her charactor? Look at her "innocent eyes"? I am NOT being mean here when I say this: Her eyes are LYING EYES, not INNOCENT at ALL. She is playing YOU and HIM. This woman is all about her own needs and not about yours or his or her child's or anybody elses but her own.

This is the type of woman who gives all us other women bad names. She is the type who gets good and decent, trustworthy women paying for their horrible behavior. Men who are the victems of such coniving, dishonest, using and abusing women eventually become so hurt they develope trust issues which they carry into the next relationship which could be with a very trustoworthy, honorable, and decent woman yet she gets treated as though SHE is the one who did the man wrong. SHE pays the price of HIS developed lack of ability to trust. She pays the price of his suspicions, inability to really committ due to the betrayals in the past by women like this.

Listen, this woman is not good for you or any other man. She is out for herself only and is going to use all her female wiles to get her own needs met regardless of who she hurts in the process. Right now you are there and her husband is not. Right now you can fill her needs, while her husband can't. She will dump you for her husband when he gets back. He is the father of her child and she is NOT going to leave him for you when he gets back. When he gets back SHE is going to be back in HIS bed while YOU are gone and still hoping to be with her. ALL letters she sends will be finished and you will not hear from her. If she gets caught she will put those "innocent eyes" onto her husband and convince HIM that YOU took advantage of HER while she was in a vulnerable place with him being gone and all, that YOU have not gotten over her and YOU approached HER and YOU suduced HER, took advantage of HER lonliness and vulmerabilities.

This woman is a tramp, plain and simple. She is naccasistic and this means she sees only her own needs not anybody elses. She, in her narcasism believes the world evolves around her and that everyone in the world in there to fill HER needs. A person with this type of personality disorder does not have the capasity to meet anyone's needs, she only sees others in the context of meeting her needs. She is not capable of seeing that others have needs which are as viable as hers with every right to an expectation of recieving from her what she receives from them. She is not able to give anything real or of substance to anyone.

I am sorry you are in such a web of deceit and hurt. Past behavior is the BEST indicator of future behaviors. She has already cheated on you and broken your heart. What more are you going to let her do to you? Don't you believe you are worth more than this? Don't you believe you are worthy of receiving back an equal degree of love, devotion, attention, care, loyalty, respect, trust, and honesty that you give others? Why would you want to be back with a woman who has used and abused your love? She threw you away when something "better" came on the scene, and she will do this again.

Right now she KNOWS you still have feelings for her, that you have love for her, that you have not moved on yet. Right now you are the best target for meeting her own needs. She is NOT thinking of how badly she hurt you already. She is NOT considering the hurt she is going to inflict upon you again if you allow her to. Right now she knows that she can just walk back into your life and your arms and give her what she needs RIGHT NOW. She is one of those individuals who cares only for the meeting of her own immediant needs. She will play on your existing love and use you up.

I am so sorry this is happening. However, YOU have the only power to stop her from using you again and hurting you even more deeply than she already has. It suits her needs right now for you to think she has been abused by her husband. Listen, look at her behaviors, does she really appear to be somebody who would stay in an abusive relationship? I don't think so. As soon as a relationship becomes too uncomfortable for her, when it puts expectations on her to meet her partners needs or to hold up her end of the relationship she finds somebody else.

She is stuck in the mode of "first love". Or rather the emotion that a physical attraction and lust will offer her immediant treatment as a princess who is fawned upon. She likes being treated as though she is constantly on a "honeymoon". When life pushes back the clouds of infatuation, or in other ways puts reality into the relationship and she is expected to hold up her end, she finds someone else to treat her as though she is the only important person in the relationship. She likes being treated as though she is the only viable person in a relationship. Which occurres in the early stages of every relationship. Only she is not the one giving out all the attention, she is the one receiving it.

Look back at your relationship with her before she cheated and left you for her current husband. Did she not always have YOU running around courting her? Did she not always get her emotional needs met, but gave you little in return, only you were so deeply in the first flush of love you did not realize how little you were getting back from her? Did she not take as much from you as she could yet provided you little in return?

Think hard and look clearly at the past. Look at her behavior when the two of you were still together and find all the signs that she was the one doing all the taking and you were the one doing all the giving. There are some huge red flags you ignored durring your relationship with her. I know this as you are ignoring them now as well. SHE CHEATED ON YOU!!!!! She did not come looking for you again until HER HUSBAND LEFT. She is CHEATING ON HER HUSBAND, THE FAHTER OF HER CHILD. Regardless of her stating she "made a mistake" she has not written her husband and told him she is going back to you and wants a divorce. Has she? She wants you to think she is "afraid" of him so she has an excuse why she is not telling him she is done with him. The real reason she has not done this is because she is NOT done with him!!

Listen, I am a woman who has lived forty three years. I KNOW how some women behave, how they deceive, minipulate, and use men for their own needs and do not give a thing of worth back but a world of hurt to the men they snare in their webs. I am a very good looking woman, still am at my age. I have NEVER used my looks to get what I want from a man. This woman is doing exactly that. She is NOT INNOCENT. She is a deceiver, a liar, a cheat, and a slut. She is going to use you again if you let her and then throw you away again when her husband comes back, and YOU will get ALL the blame. She WILL tell him you took advantage of her while she was in a vulnerable place, lonely and scared. Trust me, this is how this will play out IF YOU LET HER DO THIS.

Perhaps you need to go through this so you can learn from the experiance. I hope you can cut her lose and not have to go through such hurt again. If you do allow her to do this, if you take her back for even a short period you are going to be scarred by this and it will affect future relationships. You may lose good and decent women because you will have deep trust issues after this woman gets through with you.

You deserve much better than this. You deserve a woman who will treat you the way you treat her, a woman who will stand by your side through thick and thin, tell the wheels fall off, till the end of time in other words. You are capable of having a good and honest trustworthy woman. You are a good man and can and will find happiness if you will learn from your past and not repeat the mistakes. Learn from your past experiances.

If this were a man I would not touch him with a ten foot pole. I have been cheated on and there is no way in HELL I would ever consider taking him back. Oh, he tried, but I shot him down fast. He thought he could just walz right on back into my life, my home, my bed, but he was shut out as I will not be played a fool for a second time by anyone. The saying "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me", is TRUE.

ONLY YOU have the abiltity to stop this woman from hurting you more deeply than the first time. You have to stand up for your self and demand better treatment. You have to kick her to the curb. When you do watch what she does. She will go after somebody else. She will find somebody and then go back to her husband when he gets back. Watch her and see what she does, I can promise you she will quickly find another man to use if you tell her NO and kick her a.s.s to the curb.

Take care of yourself, honor yourself, protect yourself, respect yourself, and others will do the same. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us. People view us the way we view ourselves. If we think poorly of ourselves people pick up on that and see us through our own eyes. They see how we do not respect ourselves and they will not respect us. They see how we allow others to treat us and they follow suit. You treat yourself well and others will too.

I hope you will not take this woman back, but instead step back from her and take the action of taking care of yourself. Others will respect you for taking a stand in how you allow yourself to be treated. You not only deserve a better woman you can get a better woman if you just treat yourself how you would treat others. Be as loving and kind to yourself as you are to others. Why do others deserve good treatment but you don't?

She will find another man to meet her needs while her husband is away. When he comes back she will return to him and if her husband finds out the guy is going to be the one who took "adantage" of her and the husband is going to try to beat the crap out of him for what he sees as a crime against his wife and himself. Don't be that man. Be the man who says NO to her. You will be grateful you did.

Good luck and please be safe while you are away. I will pray for your safety. Please don't fall for this womans antics. You don't deserve such treatment, not the first time around and not now either. Let her find a different victem.

Answer 2

Don't fall for the eyes!! That's a something that we women have ;-) No seriously is she said she made a mistake of marrying the other guy and now that he is away she is cheating on you what is the grantee that when your away she will not cheat on you??
marriage are not mistakes she married him for a reason could be she was in love with him etc.. she dumped you for him and now whatever her reasons are she is coming to you!!
You sound like a soft hearted person solider... so if you want her back than tell her that she better get the divorce paperwork started before you leave and well when her husband comes back in Nov she better get it signed and once its all done and thru and if he wants custody and you prefer it that way than go for it... but if you want her to have the custody than you better make sure that the father is paying for child support...and when you come back in Feb she should be waiting for you by than everything should have been taken care of!!
you will have to test her this time to make sure that she is not messing around!! she left you now she has to earn you back! not everything comes for free!! not twice don't you agree....if she is in love with you like she is saying than she will do everything to earn you back!!
good luck and let her work for it this time!! people are suppose to learn from their mistakes

Answer 3

This girl sounds like she's terrified of being left alone for even a second. Heaven forbid you turn out the lights at night...the boogeyman might get her! Seriously, she left you for this dillhole that she married, she got pregnant by him...I'd tell her too bad, so sad. She'll just do it again. I know you might love her, but don't you love yourself a little bit? You deserve to be respected as well as anyone else on the planet. She's looking for a free meal and she knows she can manipulate a sweet guy like you into getting what she wants. You can do better than her. I don't even know her but I see a clear pattern...she cheated on you with another man, went to that man, and now she wants you again. You seem to have your head on straight enough to know it's wrong to mess with a married woman, which is good, but according to her pattern, if you move away with her, she'll just find some other guy to run off with. Good luck...you're going to need it.

Answer 4

so you weren't good enough at first then she realizes this guy is an *** and now wants you back, what happens when someone else comes along do you get pushed to the side again? And then when that doesn't work will she want you back again? And will you take her back? She doesn't sound like she knows what she wants. Tell her to be on her own for awhile and when you come back from iraq you can go from there.

Answer 5

Regardless of whether or not you're soul mates, she needs to rectify her 'mistake' of marrying him before you start a relationship. If he's been abusive to her, she needs to start the divorce process NOW, even if he's in Iraq, and before the baby is born. No matter what kind of person her husband is, is you start a relationship with her now, it's cheating, and it could affect the outcome of any kind of custody dispute she may get into. You can be her friend, and you can support her, but do NOT start any other kind of relationship with her until she's started divorce proceedings.

Answer 6

Please keep this in mind: you asked for our advice.

First, you don't seem to be the type of man who would accept being the "other guy". It tore you up when you found out about your (now ex-) girlfriend cheating on you with him, and would you want to put anybody else in that same place?

She left you. It's that simple. Either she cannot make up her mind, or else she's always looking for the "upgrade"...I'm leaning toward that last one, personally. She's missing her current man, is substituting you for him, but once you're gone, who will she turn to then? It won't be either one of you two guys, at least until her husband comes home.

Don't fall for her line. You got burned once by her, and it'll happen again if you honestly think she'll be waiting for your return.

Answer 7

well you say you love her but how can you trust her, she cheated on you with her now husband, and is still telling you she loves you and in a sense is still committing adultry, if that is the type of woman you want go ahead. No one is perfect but you have to look at the whole picture and not be blinded by love, it will only get you hurt again in the end.

Answer 8

She is just using you while her husband is gone. She jsut wants some company and knows that you will give it to her, but the second he gets back you will be old news. Sorry but once a cheater always a cheater no matter how innocent her eyes look.

Answer 9

Tell her she made her bed lay in it. If she truly loved you she would've messed around on you in the first place. No she loves the right now. Tell her to get to stepping she has a man and a baby on the way you don't need the baggage..

Answer 10

Alot of women get lonely and need someone by their side. When you are gone who is she going to turn to? It seems to me that you need to cut your losses and walk away from this one. She cant run away from the father of her baby, this man will always have to be a part of her life. And it isnt fair to him while he is away serving our country that she is turning her affection elsewhere. The military teaches us alot of things, one of which is honor. The honorable thing to do is to leave a married woman alone, let your heart heal. Good luck

Answer 11

IF u take her back u gonna have to take on the responsibility of a child that is not urs... can u do that??? is she even divorced????

ur jumping the gun.. tell her to come back after the divorce is final...

also how u know that she's not gonna cheat again.. if u can forgive her than take her back after she's finished handling her business.. cause right now it sounds like she's lonely...