I was wrong when I went outside of my marriage. I've been going to counseling to address my issues and things are getting better. But here is the problem. My wife doesn't want to go to counseling and we haven't had sex in over a year. Has she not forgiven me? How long does a person hold out on sex after a situation like this? I understand she needs time, but isn't it time for us to address our marriage? I'm getting help, why doesn't she want to?
2006-07-21 03:58:42 · 11 answers · asked by TexasBoy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think the first thing you need to do is ask you wife if she wants to make the marriage work. If she says yes than explain to her that you've been getting help and that to try to fix the marriage she needs to go to. If she refuses tell her you don't understand how it is going to work out then. If she still loves you and wants it to work out she will go. But remember, you lost her trust. For a woman the worst thing a man could do is cheat on her. So she probably thinks that you and only you should be getting help. Tell her that you need her help to completely fix the situation. Tell her you love her and want to be with her. However, if there is any chance that you think you will do this again (think why you cheated in the first place. was there something else wrong with the marriage you aren't addressing) don't put her through it all over again.
2006-07-21 04:10:31 · answer #1 · answered by LadyD1019 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she does not need help .. you do .. If my husband EVER went out side of our marriage I would never sleep with him again .. I would file for DIVORCE the next day .. when you are married , their is NO reason for messing around .. I don't care what the reason .. you are lucky she has not left you . she will never get over the feeling of the hurt you caaused her .. no matter if she went to counseling or not . there is no thing you or any one else can do to take that pain in heart away .. If you loved her like you say you do you would of never did what you did to her .. men or women if you cheat , you have every thing coming to you .. before you cheat think about this " how would I feel if he/she did this to me " " do I really want to cause the person I LOVE this much pain "
2006-07-21 12:31:03 · answer #2 · answered by blueflowerscs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well.. you made the decision to go outside the marriage. Its up to her as to when she forgives IF she forgives you. All you can do is keep showing her you love her and are truly sorry for breaking the trust she had in you FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES! And if she keeps holding out on sex then its your pennance for the adultery. Its a small price to pay..considering the old price was death by stoning!
Best wishes!
2006-07-21 13:57:11 · answer #3 · answered by AccountableLady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it happened to you then you would know what it feels like and you too would hold out for a long time to trust you to have sex again.This takes time and if your marriage is worth saving then take the time and get back on track.Good luck!
2006-07-21 11:07:53 · answer #4 · answered by sherell212004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
glad you are in counseling...my husband went outside our marriage, too. i want to go to counseling, he doesn't. i am not holding out on sex, either, which has nothing to do with forgiveness. i am mad as hell, but i have needs and i still love him. you need to talk to her. one year is a looooooong time. maybe she doesnt want to be with you, maybe it is too much. an affair is not easy to get over. best of luck.
2006-07-21 11:04:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably feels that you are the one who screwed and you should change, not her. Also since you haven't had sex in that long I would say that she is punishing you an dhas not forgiven you for your indiscretion. But remember these are the consquences for your actions, and if you didn't wnat to deal with them then you shouldn't have cheated. Now you jsut have to suck it up and deal with it until she decides to come around, if she ever does.
2006-07-21 11:02:43 · answer #6 · answered by heatherdrake2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does she need to get help, she's not the one that stepped out of the marriage. You're lucky she's even still with you. I would/will never stay with a guy that cheats on me. EVER.
2006-07-21 11:02:49 · answer #7 · answered by purpleama456 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe cheating is something she can not forgive. you probably destroyed her self esteem when you went outside your marriage and she is trying to cope with that as well. you should have an open honest discussion with her and find out what all is bothering her. if she can't tell you to your face, maybe she can write it to you in a letter. when she does tell you, take her comments seriously and do some major work to restore her self image.
2006-07-21 11:04:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
cuz it's like u said she cant forgive u just yet...... That take alot of time......... And if she not ready or just doesn't want to forgive you then maybe u should judt end the marriage.... cuz it'll be piontless to continue in something like that...........
2006-07-21 11:03:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she really doesn't love you anymore i suggest you talk to her and see where you both are going.
2006-07-21 11:11:22 · answer #10 · answered by mimismom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋