my boyfriend was supposed to move away in march but he said he couldnt leave because he didnt want to leave me so he asked me to marry him then he decided he still wanted to move and i didnt want to move so he took back the proposal and is moving anyway! we were looking at apartments together...the whole 9 yards...he convinced me that him staying was a good idea even though i told him he shouldnt stay just for me. he did anyway. how messed up is that?
2006-07-21 03:17:27 · 19 answers · asked by B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
dont you think he should have NOT proposed if he wasnt totally positive he wanted it?
2006-07-21 03:18:11 · update #1
to scubalady: he wasnt offering proposal in exchange for me moving. i told him i didnt want to move and he accepted that, convinced me he wanted to stay here, no matter how much i protested, and then proposed when i finally agreed that he should stay if he wanted. then we DID plan our lives together. for 3 months. and then the asshole changed his mind
2006-07-21 03:30:14 · update #2
He definitely shouldn't have proposed to you. I wouldn't be surprised if he comes back in a few months and begs you to take him back. If I were you, I'd keep right on walking and move on from him. You wouldn't want to marry the guy and a day later he files for divorce. He seems to be quick on the draw - he needs to take more time on his decisions - especially the big, important ones. I am sorry this happened to you, it's got to be hard to deal with it. Best wishes.
2006-07-21 03:28:36 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about this:
My and I broke up because he was unwilling to make a commitment to marriage. Later, he changed his mind, and proposed marriage. Immediately I said yes -- and as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew I had made a mistake. I reversed course and said no the very next day.
I regret the emotional drama and hurt I caused for that crazy day. However, it was the best thing. I didn't want to marry a man who was using a "proposal" as a way to keep me around. If he wanted to marry me, really and truly, I would not have broken up with him. He is a good man, but just not good for me.
My point is this: These things happen, and STOPPING a marriage that is started for the wrong reasons, with a shaky proposal, is the BEST THING.
Yes, he was ABSOLUTELY RIGHT to withdraw his proposal if he was not sure. Consider yourself LUCKY: you now know that he is not the man for you.
I know it stinks now, but believe me, in time, you will agree: your are a fortunate woman for not being with him. Not that he's a bad guy, it's just that he's not the best man For You.
Marriage is a serious thing and should not be proposed on shaky ground.
Good luck.
2006-07-21 10:37:23 · answer #2 · answered by twentyfourseven 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently your boyfriend does not understand the commitment related to a proposal. Better for you to find this out now. Taking back a proposal is just another way of expressing that the wedding is off... your engagement is broken. Now that you know him better, is this really the kind of man you want and deserve? If you have low self-esteem, your answer may be "yes." But if your think more of yourself and want someone to have the same level of commitment that you would like, then you must keep looking for the right man. It's difficult to change... yet it's done by many men and women everyday, and you can do it, too. Good luck.
2006-07-21 10:29:35 · answer #3 · answered by Mike S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not messed up... he was offering marriage in exchange for you moving. Sort of a reward or gesture of goodwill. Actually, you should be happy that he took the proposal back because marriage wasn't really what he wanted. It probably just sounded like the right thing to say at the time. Better you know now than end up married and divorced a few years later.
2006-07-21 10:25:09 · answer #4 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently you or your BF don't have a plan for life. You don't have anything that you could say to the other "this is where I'm going". You guys ar just like plankton (little animals that can't move around in the ocean they just float with the currents).
Make a plan for life (both of you). FInd a desired end-state and then look at each other to see if you will compliment each other in this task.
Remember "If you don't know where you're going..you'll probably end up somewhere else".
Check out the following website. It can answer your questions much better than I can. It also can give you a "bird's eye" view into a guy's psyche.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
2006-07-21 10:25:20 · answer #5 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can led a donkey to the river but you can not make the donkey drink the water!!
well if he took his proposal back than he is not marrying you!! time to break up with his mister selfish person and move on!!
you do not want to find yourself stuck with a guy like this.. he can not keep his own word!! Seems like he was not totally in love with you... he had his heart divided one side was you and the other was him to move... guess moving was more important than being with the one he loves!
any ways its time to find a MAN not a sissy!! Someone who will act upon their words!!!
plenty fish in the pond, don't need to get heartbroken cuz of a jerk!
All the best for the future!
2006-07-21 10:27:27 · answer #6 · answered by Pari 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys get frightened when marriage is mentioned.
For example, my (now ex) boyfriend, who I shared my life with for 7 years got scared and fled at the mention of marriage. He later realized that marriage would actually be a logical step, and that it would have worked out just fine, but it was too late.
So, you're not alone. Such things happen to too many people nowadays.
Just go out and find someone who deserves you and who will not step back once he has proposed.
Good luck :)
2006-07-21 10:35:08 · answer #7 · answered by orchidea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it was what he wnated at the time, but then the more he thought about it, the more anxious he got. He sounds like a big *** though. You just change your mind and take it back. He should have thought it all through before he proposed.
2006-07-21 10:21:40 · answer #8 · answered by heatherdrake2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him move and you MOVE ON. It is not fair for your feelings to be played with and there are plenty of beautiful people who make sure of what they want without disrupting someone elses feelings.
2006-07-21 10:23:46 · answer #9 · answered by angie devine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should play it cool...make it clear that you're hurt and need some time to think about things..He'll soon see that what he done was cruel. If thinngs don't get any better I think you should move on...
2006-07-21 10:37:50 · answer #10 · answered by before&after 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋