My brother-in-law had been sexually harassing the babysitters (girls ages 14-19), and he gets away with it!!!?

Question

My sister does not believe that her husband is probably mentally sick. His mom thinks he's a drug user, but she hasn't done anything. How do I convince my sister? When I told her about it, she dismissed it by saying that she does not want to raise their child fatherless!!!
The babysitters are too ashamed to talk about it with her so I really can not substantiate my claim. But they all testified (to my mom) that they were "attacked". Meanwhile, my mom is too afraid that she might never see her grandchild again IF she tells my sister about it!

Answer 1

I was in a similar situation when my bro-in law tried to make a move on me. Do I tell? Would she believe me? What about the kids?

What I realized is that you have a loyalty to your sister, and to her children. It isn't right for her to not know something that might potentially change her future for the better. I say "better" because that outcome is far more likely than if she were to stay in this marriage.

Lets say that you don't tell her, do you really want your neice/nephew raised with what many consider deviant sexual behavior? Even if he doesn't molest his child, he is teaching very strong behavior model to his children. Do you want them to have more children together?

It is possible that your sister is just trying to convince herself that she can make it work, it isn't that big of mistake... sometimes pride gets in the way.

What I suggest to you is to tell her and acknowledge that it is hard to hear, and that her solutions are just as hard. Tell her you aren't judging but that you care about her and her child and that you don't feel he is going to change. Float this possibility to her: You could spend the rest of your life (giving up the best years of your health, your youth, your interests, not to mention your children's childhood) trying to make things work with this man and not admit he's a weirdo while all the while people wonder why you are doing this. Or you could make a very drastic, brave, but difficult choice and leave, raise your child and have faith that your own strength will bring you happiness. It is very likely that she will meet someone else far better, but only if she insists on a standard of behavior and respect from those people in her life and the lives of her children.

Sorry I'm so long winded but my sister was in a very similar situation.

Answer 2

He HAS to be stopped. You MUST turn him in. Like one of the above said, he didn't ask for permission to harass anyone. You don't need permission to do the right thing. If your sister is worried about raising her kids fatherless, she should consider raising them with a pervert. Or will Family Services take them away from BOTH of them because she knew and did nothing about it?
See if you can't get all the sitters together and plead with them to go to the police with you. If they do not, go alone. Be the one to do the right thing. The police can then talk to the babysitters themselves and see what happens.
If he's at least investigated for his perversion with his babysitters perhaps word will get around and no one will babysit anymore.
My best friend was molested by the dad of the two kids she babysat all the time. (Back in the 70's!) She didn't tell anyone (but me) because she was actually more afraid for her dad. He would have killed the looser and then been in prison and she wouldn't do that.
You MUST tell someone in authority! TODAY.

Answer 3

then you have to do something if mom wont, tell the police, make an annoynomus call. talk to the babysitters or tell thier parents, why dont you go over there when the kids have a babysitrter and see what he does. why does she have a baby sitter if he is there, cant he watch the kids? if he doesnt watch the kids, the kids are already fatherless.why cant he watch the kids?she will be fatherless if he is in jail for abusing one of these girls. i think something should be done, why do these girls have to go thru this just to make a lil extra money.i say you do something now. call the cops on him, let these parents know about what their daughter is having to deal with.hey you might find out that he is abusing one of his own kids too. get him out of this family now and have someone talk to your sister, she thinks this is ok, but once she finds out it might be happening to one of her kids she might change her mind.good luck.

Answer 4

If your sister chooses to stay with a sexual deviant who uses drugs, her child will be the one to suffer. Everyone is so wrapped up in what they want, nobody is thinking about the baby and the kind of life it has to look forward to with a father like that. There is a huge difference between a sperm donor and a father and just being a male does not make the difference. No matter what the behavior actually involves, this person sounds like a predator just waiting to pounce and someone has to do something other than make excuses and look the other way.

Answer 5

How about telling your sister that one of the girls have told you that she is going to file charges on him and than see her reaction.
If she still does not do anything than you better report that guy! those are just teenagers and if someday he does go all the way than you have more to lose than now! Cuz than for sure that girl will report him... your sister is being ignorant she does not want to believe that her husband is that natured.
As for your mom not seeing her grandchild etc at the moment that child is a baby but those who are getting "attacked" by your brother in law are girls who have a life and they are doing their job they are not there to entertain your brother in law!!
So please do take something about this...those girls are also some ones daughter, sister... do it for them cuz your sister will never support you..
convince those girls to report him that way at least those girls are safe!
Please do the right thing!!

Answer 6

If he is harrassing the underage babysitters, then it is your duty to report him to Child Protective Services and tell them all that you know and you can do it anonymously. They are trained professionals and may be able to get at the truth.

Even though your family might disown you for "ratting on them" if they do figure it out, but you are serving a higher purpose...protecting the innocent from abuse. If he is hitting on underage babysitter, will he stop at that, or abuse his own kids too?

Raising a child fatherless is less emotionally abusive than raising a child with a father that emotionally/physically abused them!

Good luck!

Answer 7

he needs to be reported to the proper authoritys.Whats hes doing is wrong esspecially since they are underaged.The wife your sister needs to open her eyes she says she dosent want to raise her child fatherless would she rather raise the child around a child predator!Beacuse in basic that is what he is.Do the right thing and report him talk to the girls this has happened to and try to get them to file charges and if they dont maybe the girls parents need to be informed whats going on and they can file charges or beat the crap outof him.You sister is sure to be ticked off so be prepared but the life of your niece/nephew is more important and so is the life of the girls that are constantly being harrassed

Answer 8

Install a nanny cam and tape him!!!
also i think you can go to the police and tell them, what you know. if he is harassing the babysitters, there might be more. so i would suggest that you should do something! For the kids sake!!! you never know, if he is doing anything to them. Good luck!

Answer 9

I would make sure the sitters form an alliance never to babysit again. And I would try to convince at least one of them to file charges. Your sisiter will wake up quick, fast, and in a hurry.

Answer 10

the babysitters need to tell their parents and have them call the police .then your sister will see that something is wrong.I have friends like her and they choose to keep the family together even if they have things stolen from them.