My sister-in-law is married to a jerk. She knew this BEFORE she married him but she settled and is miserable. They have a big house and 2 kids but he is mean to her and not that nice to the girls. I want to say something but my father-in-law says good Christians turn the other cheek. He doesn't even protect his own daughter! You can be a good Christian and stand up for yourself and those around you can't you?
2006-07-21 03:49:11 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
kj - my Dad would have protected me too (as well as other relatives) that's why my father-in-law's reaction to this stuns me. When God blesses you with children he leaves them in your care to protect them from harm. I do not think it is being a bad Christian to protect your family. My father-in-law said I was brought up bad for not turning the other cheek. That hurt. My parents are awesome and would have taken on an army for me...I felt secure. Kids need that! I have much self-confidence today because I was brought up the way I was!
2006-07-21 07:10:04 · update #1
you can say everything you need to say but in the end it has to be her choice to leave him or make him a better person i feel if you really have something to say just say it hopfully she doesnt hate you for interfering in her marriage
2006-07-21 03:52:29 · answer #1 · answered by barbie c 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's one thing to be a good Christian and turn the other cheek, but it's something else entirely when the situation reaches abuse. This one seems to have reached that stage. You, however, could be on "touchy ground" by mixing in, and it could put your relationship with your sister-in-law in jeopardy. If she is really as miserable as you seem to think she is, SHE is going to have to decide to do something about it. But it's going to have to be HER decision. She may be staying with the thought it would be better for their daughters to have their father there -- if that's the case she needs to realize that her daughters would be better off in a loving household even if there is only one parent present. Staying and putting up with it will only teach them that is the normal way to live and they could end up in the exact same situation when they get older. All YOU can do is be her friend, be there to listen to her issues and give her a shoulder to lean on, and be the "voice of reason". Maybe she will tell you why she hasn't left him.....there could be a number of different things going on her head right now. You can tell her your views, but don't beat her over the head with them. She's going to have to make her own decision.
I'm kinda surprised at her father though. I come from good Christian family, but if that had been me I know MY dad would have kicked his rusty A**! And there would have been a few uncles and cousins waiting in line for their turn.
2006-07-21 04:32:37 · answer #2 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your friend is the one that knew it before she "settled" for him. Good Christians love and protect one another...not just turn their backs. If you have something to say, I would advise you to say it. However, watch what words you choose. This may only make the jerk even worse. It sounds to me like your friend settled for this jerk because of all the verbal abuse...he lowered her self-esteem to the point that she thinks she can't do any better then him. Reassure your friend and be by her side but it will be her choice on what to do with the jerk. You can get a divorce and a protection order just as easy as you can get married to a jerk. Good luck!
2006-07-21 04:00:08 · answer #3 · answered by kimpierce76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to your sister in law and find out what she really wants to do. If your sister in law is ready for him to stop then the next time he is abusive while you are around you could call the police - but you must be ready for the consequences. It is always hard to watch a person in an abusive relationship - but until they are ready for it to stop there is no much you can do other than support that person. Maybe once he has been arrested he might seek change. Stand by your sister in law and be a good friend.
2006-07-21 03:58:36 · answer #4 · answered by middle aged and love it 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a difference between turning the other cheek and being abused. People tend to think that if you are a Christian you have to be weak...people tend to confuse weak for MEAK though.
Meak - enduring injury with patience and without resentment
She is married to this man. She shouldn't resent him, but she should also not just sit there and let him keep doing it. If it were just some guy on the street just mouthing off to her, then yeah... turn the other cheek... ignore it. But this man is supposed to LOVE and SUPPORT her... not tear her down.
"Good Christians" would want to make sure that your sister and her kids have a decent home to live in... I'm not talking divorce.... that's just an easy out for everyone now adays. I'm talking they need to go to counseling of some sort. I would talk to your sister about it.
2006-07-21 03:56:40 · answer #5 · answered by Peter M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a really tough spot. Though I disagree with the reason your father-in-law gave you, I agree that you shouldn't get involved.
If you say something about this to your sister, and she disagrees with you, then you risk alienating her for a long time. If you report the guy to Child Protective Services, then she could lose her kids. If the husband gets wind that you are bad-mouthing him, he could take it out on your sister and the kids.
It's hard to see someone you love get treated poorly, but it's hard to get involved without making a bigger mess sometimes.
If your sister complains to you about her marriage, that is the time to get involved. Without accusing, ask her why she stays with someone like him. Ask her if she wants her kids to continue to be treated that way.
Otherwise, getting involved will only lead to more and bigger problems, no matter how much you want to help. I know this from experience.
Exception: If you see physical abuse towards the kids or your sister, you have to step in. The problems that it would cause would be outweighed by the safety of your sis and her kids.
2006-07-21 03:56:35 · answer #6 · answered by Monkeypup 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a good christian will advise and councel someone who is arguing or needs help. i say you should say something to her, talk to your sister in law and see what she says.have her brother do it, you both go down there and talk to her and let her know that you are there for her and will help her get out of this unhealthy relationship. it is not for the kids or for her, she will get hurt or she may evn be geting physical abuse from her husband, i say you should leave her and dont look back.dont listen to your father in law, do the right thing.good luck.
2006-07-21 04:00:59 · answer #7 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God doesn't want us to be belittled. But it's sad cause I know how you feel. You can try to talk to her in a loving way without talking down on him if and when she asks or talks about it to you. Don't get it the middle, pray for them. It has to do with his childhood for the reason he reacts towards her and their kids. He was either abused, neglected, or watched abuse towards his family/parent(s). Just pray for them and their kids.
2006-07-21 03:56:43 · answer #8 · answered by thisisme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am not a christian, however, I would say something. If nothing else, point out to her that this environment isn't healthy for her girls. Does she want them to think this is "normal" and grow up to marry someone just like dad?
2006-07-21 03:52:38 · answer #9 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can! Your sister-in-law is the weaker sex. I hope that he is not doing this in front of the kids. If so, you can step in saying that it's for the children.
2006-07-21 03:52:53 · answer #10 · answered by Mommymonster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes definitely intervene if at all possible, many abused women have been killed by there abusers just because someone decided not to get involved. intervention can be very helpful and if he see,s your helping her out maybe he'll take notice and back off.
2006-07-21 03:58:13 · answer #11 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋