What do you think?

Question

Do you think it`s better to move in with your partener for a while and see if it works before getting married?

To answer some of your questions I`ve never been married and neither has he and there are no kids involved.

Answer 1

It depends. Moving in is NOTHING like marriage. I've done it so I know. The best way to see if your relationship will work is to build excellent communication skills as a couple. Open and honest communication is more important than just sharing a roof and a bed. You will learn many things about your partner just by having many discussions. Here are some of the most important ones:

Money: do you have debt; do you have good/bad credit; what is your opinion about using credit; what are your financial goals; do you have savings;

Children: do you want children; do you want to stay home and raise them

Sex: how important is it to you; how often do you want it; what types of activity do you expect; any past sexual abuse

Living: where do you want to live; what type of home you want

Spiritual: does God play a role in your life?

Household: what are your expectations of who will do the cooking/cleaning etc?

Parents: do you expect influence/meddling of parents/friends/family; how you will handle holidays and other events

Friends/hobbies: What types of hobbies/interest are you involved in and spend your time doing; what is your view on opposite sex friendships/internet friendships; how often will you hang out with friends

That’s just some of the things that are important in determining if a marriage will work. If you want to move in together, just make sure that you discuss all of these issues at length because simply sharing the same toothpaste will not give you a good indicator that this person will make a good marriage for you.

Answer 2

Absolutely not, for the following reasons:

1) Living together offers no incentive for marraige. Your partner has no incentive to propose to you, because he's already living the married life without all the technicalities and paperwork.

2) You don't need to live together 24/7 to see what the other person is like. When you date, you sleep over...spend lots of time with the other person - that is more than enough to see what the other person is TRULY like. (which is why you take your time dating (2-3 years before you can even really know someone inside and out).

3) If kids are involved, it is a HORRIBLE situation.

4) It's nice to get married, and come home to a different and fresh lifestyle together. Much better than getting married, just to come home and repeat life's routines.

5) Living together offers the easy way out when you fight or have conflict. Marriage is work, and requires dedication. When you are living together, it's much easier to give up and move out as opposed to forcing yourselves to work through things.

6) If you break up while living together, it SUCKS. You can't just move out or leave in a day or two...it takes time to get a new place, get out of a lease, etc. It makes life a living hell being stuck with someone you hate.

All that said - living together is easy and convienient for people. They can save money, save time driving, etc...that's the reason people do it, which is NOT a legitimate reason when you're talking about marraige, love, etc.

The SMART thing to do is to wait, but not many people have the smarts for that. Hope you make the right decision.

Answer 3

Sure...but then he might think that if the mike's so free then why buy the cow. If you have doubts about getting married then don't enter into a marital situation.

You guys should have a plan for your life (each of you) then sit down and compare plans. If they match you can look at the next step.

Men love to take a "test drive". It's fast and easy and has not bad long lasting effects (as long as you don't get pregnant). On the other hand you can wast your youth away on a benign relationship. The older you are the older men you get. Men who already have children, ex-wives and much baggage. Also you might want to find the right guy..have kids...get them grown and out of college by the time you 55 and enjoy the last 20 years of your life easy. Remember when thinking about kids you are always 20 years older, i.e if your 25 now you will be 45 when that child is out of highschool and into college. Keep this in mind when planning. Don't wast your youth on a test drive. Find someone who is stable and sure of what he wants.

Check out the following website. It can answer your questions much better than I can. It also can give you a "bird's eye" view into a guy's psyche.

http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

Answer 4

Not at all. My sister has been married for 15 years and they never lived together before they got married. I've been married for almost 3 years and we didn't live together before. We're happy. Sure we had some issues, but the tend to work themselves out if you are both willing to try. You need to communicate with each other.

You can talk about what you expect before you get married, too. That was a big help for my husband and I. We both agreed long before we got married that if we did get married, divorce would not be an option. We are both Christians and firmly believe that marriage is for life.

Answer 5

Well I used to think it would be a good idea so you could get to know what it was like living with the person. However; since then I've heard that people that live together before getting married actually have a higher divorce rate and I can believe that. I guess it is just a personal choice. I still don't know what I would do! Good luck!

Answer 6

I have a child and a boyfriend that is moving in with us. We were friends for a year and then began dating. My daughter already knew him from my circle of friends. They get along. I think that if you have a clear understanding between the two of you as to what the future plans are then its ok. I didnt live with my first husband, but wish i had...i would have caught onto him a lot faster. My current relationship is open and honest. when we discussed moving in together we also discussed the future. i know that we will be engaged within the year and married within 2. We planned this together and we are moving in to save money for a new house and to adopt, so living together before marriage made more sense financially for our future. you need to go with your own gut feeling though. if you look five years down the road and you dont see him then dont do it. If he is someone that you want to share your life with forever than thats another story.

Answer 7

No- either you love each other enough to get married or you don't. Living together before marriage only makes it that much easier to give up on the relationship. When you are married people try harder to work out the problems before calling it quits and it gives people more incentive to push ahead.

Answer 8

Living with somone before you marry them devalues the commitment of marriage. If you love someone enought to marry them, then you love them enough to deal with all of their issues (i.e. dirty dishes, clothes on the floor, etc.). The kind of love it takes to marry someone is the kind of love that uses compromise, patience, and unconditional acceptance. The person who says "I want to see what this person is really like by being with them 24-7" is also saying "I only love you enough to 'test the waters' but will undoubtedly through you out when I can't tolerate you any further." My advice? If you make a commitment, make a commitment wholeheartedly. If you feel you need to live with them to "get to know them better" or "get to know who they really are", then you don't know them well enough to even be engaged. Go to pre-marriage. Its amazing the kinds of skeletons you will discover there.

Answer 9

I think move in and never marry him is the best way to go. THen you can kick him out whenever you want without having to go through all the bs. I would never get married again.

Answer 10

I think we both know this doesn't make any difference.
Couples live together for 8 years then break up 3 years after getting married... Just do what makes you happy.