smooth. You have an amazing everything, then that person starts to change, and says they don't even know why they are acting a certain way. I keep having thoughts of just throwing in the towel. But then I remember love is a choice not a feeling. What else is there to do?
2006-07-21 03:43:12 · 9 answers · asked by thisisme 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Everyone changes over time. That's why marraige when you are young runs such risk. As we grow, our values change. Sometimes that makes us grow apart. Sometimes we grow together.
As we make choices in life we gain some things, and lose others. Take one path, we cannot take another. Having you means he cannot have any other (the same applies to you). Buying one house means you don't buy the other one. One job means not having another career.
Your husband is experiencing grief. A sense of loss of the things he cannot have because of the things he has. He may not regret marrying you, having his job, driving his car, whatever... but he is grieving over the loss of what he cannot have because of what he does. We all go through this. The joys in life typically overshadow our grief, but we all experience it. Daily. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. You experience this too.
If you want to help him through this; to grow together instead of apart, show him how valuable the things he has really are. How wonderful his life is, or could be, if he just let it. If you want him to think you're the most wonderful woman he could ever marry, then BE the most wonderful woman he could ever marry...
I will give you a clue; an insight into men. We get our sense of self esteem from two areas, and only two. Everything else we do, we do to compensate for a sense of inadequacy in these two areas. The first is career (symbolizing success in the struggle for survival). The second is sex (symbolizing success in the struggle for procreation). Both bring respect from our male peers in our struggle for "dominance". Both make us more attractive to our "significant females".
Men will always seek out ways to boost their self esteem. Sometimes that behavior is healthy, sometimes it is destructive. But we will always, ALWAYS, act to increase our self esteem. If you want him to be content.... to seek out a stronger relationship with you... then be the focus of his self esteem. With you, let him feel that he is the "mighty hunter" and great provider. That you trust him to support and defend you. With you, let him feel that he is the great lover, the amazing male. If he gets his sense of self esteem from you guess what? He will seek you out. If you damage his self esteem... demean his abilities as a provider and a lover, he will seek out that self esteem somewhere else.
2006-07-21 04:02:10 · answer #1 · answered by antirion 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have had this experience.
I suggest you both go talk to someone, a third party, who can help open, redirect and fruitfully refresh your communication. For instance, going to a counselor for a small problem (before it gets really big) is better than going after a big blow up.
My ex, I found out, had changed behavior for a very good reason. X was unable to muster up the courage to tell me the reason, and this went on and eventually destroyed us. I hope that does not happen to you. X refused to go to counseling, and I took that as a bad sign, as a way of saying "I don't care enough to go to counseling" and "I am too proud, and I will not compromise on my pride and go to counseling".
Certainly there are other ways, but I don't know them. Counseling is no guarantee either, but it is one way. Sometimes there are free sessions at local colleges with student practitioners that are monitored by professors.
Good luck to you.
2006-07-21 03:53:09 · answer #2 · answered by twentyfourseven 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change your way of thinking, love isn't a choice, it's an action. Something may be going on with that person, try to find out what it is and help them. People don't change after marriage, they just don't supress their true character as much and it shows.
2006-07-21 03:51:29 · answer #3 · answered by TexasBoy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the change and what you may or may not contributed to it. We all change in our life. Work, kids and the fact we're not "in lust" anymore. You have to focus on "in love" now. What are you missing. Try and connect somehow to your man. Sex is always a good thing but work toward his interests and try to help in his problems...always remember that ne typically don't like to have help in problems...but try.
Check out the following website. It can answer your questions much better than I can. It also can give you a "bird's eye" view into a guy's psyche.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good luck
2006-07-21 03:57:53 · answer #4 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
baby girl, yes. it happened to me. i tried to understand it. back then i tried everything to make it works. but in the end, i wasn't being true to myself. we fought a lot and we both weren't happy. after clearing my head, and see the whole situation from out side looking in. then i realize that i can't do it any longer. it only belittled myself. so we called it quit.
2006-07-21 03:48:55 · answer #5 · answered by harmony 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I'm going through that right now.
2006-07-21 03:56:55 · answer #6 · answered by ntoriano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have some faith. They may be acting different, but u still love them don't u??
2006-07-21 03:56:57 · answer #7 · answered by Julie G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counselling and if all else fails, leave.
2006-07-21 05:16:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yep im their good guy but strange
2006-07-21 03:51:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋