It shouldn't be a green joke.. I don't wanna read about Boy Bastos.. hehe.. The funniest joke would earn 10 points! ^_^
2006-07-21 03:54:06 · 11 answers · asked by Black_Rabbit 3 in Travel ➔ Asia Pacific ➔ Philippines
*******************************************************
Mom: baby, you're good in math. Now I'm going to ask you a question.
Baby: sure mom
Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4 apples, what's your answer?
Baby: thank you po!!!
********************************************************
BF: may malaki ako problema.
GF: wag mo sabihin problema mo lang problema natin dahil nagmamahalan tayo. ngayon ano problema natin?
BF: nabuntis natin si inday at tayo ang ama
*********************************************************
"There what it takes to be. Then we shall so be it because it is. To do or not to is in the what, now or what else. Without which there never to you!" - words of wisdom from Senator Lito Lapid.
*********************************************************
Pare1: pare parang malalim ang iniisip mo!
Pare2: nanaginip ako kagabi kasama ko 50 contestants ng Ms. Universe
Pare1: swerte mo! ano problema mo?
Pare2: pare ako nanalo!
*********************************************************
Killer: father mangungumpisal po ako
Father: ano kasalanan mo?
Killer: pumatay po ako ng 20 tao
Father: bakit?
Killer: kasi po naniniwala sila sa Diyos, kayo po naniniwala ba?
Father: dati...pero ngayon trip trip na lang
*********************************************************
Patient: doc takot po ako sa bunot
Dentist: eto gamot pampatapang ng loob
Patient: (ininom ang gamot)
Dentist: ano matapang ka na ba?
Patient: oo doc! puta pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko basag ang bungo!
*********************************************************
Passenger taps taxi driver's shoulder...
WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! screamed the driver...
Passenger: bakit ka sumigaw?
Driver: sorry bossing bago lang kasi ako sa taxi. 25 years po kasi ako driver ng funenaria
**********************************************************
1 panget na babe, hinoholdap
Holdaper: holdap ito! akin na gamit mo!
Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!
Holdaper: anong rape? holdap nga to eh!
Babae: wala lang! nagsusuggest lang...
*********************************************************
In a pet shop...
Customer talking to a parrot...
Customer: hoy! can you talk ha?! bobo!!!
Parrot: yes i can!!! ikaw?! can you fly ha? GAGO!!!
**********************************************************
Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula sa letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable?
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige siret na!
Bobo: ANEST wehehe!!!
************************************************************
Farmer: lalaki na talaga ang aking anak kasi magsasaka na...ano ang balak mo itanim sa sakahan mo anak? Anak: flowers papa!!! madaming madaming flowers! pretty diba?! ||
***************************************************************
Ex- DSL Agent: During the last days in DSL
Agent: Sir let's shut down your computer and turn it back on tomorrow,probably your computer is just confuse right now.
Eu: Ahh Okay. I'll just turn it back tomorrow when I wake up?
Agent: Okay, that's good.
Eu: Thank you so much, you're such a big help.
2006-07-27 05:05:00 · answer #1 · answered by slayer0522 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Many of the problems you may be facing could be just the tip of the iceberg on what is really happening in your marriage. I dont mean to scare you but many problems when they either first show up or if they keep reoccurring could be just whats showing from a larger problem that either you or your spouse cannot even see. One of the only things you can do to help is to talk honestly and openly with each other in the marriage. If things become more serious more serious options need to be looked at as possibilities. I have a blog that has more information on some of what I've been writing about. If you feel like checking it out I would completly suggest it. Read here https://tr.im/AHfQR
Love is a choice that is made everyday when you wake up and every night when you go to sleep. Some days you may not feel the original feeling but love isnt a feeling or an emotion. Its an action a verb. Falling out of love may just mean you need to spice things up a little or that you were never in love in the first place. Don't just get out of a marriage just because you don't think you like the person anymore.
2016-07-18 21:24:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a true story...... mag-ingat kayo while driving alone
My friend was going home to Manila and was traversing a stretch of road na madilim, then it happened, tumirik bigla yung kotse for no apparent reason. Checked the gas gauge, half filled naman, no other engine malfunction sa gauges. Basta the car just "died" on him.
Nearby was this acacia tree so he decided na mag jingle muna, then he heard a, "psssttt, halika dito." There he saw this very old man. Medyo natakot and nagulat siya, kasi nanlilisik yung mga mata, mahaba ang buhok, mukhang ermitanyo.
Tinawag siya and he saw the old man was carrying a book. At first hesitant, pero there was this force urging him to come over.
When he came over, the old m an handed him the book, para lang siyang pocket book, but colored black. The old man then told him that he has to pay for it, 700 pesos daw. Thinking that he still needs money to have his car fixed, siyempre ayaw niyang tanggapin yung book. Pero nanlisik lalo yung mata nung matanda at pinipilit siyang bayaran yung book. Dahil sa takot,binayaran din niya yung libro. After paying for it, sabi sa kanya na huwag na huwag niyang titignan yung last page ng libro, or he will regret it.
He wanted to ask for directions, but the old man started walking towards the darker part of the fields, and biglang nawala. Luckily may bus na dumaan and he asked to be brought down sa bayan. There he looked for a place to spend the night, para balikan yung car niya the next day.
In his room, he couldn't sleep, and remembered the book he bought for 700 pesos, kaya kinuha niya ito and read it. It was about the supernatural and engkantos. He had read a chapter na rin and was feeling sleepy, so tinabi niya sa side table. Then he remembered yung sinabi nung matanda about the last page. He was undecided at the same time natatakot dun sa warning nung matanda about opening to the last page. So he gathered enough courage to open it to the last page, opened his eyes and got the shock of his life.
(note not my story)
2006-07-22 18:47:15 · answer #3 · answered by JepJep92 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Student: nahuling may kodigo
Titser: Ano to?
Student: Prayer ko po ma'am
Titser:At bakit answers ang naka-sulat?
Student: Naku! Sinagot na ang Prayers ko!
2006-07-22 21:26:05 · answer #4 · answered by mikee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May isang langgam na dumapo sa tenga ng elepante. May ibinulong ito. Hinimatay ang elepante. Ano ang ibinulong ng langgam? Buntis ako! Ikaw ang ama.
2006-07-23 18:52:53 · answer #5 · answered by ladybee501 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Texting lets you control the tone and establish what kind of conversation you want to have. Learn here https://tr.im/l9RIB
This is probably the most important part. With texting, you can stop and think about what you want to say to your ex at each step of the way. Instead of reacting emotionally, you can take your time, figure out the right thing to say (I’ll give you most of it), and be strategic with your ex without saying something that you’ll regret.
2016-04-26 18:01:33 · answer #6 · answered by shavonda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Meron isang magnanakaw pumasok sa bahay.
Magnanakaw : wag kang sisigaw kundi mamatay ka ...labas mo ang mga alahas mo dali
Babae may ari nang bahay: (sigaw) RAPE! RAPE!
Magnanakaw: Anong rape ang sinisigaw mo eh magnanakaw ako noh
Babae: nag susuggest lang naman
2006-07-26 17:16:25 · answer #7 · answered by amber200271 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to prevent the explosion ng philippine population while adhering to th religuous' mantra of natural contracepion, couples are adviced to practice abstinence. magsisiping na lang sila sa days of the week na meron letter "S". that means pedi sila magsiping every: Saturday, Sunday, luneS, marteS, miyerkuleS, huwebeS, at biyerneS!
2006-07-21 04:18:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
2006-07-28 01:17:33 · answer #9 · answered by VBACCESSpert 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES ...
Along a highway in Pampanga: "WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"
On a self-service restaurant in Cebu: "PLEASE HELP OUR COMFORT ROOM CLEAN"
In a Baguio grocery: "FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE"
In Cubao: "NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"
Along Luneta Boulevard: "BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD"
On Jeepney and Bus signs: "BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON BEFORE GET THE OFF"
On a flower shop in Rizal Avenue : "WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS"
On a delivery truck: "NOT FOR HERE"
On window of a restaurant in Baguio : "WANTED: BOY WAITRESS"
On a street in San Juan : "BAWAL MAGTAPON NG BINALOT NA TAE RITO"
A grafitti inside the cubicle of a ladies' C.R. in a university: "PLEASE DON'T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE A QUEEN."
At a men's comfort room, above a urinal:
"HAWAK MO ANG KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN"
At a construction site in Mandaluyong:
"BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG"
Somewhere along San Andres:
"NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS"
Vacant lot near Makati Ave.:
"DON'T PARKING"
At an eatery in Cebu:
"WE HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!"
On a building somewhere in the Philippines...
"NOTARY PUBLIC TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA KUNG LINGGO"
2006-07-21 10:37:11 · answer #10 · answered by Promdi® 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋