Has anybody ever got over their partner's affair and therefore gone forwards with them?

Question

I am really struggling with this. I found out 2 1/2 years ago and today is no better than the day I found out.

Answer 1

If after 2 1/2 years you still feel as bad, perhaps it's time to end the relationship.

2 1/2 years is a very long time to be unhappy and life is short.

Answer 2

Personally, I believe that trust is just as important in a relationship as love is. If I ever lost that trust, I would have to leave him, no matter how strong my love still was. I would always be suspicious every time we were apart, for whatever reason, even at work. My past experience (with a former husband) is that if you forgive them & try to 'get over it', they think they have gotten away with it & can repeat their affairs. Some men think that if you love them you will tolerate their bad behaviour, but if they truly loved you, they wouldn't behave this way. I think that people have affairs when all is not right within their own relationship; maybe they don't love their partner any more or are dissatisfied with something. In which case, if they cannot talk about it & put it right with their partner, they should leave and not deceive. Good Luck, whatever you decide to do.

Answer 3

I don't think you can ever get over something as big as your partner having an affair. You simply learn to live with the occasional issues this might bring up and move on with your life. You can't expect yourself to forget what happened, that's impossible. Your partner betrayed you in the most awful way but with time and understanding, the relationship can go on.

My mum had an affair a couple of years ago. My dad found out after she's been seeing the other man for a year. She left and moved in with the other man but as usual, the Grass was not greener on the other side and she came home. My dad was destroyed as you can imagine but the way he viewed it was that they have had nearly 30 years of happiness so what do two bad years mean int he scheme of things. They're happier than ever now. But I very much doubt my dad has got over what happened, he has just learned to adapt and move on.

If you feel that this is making you unhappy affecting your relationship still after nearly three years, I'd day I don't think you are going to get over this. i know sometimes it might feel like its the easier and safer option to stay with him but you have to think about your long term happiness with this man. It might be worth taking some time out for yourself, go away for a couple of days or go to stay with a friend just to get things into perspective and find out how you really feel about your partner.

Answer 4

An ex had an affair with his ex and the only reason i found out was because he got his girlfriend pregnant. we did stay together for a little bit but i just couldn't forgive him and would bring it up every time i was in a bad mood or just wanted a fight.
If after all this time it still hurts you it may be time to have a long hard think about leaving him.
Some people have worked thro affairs and became a stronger couple for it but this does not work for everyone.
Good luck and take care x

Answer 5

It hasn't happened to me and I don't know of a woman who was able to make a successful go of a marriage after an affair. Actually I'm not at all surprised about how you feel. You know, whatever other people do is of no consequence. You have to live your life and do what's right for you. If there are people out there who managed to get over it, does that mean that you can and will? not at all.
If, after 2.5 years, it still feels like yesterday, then think about how much more time you want to invest being unhappy. The fact that he did it will not change, ever.

Answer 6

I personally never got over his affair and it ended in divorce.It ate away at me ,always thinking and comparing myself with her.I had taken him back after it ,but the trust had gone and I spent 4 miserable years more with him,just for the sake of the children.I should not have had him back,because he did`nt even try to make amends and I found myself taking it out on the children.The sad fact is there can be no trust again,because you always wonder where they are or who they`re with.It made me resentful and I grew to hate him for it.So I ended it and asked him to leave.At first he screamed and cried and begged me to change my mind,but I stood my ground and he left.It was the best thing as I found out that he had not stopped seeing her.2yrs later I met a man through an ad in a magazine and we have been happily married now for 5yrs and my kids love him (I have been very lucky). I had been married for 24yrs to my previous husband and it all seemed to be a lie.If you still feel numb after two and a half yrs maybe it`s time for you to let go and move on,there is someone out there for everyone and that someone will be better.Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Answer 7

yeah when my husband and i were first dating he cheated on me i was stupid and did it back. we both delt with the problem and moved on.. the thing to do is not to think about it. We had LONG talks about why we did what we did and what we were missing and that we would never do that ever again and just built the trust up again.. we were only together 7 months when that happened so it was still new and it would brake most people up. but i knew that he was meant for me.. and it just took him longer to realize that i was meant for him.. it usually takes men longer to figure that stuff out.. We dated for 4 years before we got married been married 1 and i am glad everyday that i did not just leave him and write him off. i always thought well we are not married so he is not mine.. he is not mine til we are married... but now since we are married if he ever cheated on me i would probably kill him and chop him to pieces..lol

Seriously what i think you should do since you can not get over it so easy.. after 2 1/2 years.. i would go to counseling. they have free counseling depending on income. and even if you have to pay for it .. it would be so worth it.. you love the person and you need help to over come what has happened. You have to realize that you are a great person and Ur partner realizes that because you are still together!.. Counsling is the best thing because you will be able to talk about it and talking is the best thing.
And talking to him and telling him what you feel is just going to make him mad that you still did not drop it. you will learn to forgive.

Answer 8

Hey sad lady, I'm sad too, my husband been chatting to 17 year old on-line then flew to Dublin to 'chat' with her a couple days ago, he wasn't about to tell me and I had to get my own evidence before he would admit he saw her. I think it's possible to get over this, so I would say you can too. We are going for counselling and my elders at church prayed and God told them we will one day be free of all this pain and baggage, can't wait for that day....in the meantime, have you tried counselling, it's not my favourite idea but I have no others. Eventually you may just have to forgive him or you will drive him further away. If he's still with you after all this time, it's probably a good sign, don't throw away something that might be good again one day. I'll pray for you too, ok?

Answer 9

Probably not. It will always bother you. If you don't have kids then dump the partner. You can find someone else who has the fidelity to carry a normal relationship. If you have kids then you either "suck the egg" until the kids are grown or leav him now. Divorce laws are wieghted for the woman. YOu cna make out well in court if you have children. Your first consideration should be their welfare.

Check out the following website. It can answer your questions much better than I can. It also can give you a "bird's eye" view into a guy's psyche.

http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

Answer 10

My ex g/f cheated on me. We loved eachother a lot but then I had to relocate because of my work. We kept in touch for about 1 year and during that time I tried to move closer to her. It wasn't until a little after a year I found out that she cheated on me and was seeing this guy she met in a traffice accident!! I was so depressed because I thought we were perfect for eachother. My adivce is to focus on something else. Whether it be your job or school. Time is a great healer. Your feelings will fade. Don't ponder about it all the time. Move on and love yourself. There are plenty of good peopel out there, I'm sure your time will come again. Use it as experience for your future relationships.