Have just come home to find my husband in my dress?

Question

I have just come home unexpectedly to find my husband wearing my lingerie and a dress.
Whats worse is he had an erection.

What should I do? I do love him very much - help he just looked embarrassed took off the clothes put his own back on and left the house.

Answer 1

Talk to him about it,it's not unusual for a man to try women's clothing on.You say he had an erection,take advantage of it.Womens clothing is much softer than mens and this may be what caused the erection.Don't condemn him out of hand, it doesn't mean he is a cross-dresser or that he is gay. Whatever you do you must talk to him about it,be gentle with him he will be very embarrassed because you found him as you did.

Answer 2

Dr. BigDogThePirate has a diagnosis for you:

This is a case of good old fashioned fetish. It's just one among many sexual obsessions people develop. I would not call this gay or abnormal. The first question is, how do you feel about it? Depending on your answer, you might want to have some of your own fun with it, tell him to do it but not when you are around, or if you just can't take it and he can't stop...well, it seems silly to go that far over clothes.

You'd be surprised how many older couples turn to this sort of thing to spice up a boring old sex life that is running out of gas. Who's clothes was he wearing? Yours? Maybe it made him feel very close to you, and that erection came from him thinking about you. If anything, you might be flattered by this.

You also have to remember: our entire culture has this obsession with making the woman's body more and more attractive. We as a society go to extreme lengths to dress women up, make them pretty, smell nice, etc. Maybe he just caved.

Answer 3

If you really love and respect your husband, and he really loves and respects you, then you don't have anything to worry about.

First, evaluate your own feelings regarding what he was doing. Does it bother you? Can you deal with letting him do this, or is it too much for you to handle. Just get a good idea of how you feel about it before you bring up the incident with him.

Next, talk to your husband. Maybe write a letter to him explaining how you feel and letting him know that you would like to talk about it. Maybe have him write you a letter back so that it won't be so embarrassing or hard for him to talk about. Ask why he wants to do this, and if he thinks he will continue to do it.

Once you both know each other's feelings on the matter, go from there and work through it. Again, if you both love and respect one another you will be just fine.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

He's a cross dresser, he likes wearing womens clothes, he's still the same man he was the only difference is you know his secret.

Just tell him to only do it when you're not around & to get his own stuff.

It wont be easy to come to turns with but it doesn't mean he's gay, far from it, he just likes wearing clothes that men don't usually wear.
Be supportive to him, the last thing he wanted was for you to see him like that. You wont ever understand why he has to do this but it needn't destroy your relationship you just need some rules as to where and when he can do this in safety.

Answer 5

So he likes to cross dress. Big deal. He's not gay. Cross-dressers rarely are. You wear jeans and shirts, right? You're a cross-dresser too. But women can get away with it in our current society. A hundred years ago, you'd have been labeled a freak.

If it bothers you a lot, try getting him men's silk underwear. That may be enough of a thrill for him to put aside wearing your stuff. Besides, your things probably don't fit right anyway, so having his own things should make him happy.

If you love him and he's good to you, don't sweat the small stuff.

Answer 6

Wow, that had to be awkward. I don't think it means that he has to be gay, but he does have issues. Ed Wood used to dress in women's clothes, but he was straight. Of course, he was a very different type of person, enjoying the company of the oddest people in society.

I'd ask him if why he wears those things. Don't be argumentative, or he'll just fight back or lie to you. If you care enough, try to be as understanding as you can be, and hear him out. Chances are, if you get to counseling, you can work it out. Unless either of you doesn't want to...

Answer 7

does it upset you? if you can still love him after finding him like that, then let him know. Tell him you were embarrassed by it. Ignore what the others have said! It makes me really angry that they say things like he is gay because it is just untrue! He must just like the feeling of womens clothing. He is still the man you married, honey. If you are happy enough to let him do it when you arent around, tell him so. If you dont ever want him to do it again, let him know, although he will still do it behind your back. He already feels ashamed about being caught so please dont make him feel any worse about it.

Answer 8

I think this is a big opportunity for you both. For your husband to 'come out' about his desires and for you to be able to accept him for what and who he is.

He has obviously been keeping this a secret for years, I am sure he did not mean to hurt you but could not bring himself to tell you about his dressing up desires.

If you can accept him and tell him this does change the way you feel about him it could open up a new phase in your relationship with total honesty.

He needs your reassurance now more than ever, he will feel very embarrased so treat him with understanding. He may not want to talk about it ever again, this is another possibility. Be understanding and tread gently you will work it out.

Answer 9

Well you signed on for sickness and health...and that's pretty sick. You need to sit him down and discuss it. He most likely has issues that need to be resolved or else you will find yourself arguing over whose going to wear the yellow Halston strapless dress on your next outing!

If you don't have kids yet you need to look real hard at him and his problems(read dump him now). If you already have kids he needs to go to counseling right now. It's like nobody sees just one cockroach (they're thousands of them hiding). This could be the "tip of the iceburg". You need to find out real fast. I know that this is real hardball, but you have your offspring to deal with.

Check out the following website. It can answer your questions much better than I can. It also can give you a "bird's eye" view into a guy's psyche.

http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

good luck

Answer 10

Just sit down and talk about this.... It's a bit wierd but if it's love i'm sure you can look past it... If he had an erection make a little more effort for him and soon he'll only have erections when he thinks about you