My fiance owns his own business and I worked for him for about a year doing his secraterial and book keeping, after awhile us working together was causing us problems with our relationship. Now I work for a diffrent company and I process mortgages, My fiance wants me to come back to work for him which I want to put I also am very happy with my job, If I dont he will have to hire a new secratery and it makes me alittle nervous because she will be working from the office in our home , alone with my fiance, he is very professional and has had women work for him before,What should I do???
2006-07-21 03:55:54 · 62 answers · asked by italianprincess_fl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I want to thank each and everyone of you who answered.. Im going to keep my job and help my fiance out as much as I can until he finds someone and Im going to work with him on who we choose ecspecialy if she works in our home, we defenitly dont want a homewrecker or a theif..You guys are great thank you
2006-07-21 06:30:26 · update #1
wow! i would go back if you dont want your husband to have an affair.
2006-07-21 03:59:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm wondering what the problems were you had while working together. It takes a very strong relationship to spend that kind of time together, especially when your partner is "your boss". It can cause all kinds of stressors in your relationship. It sure is hard to leave work at the office, let alone have the office, the work, and the boss there too when they are in your own home. Ask yourself how your relationship has changed since you have had a job outside of the relationship and what will be different this time should you decide to go back to work for him. Is it a matter of trusting him with another woman, or having another woman in your home when you are not there. I also wonder what the dynamics will be when you decide to have children. If you have trust issues with him maybe you should be examining the basis of your relationship. Perhaps you could suggest an office outside of your home. More of an expense, but isn't making his future wife more comfortable with the situation a huge plus? This sure is a tricky one, I'll give you that! I would definitely suggest talking about it openly and honestly. After all this is your lifelong partner, lover, confidant, and best friend in the whole world...right?
2006-07-21 04:17:23 · answer #2 · answered by Kristine C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, never work for or with your partner(s) when you are in a serious relationship, such as your case.
Second, if you are happy with what you do, then your fiance should also be happy for you. If he is asking you to come to work for him because he wants to be happy then, that's not what a person who loves you does, as he is only thinking of his best interest.
Third, if he needs to have a Secretary then agree that you will find the person. So long as you can agree with him that you can select the person, you will find him the best possible person that will be able to do the job needed as needs be done. Who says that it needs to be a woman, maybe a man, a gay man or even a gay woman! Wouldn't that be a great surprise.
Fourth, make sure that you outline the time that people are allowed to be in your home. Say, 8 to 5 or 10 to 4 and your fiance can give them work to do outside of the home such as errands or mail drop offs.
Fifth, consider an employment contract rather than a direct hire situation. This will obligate the employee and also your fiance to be as professional as possible. If you had the contract read that he understands the importance of a harrassment/ hostile free working enviornment then it may deter him from making bad choices and decisions with respect to his professional attitudes.
I hope that I've been some help. I have been married for 25 years and my husband and I have owned businesses in the past. There were many times when I thought that I just wanted to choke him, but we divised certain guidelines when doing business.
2006-07-21 04:16:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not at all uncommon for couples in very healthy relationships to not be able to work together. It basically means you have absolutely no time to miss each other, and it can become very difficult to turn off the work relationship when the work day is over...so you basically deal with the stress of work for every waking hour.
So don't feel bad about your mutual decision for you to work elsewhere. Unless your relationship has significantly changed in the areas effected by the earlier "working together" period, I would be hesitant to go back to that arrangement. Talk to your fiance about your concerns.
That's an entirely different situation than having another woman spending all day with your fiance IN YOUR HOME. I think that's a very, very dangerous recipe. It has nothing to do with your fiance being (or not being) of a cheating inclination - it's just that he's a man, he's not infallible, he's not above temptation. Sure, if she turns out to be a matronly 60-year old grandma, that's one thing. But if she ends up to be a Brooke Burke lookalike (if you don't know who she is, google her), you could be brewing a cocktail for heartache. At the very least, the worry and suspicion in your heart will make you sick and (less important) degrade your job performance at the mortgage company.
What's to say he can't hire a male secretary?
2006-07-21 04:03:23 · answer #4 · answered by Timothy W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What i can say is this. You hit the nail on the head when you said that while you worked for him it was causing problems with your relationship so you got a job were you are happy.
Don't leave your job and move back with him as it will just cause the same problems and you will be back to square one with him.
I know that you are worried about him cheating with this girl alone in your house. You have an opportunity right now as well as peace of mind and some Independence in your new job.
No matter how much you love this man, he is not worth your peace of mind and well being. I can't tell you what to do as this is some thing you alone can make. If you two were having trouble already working together. What make you think it will not happen again ?
Hope my comments help
2006-07-21 04:11:54 · answer #5 · answered by Premio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you can trust him or if you are really worried go back and work for him. Maybe this time around you will become closer with him and make your realationship even stronger.
Just do what you feel is right inside and whatever happens, happens for a reason. The new secratery could grow to become a very dear friend.
Anyway good luck and deep down you know what you have to do!!
2006-07-21 04:02:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sounds like your scared to start that all over again. So I would just tell him that the last time you guys worked together it put strain on your relationship. So you would rather not. Maybe offer to find and interview the new secratery for him? Then you can pick the ugliest chick lol.
2006-07-21 04:01:31 · answer #7 · answered by browneyegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're happy at your new job and doing well there, and you had problems when you were working with your fiance before, you might want to stay where you're at. You say he's professional and it seems to me you trust him, so I wouldn't worry about that. You can offer to help him find someone suitable and trustworthy (and perhaps kind of ugly...LOL) to work for him. It's very hard to work with the person you're involved with and if you were having problems there, this will help keep the office space from getting in the way. Good luck.
2006-07-21 03:59:00 · answer #8 · answered by SuperJenn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
... I once worked with a girlfriend... It doesn’t make for a healthy relationship... Especially when you are living together... We all need some "me" time... And you can’t have that when you are waking up next to each other, working with each other, eating dinner with each other and going to sleep with each other... The best thing that ever happened to your relationship was you getting a job somewhere else... The bigger question I have for you though, is why would you be worried that your fiancé will cheat on you with the new secretary? If it’s because you can’t trust him are you sure you want to be marrying the person?
2006-07-21 04:41:43 · answer #9 · answered by tfer1974 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you don't trust him. If you go back and work for him and things do not work out you will blame him for you not having the success/freedom that you want. If he is truly a professional why fear the new secretary? Why compromise your happiness with your new job? Has anything changed that leads you to believe that working together again won't put a strain on your relationship?
2006-07-21 04:04:28 · answer #10 · answered by KELLY S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know that working for him causes problems in your relationship with him. So, continue to work at the job that you love and allow him to hire a new secretary. In your relationship if it's gonna work you need to have trust so trust that things will work out. Think about the good aspects weigh the pros and cons of the situation and use your better judgement...good luck.
2006-07-21 04:02:06 · answer #11 · answered by BaBy K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋